HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Happy 2013, everyone! If you're spending this morning afternoon nursing a hangover and reflecting upon all of the things you failed to accomplish this past year, check out this video of 2012's most epic fails. It'll make you feel better about canceling that new gym membership after one month. Here's to 2013! 

Who Gives a Shit: Do you Make New Year's Resolutions?

Some people find New Year's resolutions to be pointless. "Why not start them the day you think of them, instead of waiting for a fresh year to start?" they'll ask. "If you really want to kick a bad habit or accomplish something, why not start now?" 

Others look at a new year as a clean slate -- a time to start over by making better choices. "2012 wasn't really my year for cutting cheesecake out of my daily breakfast diet, but 2013 will be the year!" 

Do you make New Year's Resolutions? If so, what are they? Do you think you'll keep them all year? Spill your guts. We won't judge.

How to Kill 2012 in Park Slope

NY, your ball is showing (via http://todaysfacilitymanager.com/)

Soon, it'll all be over. And by "all," I mean the year 2012. That means you will need to celebrate New Year's Eve. How best to do this? Well, a quality New Year's celebration really comes down to three things: 1) champagne, 2) the ability to count backwards, and 3) someone willing to kiss you. Luckily, number one helps greatly with number three (though it may slightly impair number 2). That said, you live in NYC, so you owe it to the people back home to really do it up Brooklyn style, so that you may explain why you did not go see the big ball drop. FiPS is here to help, with a BK-centric guide to NYE celebrations:

* The Rub, Bell House: The long-running Brooklyn dance party, helmed by BK DJs with even better taste in music than your hipsteriest friends, give you the option of greeting 2013 drenched in dance-floor sweat. Free champagne toast, natch. 9pm, $40. 

* Karaoke Killed the Cat, Union Hall: Union Hall's popular night of Karaoke craziness makes the New Year all about your lungs. Includes an iPad raffle, so you can start out the New Year as materialistically as the last. 8pm, $5.

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The Year in FIPS: Don't Let the Annum Hit You On the Way Out...

[ed note: It's been a long, hot, wet, snowy, tornado filled year up in this piece, and we wanted to send you out in style. i.e. by linking to virtually every fucking thing we've ever posted in the hopes that you'd maybe click on it again and read all this crap a second time around. But rully, rully, rully, truly from the bottom of my cold, dead, crusty heart: thanks for reading all this shit, thanks for commenting on all this shit, thanks for loving us, hating us, loving to hate us and everything in between. You all rule...HARD].

This time last year, we made unreasonable resolutions, shared our best-kept secrets, made fun of Jennifer Connelly, fought fracking, and almost got our asses kicked by marauding Park Slope-hating teenagers (who made a special trip from soon-to-be best new hood: HARLEM!!!)

In January, we cut the cord (Ollie's at off-leash hours), railed against evil, poopy coop boards, broke the Novo dog run egging story, held ass-offs, made fun of weary commuters, and bad subway advertisements and breeders, wrote paeans to our pooch and the food coop, discussed world's worst drivers, wondered where the fuck our mail was, got scared of chainsaw-wielding cyclists and more.  

In February, Sarah Silverman liked us (well, Union Hall anyway), we told Fresh Direct trucks to STFU, told breeders to piss off, tried to find a nice jewish boy for a nice jewish girl, marveled at the hood's priciest fixer-upper, got robbed of credit for our dog mugging story, debated the meaning of fabulous and giant snow dick sculptures, had snow days, searched for Sugar, and met up while still staying sexless in the slope.

In March, we became an official toxic waste dump, Erica hated the shit out of Beastly Bites, Jonathan Safran Foer, garbage men, and breeders who drink (in bars with their bebes), we craved Girl Scout cookies, stepped in ONE dog shit too many, broke up with Park Slope Parents, missed Manhattan (doormen), and produced how-tos for surviving a trip to La Bagel Delight and Spring Break.

In April, we made fun of dudes whose pants are falling down and/or who are sporting ironic mustaches and/or who wear inconsiderate big-ass backpacks on the subway, supported gay rights and free love at off-leash hours, railed against intolerance and Time Warner, got deflowered and invited to join the Chamber of Commerce, won a Pulitzer for our grounds-breaking coverage of the Gorilla Coffee brewhaha and demanded a retraction from New York Mag for naming us the city's best nabe (SCIENTIFICALLY and with Gorilla on the cover). 

In May, we bitched about ubiquitous film production crews, people who eat fucking watermelon on the F train and the Pavilion; launched new blahgs, almost got eaten by bears at country houses, welcomed the Rock Shop, hated the F train some more, missed mom, lamented the death of the city bus and exorbitant rents, held a mani/pedi smackdown, and shared our expertise on the topic of reality TV.

In June, we had a winning team of our very own, cared about gays in the military, held virtual stoop sales, admired Ollie's ears some more while shilling for Spike Lee Absolut, embraced downward mobility, were scared to even squat in the Tea Lounge bathroom, got gassy about off-shore drilling, bought vuvuzuela apps, voted for Hope, gave a shit about mean C-town cashiers and nice Trader Joe's ones, and survived the 7th Avenue Heaven (or Hell) Street Fair.

In July, we discovered that the Meier building is the new Hamptons and uncovered cave dwellers on Carroll, Erica loved the shit out of the Gate for declaring itself a stroller-free zone, penned the insta-classic I Love My Life, I Hate Your Children, we aired dirty little secrets of the work at home crowd, cursed the MTA some more, ran the best raccoon invasion story in the history of the universe, did some more fear-mongering about bedbugs at the Pavilion and everywhere else, mourned the wholesale slaughter of Prospect Park geese and got flipped the bird by our beloved GoGo Gowanus.

In August, we found you roommates, went on vacation, demanded Apple Stores, covered local politics (fine, Hope Reichbach's makeover) and the coming of Zooey Deschanel, were scared of Rockaway sharks and bedbugs (again), held bad breeder contests, sang virtues of cupcakes (again), broke the news of Purity Diner's DOH'ing, the mysterious ghost stroller and the Rite Aid car crash, we bid tootaloo to Smartmom, and swapped notes on public restrooms, doggie daycare and Methodist's labor pains. Oh, and made fun of JSF (again). 

In September, we went back to school, stalked In Treatment, loved Gary Shteyngart and Neal Block, gave a shit about rogue balloon blowers, found parking spots on Labor Day, welcomed Hurricane Earl and the great Tornado of 2010, prepared for future disasters, survived school potlucks,  loved punks, impugned the Pavilion (again), voted, made fun of breeders (again), lamented bad drivers (again), couldn't believe how much money the Food Coop makes and that cops are issuing summonses for loitering on your own stoop, and then, of course, we declared war on Mama Rosa.

In October, we gossiped about Taylor and Jake, couldn't believe that Gorilla is suing former staffers AND the NY Times, or that people at the food coop hire hookers, or have yoga rooms, we loved Park Slope better than Manhattan, ranted about home-invading mosquitoes and homicidal chefs, broke the news that the Tea Lounge couches are all (probably?) smeared in baby crap, marveled at $18,000/month rentals, survived freakish hail storms, waved buh-bye to neighbors, said hello to the bike lane controversh, loved my white rapper brother Epick's new video, made fun of teachers, prepared for Halloween, and raged some more about Mama Rosa.

Oh, and we got taken over by a porn site too.

In November, we made fun of whiny BALLERS (for once) and the Food Coop (what else is new), found your polling place for you, bitched about creepy subway flashers and stood up to them, got dissed by L Magazine and the Village Voice, got ranty about Landmarks, became Bored to Death plotlines, punched Pandas, hated Brooklynian, stalked Adrian Grenier and Jake/Taylor, got imugged, beat up a robber with a garbage can, shilled for FiOS (no, i did not, says she), were stressed out, had sex in Prospect Park, introduced wing woman, were mean to weary commuters, killed our mothers with samurai swords, and live blogged jury duty.

In December, we survived and/or celebrated various holidays, learned about glory holes, loved Thistle Hill Tavern hated Bruce Ratner, put the bike lane debate to bed, taught small children about their bodies and wondered why boys look like girls, were almost voted the best neighborhood blog by the Village Voice, dressed as giant bagels to protest World Aids Day, missed seeing Jim Carrey at the Mr. Popper's Penguins shoot, tried to get laid, made fun of the Food Coop and Amy Sohn, voted early and often but still didn't steal Curbed's Best Neighborhood of 2010 trophy, made it inside the Googles' new manse (yeah, i said it!), debated subway leaners, and played yenta at the Naughty Office Party. Oh yeah, and got snowed in.

See you in 2011!

WHASSUP: New Year's Eve 2010 Edish

 

2010 is basically over, which means you can leave all of your failures on a different calendar, and start 'em anew. Hooray. Here's some shit going down in the Slope:

*Restaurant specials. Tons of stuff going down, and while I can't possibly list it all, here's a taste so you can make your rezzies. 5 course menu at Fonda; 3 course special with live music at Sette; 5 courses with beer pairings at Beer Table, 4 courses at at a.o.c., 5 course tasting at Benchmark and $40 for an open bar from 10p-2a at Barrio (their regular menu will also be avail). OH and just to mix it up, Barrio is doing a children's buffet from 2-8pm for $10 bucks, so that the whole fam can sit down and gorge themselves together, before mom and dad go out and have their real fun later that night.

*Lyceum party. UglyRhino's party at the Brooklyn Lyceum includes live music and DJs. Drinks for $5 and less, $1 shots. $10. 9pm. Details.

*Happy House party. Moved from Bell House to Union Hall this year. DJing a mix of Swedish post, Motown, indie, electroclash, etc. $15. 8pm. Details.

*Fireworks. Prospect Park fireworks, obi. Prospect Park West between Grand Army Plaza and 9th Street. Free. 11pm. Details.

*Guns N' Roses tribute. Mr. Brownstone plays their drunken tribute to GNR at the Rock Shop. $25. 8pm. Details.

*Comedy. Mr. Murray Hill's New Year's Eve Extravaganza variety show (monkey included) moves to Southpaw this year. Burlesque, music, booze. $45-$100. 10:30pm. Details.

*Beer. The Gate's doing no-cover NYE specials with special winter ales and cocktails, plus Captain Lawrence Brewery goodies. Discounts pre-11pm.

*Soul party. Funk and soul party including Marva Whitney and Billy Prince at the Bell House. 8pm. $30. Details.

Instead of complaining that I left off your rad party, put it in the comments. Happy 2011 etc. While you are al getting drunk, I will be enjoying my heater and cooking with my new mandoline. Waffle cut radishes, anyone?