GET YOUR MOTHERFUCKING BACKPACK OUTTA MY MOTHERFUCKING FACE

This picture was taken Wednesday night, around 6:30 on the Brooklyn Bound Q Train. How did I get this photo, you might be wondering? Well, I managed to snap this by lifting up my iphone 1 millimeter from my face. Cause you see, that's WHERE THIS MOTHERFUCKERS'S BACKBACK WAS....DIRECTLY IN MY FACE.

Honestly, I'm bored of this shit too people. Like, why in the Christ are we still having this conversation?? How do you not know by now, that the moment you get on the subway, your backback needs to come OFF OF YOUR MOTHERFUCKING BACK??? You then place said backpack in between your legs, and stand there like a normal fucking human being until its time to get OFF the subway again, at which point you are then free to put your MOTEHRFUCKING BACKBACK back on your motherfucking back.

Any questions???

(p.s. This dude got off the train with me at the 7th Avenue stop...can anyone identify the stripey shirt or hipster wannabe haircut?).

OPEN LETTER: STAY OFF MY SIDEWALKS

If you can find the fucking sidewalk, stay off it or else.

Dear Delivery Men of Park Slope,

First, let me start this off by saying I'm very grateful for you.  You do a job that I don't want to, and for a mere few extra bucks, indulge my sloth and gluttony right to my front doorstep.  I'd give you all one massive hug, but I'm usually too busy stuffing my face with Thai food that I make you deliver during the ninth blizzard in this month that's probably going on outside right now.

Now that that's out of the way, here's the deal.  Just because you are bringing some equally fat and lazy Slope resident delicious treats doesn't mean that you are allowed to ride your bike on the fucking sidewalk.  It does not mean you are allowed to put my health and life in danger.  And it definitely does not grant you the permission to keep going on a fucking straight trajectory while you expect me to dive into the bushes to avoid you, ostensibly testing my athletic ability to play human Frogger.

I'm sure you'll all tell me to get off my own ass and get my own food.  But that's beside the point.  And as long as I have this forum to bitch - and as long as you riding on the sidewalks is illegal, because I'm preeeety sure it is - I will continue to shout obscenities at you as you ride by.

Listen, I have sympathy - I was almost engaged to a man who delivered pizza throughout his teen years, so I not only understand how much your job blows, but also commiserate with your girlfriends who have to hear your whining about how undertipped you were.  But for fuck's sake, keep it off the sidewalks.

Compassion through bitching, 

Meredith

BREEDER v. BREEDER: PARK SLOPE PARENTS PULL THE PLUG

Well, it's official folks: Allison is now a ginuwine BR-ALLER.

She joins an elite group of BREEDERS who somehow managed to avoid becoming totallyfuckingannoying zombie parents by holding on to some modicum of their former fun/cool lives, and/or maintained the ability to express original, non-helicopter parental thoughts from time to time (BR-ALLER-n. a BREEDER who's proven themselves to be cool enough that, despite their tendencies to procreate, can still maintain the basic principles of a BALLER attitude and lifestyle).

Cause, really, what's cooler than having your Park Slope Parents membership RE-FUCKING-VOKED after you've "violated their joining agreement!?" (A: not much). Behold:

Click to read more ...

BREAKING: BREEDER v. BREEDER??? [Censorship on Park Slope Parents]

I didn’t start last week with “incite breeder culture war” on the top of my to-do list. I’m a peace-loving proponent of coexistence, goddammit. I am a "live and let live" kind of gal (well, in theory...most of the time). But when I run into something that is simply so INDEFUCKINGFENSIBLE, I get well and truly up in arms, which I now officially am.

So, you BREEDERS want a war???
 
Well, okay then.

Click to read more ...

Bussaco To Katy Sparks: 'Don't Fuck With Us' [Well, Kinda]

Ok, so they didn't *quite* say that, but they are stepping up to the plate and calling out former chef Katy Sparks as the likely source for the bouncing checks, business is falling off rumor of last week.

Bussaco owner Scott Carney claims that everything is just peaches-n-cream over there, and though they *did* bounce a couple of checks (oopsie!) they paid em off and all's cool. Apparently they have a new chef, Andrew Smith, formerly of Lupa and del Posto, and Carney claims everything is just fine, thank you very much.

Click to read more ...