Badassed Park Slope Shop Owner to Robber: 'DO NOT FUCK WITH ME'

Obvies all people who work in head shops ALREADY rule, but this dude takes the cake. The Park Slope shop owner at New Star Tobacco on 5th Ave and St. Marks got robbed the other afternoon by some knife wielding dude who thought it would be funz to clear out his register and go get sushi at Blue Ribbon or some shit. So does the shop owner stand there like a fucking pussy while the robber just takes all his money? No HE TRYS TO BEAT IN HIS MOTHERFUCKING FACE IN WITH A MOTHERFUCKING TRASH CAN!

I know robberies are like not at ALL funny in real life, but I kind of love the look on the robber's face when the shop owner starts bashing him with a plastic wastebasket, and he looks at him like all: AYFKMWTS right now???

Anyway, please go buy lots'o shit at this place right now. Maybe they sell weed paraphernalia? Or rolling papers for your pretentious fucking clove cigarettes. Who cares...just GO.

(via The Daily News)

BREEDER ALERT: FYI, Here's Where Your Kids Are Buying Drugs!

It's been a pretty awesome couple of weeks for drug users!

First the Department of Health issued a new handy tip guide on How to Shoot Up Heroin, and now a forum post on Brownstoner alerts us to EXACTLY where all the Park Slope teens are gettin their coke!

Click to read more ...

'Grown-up Professional Sources For Herbal Products in Park Slope?'

Gawd, there are so many fucking things I love about this Brooklynian thread, I almost don't know where to start.  All I know is, Johnnyanonymous needs some help!

Grown up professional sources for herbal products in Park Slope?

I just moved to the neighborhood this past April twentieth, and I haven't quite gotten my bearings yet. I tried Back to the Land and that little shop next to Starbucks, but they don't seem to have what I need. Thoughts? PM button below.

Riiiight.

Click to read more ...

How To Smoke Crack

For those of you who really wanna take this whole BALLER thing to the outer limits, the NY Observer has a wonderful how-to guide on how to be a crack smoking hipster. Cause, you know, "crack is back."

"On my way to meet the Last Crack Hipster, I bought a soda at a bodega around the corner from where he lives in Brooklyn. I must have missed him by a minute. The bodega sells crack pipes, too. Most bodegas in the city do. The pipes used to be disguised as glass tubes, corked at both ends, containing tiny roses. No one bought them for the roses. Now they come in the form of pens: The “straw” that’s normally plastic on a Bic pen is glass. Who wants a glass pen? The pen works, yes. It is genius. At some places, if you ask for a “demo,” you get just the part used for a pipe."

Daym, I have enough trouble finding a bodega that stocks my fucking devil dogs, and these bitches are selling little "crack kits!?"

I mean, that is pretty convenient, though still not quite as convenient as a weed delivery guy. Jus sayin...

Anyway.

You heard it here first BREEDERS. So, if you're smart-assed teen is all "I'm off to the bodega to go grab a crack kit, er snack! Just a snack!," now you'll know what's *really* going down.

You're welcome.

(NY Observer via Gothamist)

Pass The Dutchie on the Left Hand Side

If you think that the teens of Park Slope are the only bitches sneaking into Prospect Park to toke up, think again. Introducing: Marijuana Mamas!

According to MomLogic.com:

A new wave of reefer madness is sweeping suburbia -- but it's not just teenagers who are lighting up. Middle-aged, middle-class soccer moms are smoking pot ... a lot. These women aren't stoners: they're teachers, lawyers, and, perhaps, even your neighbor who prefers puffing a joint to sipping chardonnay.

I don't know...I sort of don't believe it. Unless, of course you can get weed at the Food Coop [OMG, can you?????]