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Tuesday
Jan062009

A Bank Robber's Guide to Park Slope NJ


Re-cesh got you down? Maybe its time to consider bank robbery!

Those yucksters over at NY Mag cooked up a killer list of do's and don'ts for any aspiring bank robbers out on the prowl: The New Etiquette of Bank Robbery.

We gotta hand it to em': the list is well thought out, chock full of great tips, and even green! (3. When making a getaway, always use public transportation).

Tres responsible.

But #4 is fucked up: Try to rob banks only in the boroughs. Every bank robbery in Manhattan has to be reported on the evening news, whereas it takes five in one day to report on the boroughs. Might we suggest Park Slope, any place in New Jersey, or Park Slope?

Ok, granted that suggestion is funny as shit, but we gotta pipe up regarding the fact that NJ would be a WAY better choice for a bank robb-er-ayyy. I mean, that place is a gigantic shithole!

In fact, we're gonna go one step further and suggest the following NJ towns as good places to start for any aspiring Jesse James-ers:

*Alpine - Rappers, celebs and rich Jews
*Franklin Lakes - Richy riches
*Short Hills - LOADS of rich Jews
*Livingston - more rich Jews
*Maplewood - sister city to Park Slope, yo!

Leave us alone in Park Slope...too many bebes in strollers runnin around while you're trying to grab people's money-n-shit.

*Awkward*

Tuesday
Jan062009

Our Fave Reaction To our 209 Reasons BK is so Badass List


"I love the list that’s up on Fucked in Park Slope...it’s like a microcosm of what I love about Brooklyn: the love, the hate, the filth, the snark, the strong opinions without anybody walking on eggshells."

Selfish Mom

Tuesday
Jan062009

FIPS ToDo's


*"When The moon hits your eye, like a big pizza pie...":go to pizza making school!. (NYT)

*Make some rezzies for NY Restaurant Week. (NYCGo)

*Go see Tall Firs at the Glasslands tonight. “Equally informed by the dim atmospherics of Nick Drake,” writes Amanda Petrusich, they’re Sonic Youth and Pavement-y, and Thurston Moore likes them they’re signed to his label." (Urban Eye)

*Check out the N. 5 Street Pier in Billyburg. (Gowanus Lounge)

*Peruse some of Kottke's Best links of oh eight. (Kottke)

*Read this interesting take on why Hamas is not just a threat to the Jews. (Jewcy).

Monday
Jan052009

[ICYMI] 209 Reasons Brooklyn Is So Damn Badass


We asked, and man did your asses deliver. In celebration of 2009, with hopes that each of you have a banner, kickass, no holds barred, world championship, YES WE CAN year, herewith are 209 reasons (from almost every fave blogger, Brooklynite and SILTH we know), why Brooklyn is so damn badass.

Happy New Year from FIPS!

Our list is in no particular order, though #1 is my personal fave...so I guess its in a little bit of an order. I'm guessing we left many people, places and things out so:

a. sorry
b. save em for next year when we'll need 210! (ed note: SHITFUCKNOOOOOOO! NEVER DOING THIS AGAIN).

209. It's the home of Blognigger. Word (ki_lo).

208. You can go to Key Food directly after working out without feeling like too huge a scrub, as opposed to parts of Manhattan which require full makeup and a blowout (I am doing this right now) (Jawnita).

207. BAM. The name itself is badass. I always read it as an exclamation (Noah Adler). Because Brooklyn Academy of Music kicks Lincoln Center's ass (David).

206. Lucali's Pizza in Caroll Gardens (Sofa Employed)

205. Your neighbors actually give a shit/bother to say hello (Fierske)

204. Saturday morning brunch in Park Slope at A.O.C. Bistro...their French Toast is the most divine in the world (or at least Park Slope!) (A New York City Life)

203. Trees! (Fierske)

202. Bigger/badder/better/less crowded Trader Joes (Anon).

201. Farmers market at Grand Army Plaza (Fierske).

200. The Old Fashioned at Weather Up! (Fat Lenny).

199. I don't know WHICH Brooklyn Flea NY Mag attended back in May, (oh yeah, the one where they highlighted picks so freaking overpriced I could've sworn the Brooklyn Flea was really just an odd name for a new boutique in the Hamptons), but it clearly wasn't the one I attended numerous times this past summer and fall and picked up a few trinkets and treasures for just a couple bucks: (never-opened Pee Wee Herman colorforms for my Pee Wee-obsessed cousin were about $5), vintage clothes priced WELL below manhattan's THIS-IS-SO-NOT-A-THRIFT-STORE price points, Brooklyn designer Milton Carter's tiger sweatshirts for under $50, and handmade and refurbished furniture for under $100. (Fashion Binge).

198. Coney Island! (Sofa Employed). Astroland may be gone, but Coney Island is a state of mind. Coney. Brighton. This is REAL Brooklyn. (Reclaimed Home).

197. The above ground F Train Sofa Employed.

196. I don't know about all of Brooklyn, but at least where I live, I don't feel like I'm going to get mugged and/or ass raped. This is important for a recent-to-New-York-southern boy (KaryHead).

195. Prospect Park: the smaller/cooler Central Park (Anon). I think I would enjoy it even if I didn’t have dogs, but my dogs asked me to include it because they LOVE going (Reclaimed Home). The way I fall in love with Prospect Park in a whole new way every season...also it's more beautiful than Central Park and has about a tenth of the amount of people that CP has. (Bloomie). Prospect Park barbecue Sundays (emcee b.).

194.Costco and bigger/badder/better/less crowded Trader Joes (Anon).

193. Because your local little old lady has likely manned the barricades in the sixties, smoked pot in the seventies, and has *definitely* told someone to go fuck themselves. Not your average granny (Bunnykins).

192. Cafes that give you free wireless and don't mind if you sit around all day (i.e. the Tea Lounge, Ozzies and Cocoa Bar to name just a few) (Brooklyn Socialite).

191. Community (Brooklyn Socialite).

190. Spacious Apts (Brooklyn Socialite).

189. Whole neighborhoods without Starbucks, CVS and The Gap, where the biggest businesses are laundromats and Pentecostal churches (Brooklyn Socialite).

188. Good Brunch spots without lines out the door (Brooklyn Socialite).

187. Um, Haagen Dazs delivery...like the most amazing fat girl convenience ever (Life in Park Slope).

186. The Martin Luther King concert series, in particular the invocation at the beginning that always makes me laugh so hard I almost pee in my pants. Only in Brooklyn would a black preacher ask you to pray for good weather on Saturday for "shabbos" (Bloomie).

185. Spinach pies at Sahadi's (Bloomie). I’m not throwing this into a “Grocery” category. Sahadi’s is in a class of it’s own. It’s that good. (Reclaimed Home). And has anyone mentioned the food orgasm that is Sahadi's? Cheep cheese, mouthwatering mushroom pies, stuffed grape leaves, spicy hummus, etc (Mary-Kate from Fashion Binge).

184. The crazy owner/host/waiter at La Maison du Couscous (Bloomie).

183. What other place could produce the unique voices of both Doris Kearns-Goodwin and Notorious B.I.G.? (Brooklyn Hall of Fame).

182. Because our population is equivalent to Nevada's, home of the badass Las Vegas! (Noah Adler).

181. Barrio, el restaurante. Only in pretentious Brooklyn would someone name a chichi restaurant after a disenfranchised ethnic enclave (Noah Adler).

180. That whole cop v. hipster post-election smackdown. I would find the youtube link, but I hate Williamsburg (Noah Adler).

179. We, (and the tanking economy) stopped Atlantic Yards! Sort of (Noah Adler). The fact that a public that was shut out of Bruce Ratner's stupid development plan for the Atlantic Railyards has managed to stall the project until the economy tanked. Yay! (David).

178. Matthew Reichers, who teaches Buddhism at the Vajradhara Center on St. Mark's. He's done miracles for my broken, dysfunctional heart (dharma punk or no) (Brooklnyometry).

177. The Sean Casey Animal Rescue in Kensington (Brooklynometry).

176. The gallery Proteus Gowanus (Brooklynometry).

175. Ice skating at Wollman Rink in Prospect Park (Brooklynometry).

174. Lola Starr Dreamland Roller Rink (Brooklynometry).

172. Don't you love the olives at Fairway? (Brooklynometry).

171. The Center For the Urban Environment (Brooklynometry).

170. Added Value Farms (Brooklynometry).

169. The farms in East New York (see the blog New York Bounty) (Brooklynometry).

168. Franny's pizza (the best!) (Anon).

167. Walking across the Brooklyn Bridge (Anon).

166. Park Slope Parents yahoo group...endless entertainment and a great resource (Anon).

165. Only the Blog Knows Brooklyn's Park Slope 100 list (Gawker).

164. Jonathan Safran Foer (ed note: our best intern E-V-E-R) (JSF).

163. Kick ass bloggers like: Bed Stuy Banana, Gowanus Lounge, Brooklyn Based and the Brownstoner crew to name just a few (Anon).

162. Kick ass Twitterers like davepinke, Jawnita, hodgman, brooklynian, allgrownsup, Jewssip, PopJudaica, CampfireMike, and FIPS! (Anon).

161. Twitter Biggie (The_Real_Shaq).

160. Bagel Hole...the best bagel in NYC (and the winner of Bagel Off '08) (Anon).

159. Donuts from 7th Ave Donuts (I don't even give a shit about donuts and I love this place) (Anon).

158. Dogs, dogs, dogs, dogs. The fact that, for whatever reason, Bernese Mountain Dogs are the choice dog of Park Slope. These are big ol' pooches, and for whatever reason, they're everywhere in this urban neighborhood. (The sweet lady who sits outside of Naidre's has one!) (Noah Adler).

157. Lots o' adorable bebes (pslope Non Mom).

156. The Park Slope Food Co-op (and the fact that Adrien Grenier definitely/probably works there) (Anon).

155. Because we're not yet afraid to tag people's homes (Noah Adler).

154. It has a cool, easy abbreviated version of itself (just like NYC but better): BK (Anon).

153. Ha cha! (Noah Adler).

152. Stay-at-home Moms (Blognigger).

151. The beauty of Greenwood Cemetery (Anon).

150. Brooklyn Parrots (seriously, people...we've got parrots!) (Anon).

149. Awesome handmade craftiness (Whattup, Etsy!) (Anon).

148. The ride over the Manhattan bridge on the N/Q train (Anon). When going home, we have five minutes on the N/Q when we get cellphone service (Life After Park Slope).

147. Eugene Mirman's sunday night comedy show at Union Hall (Anon).

146. The Montauk Club. I have no idea what the fuck goes on there, but the place looks hella cool (Anon).

145. This song (Anon).

144. And this song too (Anon).

143. And OF COURSE this song (Anon).

142. Barbes...and all of the kick ass music they host (:30 Second Life).

141. Ghetto Pinkberry = Yogo Monster (Anon).

140. John Hodgman (Anon).

139. The Murakami exhibit at The Brooklyn Museum (Kanye West) (ed note: jk :). Second only to The Met. Well, maybe The Met and MOMA. But then it’s definitely third to none! (Reclaimed Home)

138. The pool (an actual swimming pool!) at Eastern Athletics (Anon).

137. All the cool old subways at the NY Transit Museum (Anon).

126. BK Botanical Gardens (Anon).

125. 67 Burger in Ft. Greene (I simply cannot go to see a movie at BAM without stopping at this place) (Anon).

124. Brooklyn Borough Prez Marty Markowitz (Jewssip).

123. It's the birthplace of Sweet-n-Low (Jewssip).

122. The "Thirty Something and Grew Up in Park Slope" group on Facebook (Anon).

121. All the best killers are from the BK: Murder Inc. to David Berkowitz to? Forget the Cyclone, it's all about the Half Moon Hotel (Anon).

120. Because the guy at the bagel store genuinely misses you when you don't come in for a few days (all growns up).

119. Election 2008 - the Brooklyn call centers and house parties, the lines at the polls, the way everyone patiently waited to vote and of course the spontaneous victory parties in every neighborhood in the borough (Bloomie). My voting precinct in Park Slope voted: 989 Obama; 11 McCain; AND there was a line outside the voting poll half way around the block at 5:45am filled with anxious peeps waiting to vote (Dan). The legions of strangers high-fiving along 5th Ave on election night (Michelle). Voila! (Noah Adler). (ed note: YES WE CAN, motherfuckers!).

118. Because there's a cloud of benzene gas traveling UNDER GROUND from the Gowanus and into Park Slope (David).

117. Because we have the tallest memorial to the victims of a prison ship anywhere (and it's all lit up now) (David).

116. Mos Def, Talib Kweli, Biggie Smalls, Jay-Z (David).

115. Totonno's (David).

114. Di Fara (David).

113. The Cyclone (David).

112. Crooklyn (David).

111. Because within a one-block radius I have access to: groceries, beer, dry cleaning, laundry, drugs, wine, liquor, Catholics, Jews, Muslims, Russians, Arabs, black folks, white folks, Asian folks, rich people, poor people, teachers, clerics, hicks, lawyers, Republicans, Democrats, Ron Paul supporters, sushi, yoga, dogs, cats, rats, psychics, botanicals, underwear, outerwear, shoes, glass, hardware, drywall, lumber, car service, a community garden, bars, rocks, grass and video rentals (David).

110. Fistfights over who has the best pizza (seen it!) (Anon).

109. Living next door to a known mob boss actually raises the value of your home (ed note: really!?) (Anon)

108. Crispy Shrimp at Hunan Delight(Anon).

107. Sauteed Green Peas and Cashew Nuts at Red Hot (Anon).

106. Volcano Roll at Jpan (FIPS) (ed note: bring back the Monster roll!).

105. Celebrate Brooklyn concerts in Prospect Park (Anon).

104. P.S. 107 (Anon).

103. Studio Creative Play (Anon).

102. Music for Aardvarks (Anon).

101. Brooklyn Children's Museum (Anon).

100. Spumoni Gardens! I had heard about this place for years, and finally tried it recently. THE. BEST. PIZZA. ANYWHERE. Bar none. If you don't try it for yourself, you're really missing out. (Anon).

99. REAL DIVERSITY no matter what the haters say (Anon).

98. Union Market (Anon).

97. Pizza Plus (and Pizza Plus Lady!) (Anon).

96. The steam whistle on New Year's Eve at Pratt (and sometimes they burn the xmas tree) (Anon).

95. Because the gay bars here aren't really even gay bars. Have you ever hit up Metropolitan? Excelsior? If so, you've probaby noticed something: for a gay bar, they're really not that gay. It's not about dancing boys on tables in thongs, gay porn playing on the tv, techno music and lines of coke in the bathroom. They're just bars...with gay people (and no cover charges). Now that's something to get excited about! (ninedaves).

94. Because no matter where your friends live, everyone can find a train at Atlantic/Pacific. visiting from Long Island? coming in from Jersey? need to get back to the upper east side? atlantic/pacific has a train for you! (ninedaves).

93. Because we care about Coney Island...and we're all a little sad to see it go (ninedaves).

92. Because that TV show or movie you're watching filmed in new york? Nope, it's really Brooklyn: Don't let Gossip Girl fool you...those upper east siders are actually in Brooklyn Heights quite a bit (ninedaves).

91. Because we don't mind waiting for good food. Head to Manhattan if you want to wait on a line for mediocre overpriced/overhyped food. You can keep your Shake Shack and your Magnolia Bakery. In Brooklyn, we'll wait around for quality food: Grimaldi's - uhm, that's worth it. A long line, of course, but under the Brooklyn Bridge, you barely notice it; how 'bout City Sub? Have you ever heard of a sandwich place that runs out of bread every day because so many people are ordering subs? Have you ever traveled across Park Slope on a Saturday morning with the sole purpose of eating a sandwich? if you've had City Sub, i'm sure you have. and look - it wasn't even featured in an episode of Sex & the City. Imagine that! (ninedaves). Holy crap, CITY SUB on Bergen! (Michelle).

90. Block parties (ed note: esp if Bill Murray stops by) (Anon).

89. Sixpoint (Anon).

88. The braised spare ribs at Buttermilk Channel! ZOMG! I DIE! (Totes Tamron)

87. That you can still find those amazing illegal lofts that don't exist anymore in Manhattan (Bloomie).

86. That people have outdoor space (Bloomie).

85. Daniel Squadron who, while kind of buying the election, also showed that young people can have a voice in politics (Anon).

84. The Mermaid Parade on Coney Island and the unbelievably amazing costumes that people concoct (Bloomie)

83. Unpretentious bars (although the jukebox is often pretentious) (Bloomie).

82. Southside Coffee (Bloomie).

81. How you can see the Statue of Liberty off of the F train (Bloomie).

80. Grandma pie at Tomato and Basil (Bloomie).

79. The crazy politics of the co-op (Bloomie).

78. That even though it doesn't always feel like it, for the most part Brooklyn is filled with stores and restaurants owned by individuals and not chains (Bloomie).

77. I loved Brooklyn in 2008 because I was able to see Richard Gere running down the street in a cop uniform in Brownsville, Nia Vardalos and John Corbett reunited in Windsor Terrace, Glenn Close strolling through Fort Greene park with William Hurt, Salma Hayak doing the Macarena in Cadman Plaza Park, Tina Fey being funny in Brooklyn Heights, Andie MacDowell looking glamorous in front of the Brooklyn Museum, and many many more. Let's hear it for all of the TV shows, movies, commercials, and music videos that filmed all over Brooklyn in 2008! (Filming in Brooklyn).

76. The beet and avocado salad at Frankie's 457 on Court Street, especially when it's a summer weekday and you happen to having lunch in their sweet little back garden under the sun, drinking a delicious white wine. Hey when's summer again? (Mary-Kate from Fashion Binge).

75. You can move here from Detroit and retain street cred (Shaun).

74. I loved Brooklyn in 2008 because very late on Christmas Eve we had a flood in our basement and needed a sump pump, and found out that there was a 24-hour plumbing supply store near us! My Turkish husband went there with our Caribbean neighbor, chatted with the Latino counter guy, and ran into an Arab guy and a Hasidic Jew. All chatting amiably together. Gives me hope for the world (Selfish Mom).

73. The fact that I just spent my Friday night dancing in an old synagogue to music being spun by Talib Kweli (Bloomie)

72. White Castle Drive-Thru (Blognigger).

71. Chassids parking Chanuka-Enforcement vans on 7th ave to run Menorah Missions on the last night of Chanuka (Blognigger).

70. Stoops! I loves to bullshit. What better pastime is there than hanging on my stoop shooting the breeze with my neighbors? (Reclaimed Home).

69. Eccentrics! The big scary looking dude with the fuzzy bunny slippers. The woman with no teeth who’s always smiling. The guy who tells worst jokes in the world but makes me laugh anyway. (Reclaimed Home)

68. Diners! Forget Starbucks and trendy coffee houses. Sit for hours, listen to the jukebox in your booth, have 10 cups of coffee and tawk to real New Yawkers. (Reclaimed Home)

67. Bargains! Flea markets. Architectural salvage. Ikea. Weisman’s on McDonald. Domsey’s on Broadway. (Reclaimed Home).

66. It’s my home! No matter where I roam. No matter where I live. I AM Brooklyn and you can take the girl out but...you know. My friends and family are (mostly) still there. It’s where I grew up and where my heart remains (Reclaimed Home).

65. It feels like I'm walking around the world when it's really just around the neighborhood. I remember the first time I went to Boro Park, I shopped with Hassidic Jews in a grocery store with products I'd never seen before, went to a bodega and met a girl from El Salvador, and ended up getting on the subway in an area filled with Bangladeshi stores. It was very exciting for a girl from suburban Southern California, and all of the culture still never gets dull. (The Brooklyn Ink).

64. The Shit Tits/Newtown Creek "Nature Walk" simply must make this list. These are, after all, the very best Greenpoint has to offer. Hell, other than that nasty little oil spill it has put us on the map! Not only do the "tits" have a rather distinguished architectural pedigree, but their visage graced the cakes served at the "lighting ceremony." Have you ever consumed confectionery festively emblazoned with a device designed (quite literally) to EAT SHIT? I have! (NY Shitty).

63. Why I love Greenpoint: I can see the sun in the far west, yet clouds and cars keep it hidden. Thanks, Brooklyn (Idiot Savant Online).

62. Cause Barbra Streisand is from BK! (Anon).

61. I love the industrial decay of the Brooklyn Navy Yard (alexlines).

60. The man walking his pig who had dressed it in a kid's winter jacket. You're a little weird Brooklyn, but I still love you (bedirhan).

59. Just passed a tiny 1 room church in Brooklyn. I love tiny churches. Is there a coffee table book of those yet? (Sara Schaefer from Best Week Ever).

58. Love makes the world go round. Or maybe its Brooklyn Lager. Yes, yes it is...(Pete_Kilian).

57. I so love Brooklyn. You can get lost in imagination, culture and possibility here very easily (ScottSays).

56. I love that by living in Brooklyn, I get like 5-10 uses out of my 'roaring 20s' costume a year (davepinke).

55. "Spread love, it's the Brooklyn way" (Notorious B.I.G).

54. I love the Brooklyn Bridge and old photos of it (Fred Wilson).

53. Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir Rocks!! (Javits).

52. The Brooklyn Superhero Supply Co rocks my socks (Eleven Magazine).

51. Brooklyn in the Fall: cool air, clotheslines waving, leaves, It's home (lenorajayne).

50. Why I Love Brooklyn: I can pump my own gas and then purchase Beer 24hrs a day at the gas station! (Sash).

49. Favorite part of every New Year's: Going to Caputo's to buy lasagna cheese. One of the best things in Brooklyn, period (pkafka).

48. BK is so cool, even people who don't live there like to read about it (verymeri).

47. Creepy/ crazy bowling at Melody Lanes means Bowlmor can eat a dick! (Fashion Binge).

46. Sam's Pizza and Chops: Go for the thin-crust pizza, stay to watch Louie down Merlot and Coke!(Fashion Binge).

45. Tug boat horns (emcee b.).

44. The fact that we have an area in Brooklyn actually called "DUMBO" (:30 Second Life).

43. Brooklyn Social (Metromix NY).

42. McCarren Park Pool concerts (RIP…for now!) (Metromix NY).

41. TVOTR formed there…and Les Savy Fav (Metromix NY).

40. Fette Sau (Metromix NY).

39. People come from Manhattan for overrated street cart food because Brooklyn is cool (emcee b.).

38. Hot dads (emcee b.).

37. Really hot moms (emcee b.). Veggie MILFS (Anon).

36. Karaoke at Montero's -- I'm pretty sure "Thunder Road" was written about this place (Fashion Binge).

35. French Dip at Walter Foods(Fashion Binge).

34. Vegetarian chili at Dizzy's (Michelle).

33. The jukebox at Commonwealth (Michelle)

32. Marty Markowitz at the foot of the Brooklyn Bridge during the transit strike, yelling "Welcome to Brooklyn!" over and over (Michelle).

31. My rent, which, frankly, rules (Michelle).

30. The best, most recent awesomeness I've seen: really friendly bartender at Boca Lupo who makes those delicious blackberry cosmos (SO GOOD) taste even better. Also, folks, one word: BUYBACKS! (Mary-Kate from Fashion Binge).

29. The amazing, surreal array of colors (and meats) at Los Paisanos, the best butcher around. (not to mention the fact that you can patronize a butcher, a fishmonger, etc., rather than some giant one-stop supermarket) (Mary-Kate from Fashion Binge).

28. Nice Bubble Laundry at 510 Court. Our guy, "Bubble Man" as we call him, speaks virtually no English yet always has a huge smile for us as he's dropping off our 30-pound bags after huffing it up five flights of steps (Mary-Kate from Fashion Binge).

27. Beacon's Closet! And not that I've patronized it, but new plus-size secondhand clothing store Re-Dress on Boerum Place (Mary-Kate from Fashion Binge).

26. Rent-stabilized apartment in historic building: Cobble Hill Towers, represent! (Mary-Kate from Fashion Binge).

25. TUNA DUMPLINGS at Kyoto Sushi on Smith. THAT IS REAL fucking SEAFOOD in them shits, people! REAL seafood! (Fashion Binge).

24. Swallow on Smith Street. If you can get past the LOL-y name (it's named after the BIRD, okay pervs), it's one of the most gorgeously designed shops I've ever stepped foot in (Fashion Binge).

23. New fave place: The JakeWalk on Smith Street in Brooklyn. Check it out (moth).

22. You don't see many rodeo clowns in Brooklyn, let alone buying drugs in a subway station, then learning a rope trick from the dealer (FortNinety).

21. What I love about Brooklyn (specifically about Caroll Gardens), are the 6-foot blow up dolls of Santa, Snoopy, Thanksgiving Turkey, Reindeer, etc that people set out on their front yards during the major holidays (Creative Times).

20. Amy, the tatooed busty barkeep at LaTaqueria on 7th Ave. I love the way she pours me one top-shelf marg after another followed by a quick dose of fuck-me eyes, followed by a snark comment that puts me in my place (but doesn't shrink me). It's hard to notice the fuck-me eyes, of course, since I'm usually entranced by her boobage. In any case, she owns that place and every man in it (Dreidel Hustler).

19. The New Year's Eve BK Bridge Walks (Anon).

18. Aimee Mann in Brooklyn last summer (zote63).

17. The Halloween Parade in Park Slope (Anon).

16. Babeland Sex shop in Park Slope (across from a school, AND mom friendly) (Anon).

15. The wet stench within the Bikram Park Slope studio (289 Flatbush Ave) (Anon).

14. NEIGHBORhoods (ed note: or neighborhoodies?) (Dan).

13. Re-sold cop cars (David).

12. People who don't live there but still LOVE Park Slope (Anon).

11. People who actually live there and still HATE Park Slope (Anon).

10. Because i live in a refurbished building that was formerly the hospital where Barbra Streisand was born, but now the hallways smell like weed because it has become a waystation for college grads between school and a real job (JeffeLavar).

9. An improving G Train (emcee b.).

8. Why? Cuz Brooklyn is just very, very fucking cool. That's fucking why you stupid fucking bitch (ed note: yes, this is from a real email that we really got) (some asshole).

7. Movies at BAM...fuck the Pavillion (Anon).

6. The Pavillion movie theater! And their totally uncomfortable (but really cool looking) old school purple seats! (Anon).

5. Cheese fries at Nathan's (:30 Second Life).

4. Stoop sales! I've gotten: a dresser, cd's, gorgeous yarn, baby clothes, a kid's guitar, colorforms, all sorts of books and a load of other crap (but great crap!) at all the great stoop sales around BK (Anon).

3. The beet ravioli at Al Di La (Michelle).

2. Uhm, I dunno, cuz its not Manhattan? (Anon).

1. Having been born in Brownsville when Truman was president and Impellittiri was mayor; having grown up in Brooklyn in the 1950s and 1960s, the son of two Brooklyn natives, the grandson of four people and the great-grandson of eight people who made the borough their home; having great-great-grandparents who owned a candy store on Stone Avenue (now Mother Gaston Boulevard) when horses routinely shit in the streets; as a graduate of P.S. 203, J.H.S. 285, Midwood High School, Brooklyn College and the Hebrew school of Flatbush Park Jewish Center; as someone who’s taught at BC, at LIU downtown and at Kingsborough CC in Manhattan Beach, and who’s worked at stores on Fulton Street, 86th Street and Bay Parkway, and in Kings Plaza and who was a delivery boy for Canarsie Laundry and Midtown Florist in Fort Greene; as someone who’s seen Brooklynites from Gil Hodges at Ebbets Field to TV on the Radio at the McCarren pool; who’s been mugged in Flatbush, Coney Island, and on the D train going over the Manhattan Bridge; who ate at Garfield and Dubrow cafeterias, Jahn’s Ice Cream Parlor, Famous Dairy Restaurant, Cooky’s, and went to movies at the Loew’s Kings, the Brook, the Marine, the Albee and the Elm; who saw Rhody McCoy and Howie Golden and Carlo Gambino (a neighbor) and Hilda and her cowbells; who witnessed race riots, the burning and looting of a neighborhood during the Summer of Sam, the fireworks for the Bicentennial from the top of my car on the Gowanus Expressway and for the Brooklyn Bridge centennial from the 86th floor of the World Trade Center; who was in Park Slope the day the plane crashed and at Prospect Park listening to Gov. Rockefeller on the first Earth Day; who saw campaign posters for a candidate for borough president that read, “Abe Stark we love you, but Brooklyn is dying!”; who today has college students whose main desire is to get out of the dangerous Brooklyn neighborhoods where violence is common and which they call a jungle – I think Brooklyn is so badass because I know it will survive and can endure everything, even well-meaning, self-congratulatory fucked newbies who think the borough is “so badass.” (Richard Grayson).

Monday
Jan052009

BREAKING: Local Hipster Plans to Wear IDF Shirt to Sunday Brunch at Dizzy's


PARK SLOPE, Brooklyn (FIPSNN) – 10th street resident Aaron Feldman announced plans this morning to wear his IDF T-Shirt to an 11am brunch at Dizzy's. With Israeli ground troops entering Gaza and the current wave of violence entering it's 9th day, local analysts predict that Feldman's move in the largely Palestinian-supporting South Slope could be suicidal.

Feldman, a park slope Hipster and Heeb magazine subscriber, describes his move as one of disgust and defiance.

"You know what, it's not a popular viewpoint in this neighborhood, but violence is the only language those people understand. Why does no one condemn the constant rocket attacks on Israel during a time of so called-truce," Feldman argued, "if there were fucking rockets hitting Dizzy's for chrissakes, you think we wouldn't retaliate, or that we'd demand a measured response?"

Elizabeth Fitz, a Park Slope yoga instructor, condemned the move as aggressive and distasteful.

"Normally, I mind my own business when I'm walking down the street," Fitz explained, " I see them walking around with those IDF shirts in the summer, I think maybe they were on a Kibbutz, or even served in the army themselves – I try to mind my own business – but to wear that fucking shirt on a day like today? it's disgusting. Would they wear a shirt of the South African Military that fought against Nelson Mandela? Would they wear a pro-apartheid shirt? Because that's essentially the message they're sending."

Dr. Charles Salter, a professor of Sociological Studies at Oberlin College, highlighted the importance of t-shirt messaging in modern Hipster culture.

"It's a mistake to view wearing a T-shirt as a simple action, " explained Dr. Salter, "in today's passive-aggressive Hipster culture, T-shirt messaging is the core physical outlet for self-expression and political positioning. My freshman students, some of whom have spent more time on the Internet than at the mall, have trouble understanding the importance of T-Shirt messaging; I just tell them to think of it as a realspace Twitter update."

Anya Cohen, a hostess at Dizzy's, reacted to the news with surprise.

"I'll believe it when I see it," she said, "a lot of these guys are all talk. It would certainly be a ballsy move, but I have to reiterate that a customer is a customer, and Dizzy's waitstaff would never discriminate for any reason: We treat all of our customers like shit regardless of political affiliation. "

Ms. Cohen's duties also include concept and rendering for the Daily Bread, a chalkboard menu which is placed on the sidewalk outside the restaurant and traditionally displays specials and a political or philosophical message. This morning, FIPSNN asked whether the colorful "FREE PALESTINE" she was drawing on the Daily Bread could likewise be interpreted as controversial.

"Absolutely not," replied Ms. Cohen, "this is completely different."