The Mexicans at Uncle Moe's and Russo's Really Wanna Bang My Hot Little Wife

What's the spanish word for MILF?

Every time I walk into either of these places with my wife and kids, the guys behind the counter treat her like a piece of bistec. They chuckle to each other in their secret language, and when they address her they give her the eyes from the cover of Latin Inches. nsfw.

No other race of food service professionals behaves in quite the same way:

The Itallians at Bagel Delight treat her like a hardworking mom - they are friendly, supportive, and sweet.

The Blacks at Fresh Direct, who come into our home for chrissakes, are nothing but professional and polite - even if the one who isn't allowed to talk has served hard time.

The Chinese Delivery man treats her like a valued customer. If he thinks, privately, that her feet should be bound - he never mentions a thing.

The Jews at Friedman's Deli try to swindle her like they do everyone else; never a sexual vibe.

But those Latin Lovers. They can't be any hornier than the other groups, can they? Do they just love little Jewish chicks? My wife is petite and has dark coloring - dark as in Sarah Silverman, not Mariah Carey - is that just their jam?

Any of you getting the extra pico de gallo vibe? Digame.

[Undercover Indie Hipster] In Park Slope

This is an ongoing series in which we attempt to bring you lots 'o different perspectives on what its like to *actually* live in Park Slope...from readers just like you (or not--that's the whole point).

This week: meet a cashmere sweater wearin, Diet Coke swillin, former Manhattanhite undercover hipster.

"C'mon Slopers...we know we're out there. We're the relative newcomers to the neighborhood, having transported ourselves from Manhattan to seek some quiet and sanity and to be a bit hip, but we are also silently happy to not have to forgo such Manhattan-style conveniences as delivery from Blue Ribbon Sushi and weekly manicures at Seven Nails. I'm one of the ones the oldies love to hate - I have blonde hair, wear Burberry raincoats and work out every day at Slope Health and Fitness (because it's like Equinox but for normal people). I get a muffin every morning from Jose at Conneticut Muffin and gallons of Diet Coke at Met Supermarket on 7th Ave. I know that the cashews taste better from Union Market than the Bodega on Carroll Street.

But there is something that I need to admit to my community on behalf of people like me. I wasn't always like that, and deep down inside, beneath the cashmere, there's a slightly indie, slightly hippie, very laid back person tying to get out. And only Park Slope has managed to capture that part of me, more than anywhere else I have ever lived (and for the record, that's 4 countries and as many continents). I like the fact that there are lesbians checking me out in the changing room at the gym, and that I can have a real, thoughtful conversation with the teller at Community Bookstore, or that my neighbor sits outside on his porch in the summer, pretending to read his paper when I know he's only ogling the 25 year old who lives below. It's the familiarity and family that means "home". It's that I can see people I actually know here.

But even more, the authentic Slopers are those that intrigue me the most. These are the old dudes who actually sit on their doorstoop and listen to the radio in the afternoon and describe the comings and goings of everyone. It's like it's 1956 again and nothing has changed. I can tell those guys a mile away - and they don't care at all. It's all these things that make me realize I could never, ever leave Park Slope. Despite the annyong kids on the corner, and that the post office on 7th and 3rd makes me feel like I'm in prison. Yep, it's my home. Thank you for sharing your hood with me. I promise to keep my yuppiness to myself and let my inner park sloper shine."

Wanna tell us what its like for YOU to live in Park Slope? Email us.

REVIEW: DII aka Deals & Discounts

(photo: Gowanus Lounge)

I finally checked out DII: Deals and Discounts, the new low-end closeout shop on the corner of 9th Street and 5th Avenue.

Overall, I'd give it a strong meh.

I'd say that this is def a place you should check out if you are in the market for one of the following items:

*socks
*underwear
*toys
*tights/leggings
*Christmas wrap

Otherwise, its pretty missable.

Having said that, we went with a v. specific purpose: finding Chanukah and Bday gifts for our 5 nieces and nephews. We needed Chanukah pressies for all 5 kids and Bday presents for the oldest (6 yr old boy) and the youngest (1 yr old triplets).

On that front, we totally reached mission accomplished: found crap toys for everyone with the most expensive item (a fake electronic cell phone) ringing in at $13.99.

We bought: Elmo's, Cookie Monsters, Big Birds, Kidz Card Games, a Diego helicopter, books, puzzles, Baby rattle-y stuff, 2 backpacks, a gone fishin set, some weird ninja game, stackable trucks, these cool dolls that you're *supposed* to draw on, a few packs of socks, scotch tape, and a hat all for $126.23.

Here it is (excuse the crappy iphone pic):

They didn't have much in the way of toiletries (though they did have some stuff) and their candy/food dept. was also pretty small. There were clothes sections for both Men and Women and each had one or two interesting items amidst a sea of crap (for women they had these pretty cool dancer tight-like leggings and for guys lined Woolrich sweatshirts). The linens all looked scary scratchy, though I guess if you are looking for some sheets for your air mattress, it might be an option.

They had a metric ton of Christmas crap, which does a Jew like me no good but might be worth checking out if you need wrapping paper or other Christmas supplies. The store was so Christ-mafied, in fact, I could not find a single solitary roll of non Jesus loving wrapping paper in the whole place (*slightly frustrating).

All the cashiers were pretty darn chipper, esp. considering all of the annoying shoppers like me who were milling around.

Ok, so I guess on a scale of 1 - 10 I'd give DII a: 5.5

If you need socks, def check it out.

FIPS ToDo's

*Swoon over the first snow of the winter (Gothamist).

*Sign up for the Brooklyn Art Bus (Bed Stuy Blog via Gowanus Lounge)

*Check out Design Sponge's rad Gift Guide for Guys (Design Sponge).

*Bask in the brilliance of this idea: reversible Spanx tights (Best Bets Daily).

*Join the Carrotmob for a reverse boycott at Tarzian Hardware on December 14th (OTBKB).

PS Craigslisting: W/E 12.07.08

Each week we bring you the best of the worst in Park Slope related craigslist shenanigans:

*ELLA URGENTLY NEEDS FOSTER OR ADOPTION (Park Slope) - Ella is a drop dead adorbs Black Lab who desperately needs a home. I dare you to look at her pic and not wanna adopt her (double dawg dare?).

*Looking for Jewish Frum Chasidic Lady - m4w (Park SLope) - Ok, so this dude wants to get down-n-dirty Jew style. Also, I just learned a new word: Frum.

*Esoteric Group - m4w - 31 (Park Slope/Williamsburg) - "Calling all Curious Indigos, Excited Esoterics, and Horny Alchemists...I thought it'd be really interesting, exciting, fun, and probably educational to get a small group of people together who are all open to exploring various energy raising techniques that involve meditation, chants/mantras, tantric, and taoist practices to raise our psychic/Kundalini/Reiki/etc energies." Uhm..Right. Good luck with that, dude.

*British cross dresser seeking female friend - m4w (Park Slope) - This PSlope Brit is looking for a new BFF...anyone?

*College Educated Movers: Available Last Minute! - V. Interesting...though I think I prefer *non* college educated movers.