Or so they claim.
It seems as though S Clubs, that gym on Union and 7th Ave, is chatty about way the hell more than their desire for you not to fuck people in their Finnish Sauna.
Owner Nick Kotsonis took to Brooklynian yesterday to offer up a state of the union address as they approach their 11-year anniversary.
While you really should check out the entire post, here are some highlights:
We will be having further social mixers, where the members can relax and enjoy themselves.
By popular demand, our SKYDIVING TRIP is returning where members can feel the thrill of jumping out at 13,000 feet and experiencing the adenaline rush of freefalling.
Ok, I'd like to be first one NOT to sign up for that trip. Skydiving with the dude who sweat all over my treadmill and then didn't mop it up? No thanks.
We will be doing food drives that remind me of my Grandfather when he opened the Purity Diner in 1929 and donated food to the community during the Depression.
Purity? You guys still own that? If so, seems like you got a leetle problem with the Health Dept? Un poco?
We will also make sure that our qualified staff makes the members experience and enjoyable one, and we will never hire individuals who are publicly registered deviants. Unlike our bankrupt prone corporate, faceless competition.
Ok, so lemme translate: CRUNCH HIRES DEVIANTS. I mean, right? Didn't they go bankrupt not too long ago? Also what the hell does "registered deviant" even mean? Like child molesters and shit? This dude sounds like he's ready to throw down!
Finally, I would like to take this opportunity to personally apologize to the community for any and all past mistakes and errors of judgement. As with any business, mistakes will be made, and the community has, quite rightly, revealed those errors to me.
I take full responsibilty for these errors, amd I take full blame for any policy judgements that did not work. I would hope that people would not take out their angst against my General Manager and executive staff. They were merely following policies set by this office.
Hunh? WTF does all this mean? Cause it sounds rully, rully interesting! In fact, I wonder if this why they changed their name?
Ok, in full disclosure: I joined this club recently and for my purposes, I'm loving it so far. It's so ridiculously expensive that it's never crowded, and also it's a block away from my apartment. I got a massage recently with Robyn in the spa that was mind-bending, and I love Monday morn Kettlebell class.
But also, that Brooklynian post was kinda weird, right? And also, why is it S ClubS (plural)...I'm pretty sure there's just one?
(via Brooklynian)
jonathan | 
Image via www.plastikitty.com
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