MAGIC 8 BALL SOUNDS OFF ON MARTY MARKOWITZ CAR GATE

Once upon a time, I kinda liked our borough president Marty Markowitz.

I thought he was a jolly little public figure, who laughed a lot at community events and made the borough bright and gay (read both meanings into that word). Once at the Met Opera event in Prospect Park a couple of summers ago he opened the show by declaring we should all enjoy our beverages in covered containers.

Hehehehe... what a funny little man. It's like the Borough President was trying to be my friend.

In my own little twisted fantasy, I pictured him to be this city's next LaGuardia, throwing slot machines into the East River and demanding that when his plane landed, it landed in New York and not in New Jersey.

Then I found out he was a gigantic  little a-hole. Among other things, this was confirmed for me when he chose the wrong side of the bike lane issue...that's when things promptly became personal.

He bitched and moaned and HAD TO sing about how Brooklyn was overrun with bike lanes and then made the most ridiculous statement ever: we were forgetting about cars.

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HOW TO TALK TO YOUR PARK SLOPE TWEEN ABOUT... LIBYA

This morning I was riding on the F train, like one does, when two floppy haired Park Slope tweens got on at 7th Avenue in all their bespeckled awkwardness. I hear one floppy hair say to the other, "Shit, I have to do this current events assignment on Libya. What do I say about it?" The other strugged and said, "I don't know. I just wrote something about Gadhafi being a dick to his people." And so after a deep pregnent pause, like the ones that litter Wes Anderson movies, one took out a notebook and started futilely jotting down some bullshit while the other (who was clearly destined to get like a D) whipped out his iphone and started playing Angry Birds.

How do I know this? Because I know that music anywhere, and coincidentlly I was playing Angry Birds HD on my ipad... because I'M OBSESSED. Then in a flash it hit me: Angry Birds and the sitch in Libya are strikingingly similiar!

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Bike Wars-The Evil NBBL Strikes Back

Well FIPSters, the shit has officially hit the fan.

Our friends at Neighbors for (no more) Better Bike Lanes and their tardy allies the Seniors for Safety have officially bitch slapped the DOT with a classy lawsuit. And since I am officially the FIPS Bike Wars correspondent, it is my mission to report on this crucial new stage in the battle for Prospect Park West.

Not to bore those who have all the deets on this issue but if you're showing up late to the game you can catch up on how this monstrosity unfolds here:

Or here.

Or here.

And then there's here. Oh and don't forget about here.

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NEW BROOKLYN CIVIC COUNCIL

image via Park Slope Lens

On Monday, a group of concerned, verbally precise and occasionally paranoid Brooklyners birthed a new alliance to advance the values of our fair borough. Behold! The Brooklyn Neighborhood Congress lives!

While a scenic pile of avocados looked on, about 40 members of various Brooklyn civic boards and advocacy groups gathered in Piramide in the Slope to construct the group.

A few things happened

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[OPINION] Marty Markowitz Is A Douchebag

I'm sorry ppl: this dude is just a gigantic douchebag.

Apparently the writer of the Brooklyn Spoke blog thought it was inappropriate for our Borough Prez to feature a goddamned pole dancer during his state-of-the-borough speech last week and so he wrote  Markowitz a letter to express his concern.

Personally, I thought the letter was well written, respectful and referenced the writer's concern for the message  this sent to our young girls. And as a father, I thought he actually had a fucking point. He ended with this: "I think you owe women and girls, who make up half of your constituency, an apology."

Three days later, he got the following response from our esteemed Borough Prez:

From: Markowitz, Marty

Mon, Feb 7, 2011 at 2:26 PM

Are you serious?????? First, there were no young girls present and
secondly, this guest did nothing lewd…she runs a business that is all
about exercise for men and woman…..this was not about sex
dancing….every year in my annual Borough speech I present bonafide
Brooklyn characters…and unique Brooklynites doing unique
things……that’s all there is to it…..marty

AYFKMWTS!?

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