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Tuesday
Dec302008

FIPS ToDo's


*Tell us why you think Brooklyn is so badass. We're collecting 209 reasons for 2009 and we need way more (and its almost New Years...you do the math (FIPS).

*Submit your film to the Rooftop Film Festival (Bed-Stuy Blog).

*Figure out "Where to Eat in 2009" (NY Mag).

*Yet another reason to avoid Central Park (Holla, Prospect Park!) (Daily Intel).

*Did you watch MTV's premiere of The City last night? We did (Gawker).

*Hmmm...what would you do in NYC with a few kids and unlimited $$? (Brooklynian)

Monday
Dec292008

DICK vs. PUSSY:The Infamous N-Word Teacher


In the great american tradition of Point / Counterpoint™, FIPS' new Dick vs. Pussy feature aims to bring our valued readers both sides of hot-topic issues.

Today on Dick vs. Pussy, we'll discuss the Case of the Infamous N-Word Teacher!

Last Tuesday, as John Jay staff and administrators gathered at La Bagel Delight, their daily gossip all revolved around one thing: The allegations that a John Jay Middle School teacher used a racial slur while disciplining a class of seventh and eighth graders. Discuss!

DICK:
From Park Slope to Manhattan, thousands of liberals undoubtedly blasted this teacher in their casual water-cooler conversations. Nice; we're ready for another internet-enabled Michael Richards lynching!

Can I just say one thing before the proceedings begin?

When white people are alone, and we walk past John Jay High School and see the hundreds of scary minority kids outside, we either cross to the other side of the street or raise our eyebrows at one another. Same thing happens on a subway car when 25 minority kids get on and start making tons of noise: White people roll their eyes and make secret comments like "oh great, here comes Hip-Hop High."

You know it's true.

How quickly we turn on those who don't cross to the other side; who instead build their lives on stepping in and educating these communities.

The accused teacher is a white person who is one of many New York heroes. She's teaching these kids for a tiny salary and putting up with god knows what - and then the instant there's an ALLEGATION that she used the N-word, everyone in New York wants to see her head on a platter.

First of all - there's no proof she used the N word. What happened to innocent until proven guilty?

I'm not enough of a hero to have ever taught in the New York City public school system, but I know a lot of people who have - I'm sure you do as well. We've all heard some real horror stories, including threats made that if the teacher calls the principal on a misbehaving student, the student will scream rape, cry racism, etc.

The kids might be telling the truth - especially because all the kids seem to be saying the same thing. But we have to know for sure, especially before we destroy a hero's career and blacklist them for life.

Finally, is there any chance at all that as a society, we can look at a person's actions instead of their words? IF the teacher fucked up and said the N word, is their any chance that we can look beyond that - discipline her, sure, but does it have to be a lynching that ends her career? Can we not take into account that above all, this person is a fucking hero who gets up to go to work every morning trying to educate these extremely difficult high-school students?

Doesn't that count for anything?

PUSSY:
It counts for a lot, Dick. I'm not discounting the heroism of our community's teachers by any means - but a "slip" of this magnitude isn't something from which her class would be able to recover.

Imagine their being asked to respect, look up to, and obey someone who has betrayed the community's trust in this fashion?

The capacity to even say the N-word out loud, let alone to a room full of children - HER children - children she's been entrusted with the safety of - is not something that can be taken lightly.

We are trying to set an example for these kids (and by the way, I'm utterly stunned at your characterization of them as "scary" - this attitude is absolutely part of the problem). In order to set an example for these underprivileged (not scary) kids, it's crucial that we demand the highest possible standards from their educators.

What sort of example does it set for our children, if there are no repercussions for a woman that has degraded them in the basest and most hurtful way possible?

I might add that the teacher's behavior with reporters does not work in her favor either - screaming at the media, cursing in anger - to reporters - hardly speaks well for her character.

I may be white, but I can tell you as a parent with 3 kids in the New York City Public School System - this cursing, yelling teacher - white OR black - does not sound like the kind of woman I'd want to leave my children in the care of.

Monday
Dec292008

A Tea Lounge Survival Guide For the Babyless


(photo: NY Mag)

After my internet went out early last week, I found myself desperate, alone, and left with no choice: I had to go to the Tea Lounge.

Now, I really do love the Tea Lounge. I like the energy there, the feeling that we're all typing away for the collective good of the dub dub dub at large, and I also really dig the hot apple cider. But, after spending an extended party remix amount of time there, I can handily confirm that all the rumors are true: "Tea Lounge" IS actually code for "daycare center."

R u babyless? Wanna survive your Tea Lounge experience without killing anyone? Learn from my mistakes and follow these 5 simple rules...

5. Choose the right seat - I cannot stress how critical this is. More than anything else, this will likely influence your overall Tea Lounge level of enjoyment. As a general rule, I find that closer to the wall is best. Most ideal = that platform seating against the back wall. Is it the most comfortable? No, but have you ever seen anyone lug a bugaboo up there? Also, misbehaved kids can fall off the platform onto their fucking faces and so Mommies-n-Daddies seem to avoid this spot at all costs. 2nd choice would be seating at the communal table against the side wall. Now if there is some sort of live muzak or poetry slam going on, they move this table, so this isn't *always* an option, but that tends to happen later at night after most of the kiddos are gone anyway. Also, a seat at the bar is always a good bet, which brings me to #4.

4. Order Booze - I don't care what time it is, order yourself up a cocktail. Nothing else says "fuck off" to a parent quite as effectively as a hipster with their macbook drinking a beer at 10:30am. Even if you don't plan on really drinking, its worth the $8 for the martini glass. Trust me: its almost like wearing a garlic necklace to ward off a vampire: the shit works.

3. Avoid the front half of the Lounge - This is sorta related to #5, but is worth calling out: that front sectional couch area (closest to the free standing video game in the corner) seems to be the unofficial Romper Room area. I don't know if its because its closest to the stroller parking lot (i.e. where all the SUV strollers are left) or if its a legitimate Tea Lounge designated playpen area, but don't go there. This is especially critical if you find yourself there anytime before 8pm (the morn, unsurprisingly, seems to be the worst. OH, also, at 11am on Wednesdays there is a "sing along;" DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT ever go there at this time).

2. Don't make eye contact, Smile or say "aww, how cute" to anyone - This one seems pretty obvious, but is also crucial. Just as weirdos like that dude Mystery who has that whole show about pickin' up women on VH1 talks about the signals you give off at a bar, so is the case at TL. Smiling at a kid or engaging one in conversation is a classic sign that you are open/interested in tot time. If one parent sees you being all shmoopy with someone else's kid, then they won't think twice when their little rug rat comes running through and throws their blankie in your face. They saw you showing Cooper what a cappuccino is! You Love kids! N'uh uh. Keep to yourself and don't talk to anyone (unless you are sitting next to a hot guy/girl and you are single and ready to mingle...in which case you should watch that Pick Up Artist show on Vh1).

1. Surf porn - When all else fails, this is your most effective go to getthefuckawayfromme technique. When Super Mom walks by you as you're casually surfin on Hot XXX Latina Bitches dot com, you're guar-awn-teed that she'll be keepin her lil bebe as far away from you as she possibly can (i.e. probably on the front couch). TIP: I like to keep some porn open in one of my browser tabs, just in case I ever need to quickly pull it up.

So, yeah--I get that there is no hope of ever having a babyless Tea Lounge enviro. But is segregation really so bad after all?

Monday
Dec292008

Can Anyone Who Is *Still* Using actual Phonebooks Raise Their Fucking Hand?


Cause I just don't get it. I don't get why this shit gets delivered to our bldg year after year and I don't get how in this age of "go green!" some environmental group hasn't jumped on one of the oldest, most retarded and most wasteful practices in the history of the modern printed page.

Oh wait! These phone books are "eco friendly!"

My bad.

Monday
Dec292008

Park Slopers to Santa: Eff U, Dude


DAYM!

Looks like someone didn't get what they wanted from Santa after all.

This sad, abandoned X-mas tree has been rollin around on my street since Thursday eve (i.e. December 25th!). Christmas Day!

WTF?

I thought you keep those suckers up till New Years? Can we get a goy up in herrre to explain??

UPDATE: Wow! This isn't the *only* prematurely ejaculated Christmas tree! Everyone's ditching em!