MAGIC 8 BALL SOUNDS OFF ON MARTY MARKOWITZ CAR GATE

Once upon a time, I kinda liked our borough president Marty Markowitz.

I thought he was a jolly little public figure, who laughed a lot at community events and made the borough bright and gay (read both meanings into that word). Once at the Met Opera event in Prospect Park a couple of summers ago he opened the show by declaring we should all enjoy our beverages in covered containers.

Hehehehe... what a funny little man. It's like the Borough President was trying to be my friend.

In my own little twisted fantasy, I pictured him to be this city's next LaGuardia, throwing slot machines into the East River and demanding that when his plane landed, it landed in New York and not in New Jersey.

Then I found out he was a gigantic  little a-hole. Among other things, this was confirmed for me when he chose the wrong side of the bike lane issue...that's when things promptly became personal.

He bitched and moaned and HAD TO sing about how Brooklyn was overrun with bike lanes and then made the most ridiculous statement ever: we were forgetting about cars.

Really Marty?!

Have you been down Flatbush Ave at 1:30 in the afternoon,  or the Gowanus expressway at ANY time of night or day? This borough is bitch-slapped with traffic all day every day.  But poor Marty fears the wayward automobile driver is on his way to become nothing more than a museum piece, and so he's taken matters into his own hands. Which is why, I guess he keeps THREE DRIVERS on call for himself, at all times. HOT!

Yes, folks: Marty thinks there's absolutely nothing wrong with using nearly $200,000 of the tax payers' hard earned money to pay for three different drivers at his disposal.  According to our friends at Gothamist, he says these professional chauffeurs are a "necessity" because he's on call 24/7, 365. Um except the mayor rides the fucking subway to work and your Staten Island peer doesn't even have a driver. Perhaps you should do what all your fellow Windsor Teezers do: GET BENT OVER EVERY MORNING BY THE CULVER REHABILITATION ON THE F LINE!

Now that I've exorcised that demon, I'm left with no other recourse but to Magic 8 Ball Mr. Markowitz's ass in order to try to make sense of it all. Remember folks (from our little Magic 8 Ball bike lane experiment) I am not manipulating the 8 Ball. Whatever he says, I write.

Magic 8 Ball do you require a professional chauffeur because I keep you on call 24/7?

M8B: Yes, definitely.

Little bitch, you just sit on a shelf all day... Do you think Marty Markowitz needs 3 drivers?

M8B: My reply is no.

image via BrownstonerShould Marty ride a bike to work, M8B?

M8B: Don't count on it.

I won't and he probably can't. That is a three wheeler he's riding in that pic.

Do you agree with Marty's stance that there are too many bike lanes in Brooklyn?

M8B: Cannot predict now.

Fine. You're entitled to your opinion.

Let me rephrase the question: Do you think Brooklyn is forgetting about the automobile?

M8B: Don't count on it.

At least we can agree on that.

Do you think Marty is a talented singer?

M8B: Outlook not so good.

M8B one of my FIPS cohorts wanted me to ask you this question: Do you think Marty will get caught up in any hooker and/or cross dressing scandals anytime soon?

M8B: Without a doubt.

Just remember FIP'sters you heard it here first.