I Came, I Saw, I Ate Pork: Bacon Takedown

Before you get all worried about how I'm gonna survive this attack of the bacon, let me assure you that I already have set appointments this week with my dietitian, my nutritionist, my naturopath, my personal trainer, and my cardiologist has a defibrillator on standby in case shit goes south. Now some basic stats about the Bacon Take-Down that went down this Sunday at The Bell House:

• there were 21 varieties of bacon dishes
• total amount of bacon consumed: 300 lbs

It basically went down like this: you eat a shit-ton of bacon:

Gabi Porter for MetromixJust when you think it's over, THINK AGAIN. There's more bacon.

Click to read more ...

BRING YOUR KIDS TO THE HARVEST FESTIVAL AND LEAVE THEM THERE

BALLERS should probably GTFO, because this Sunday kids and parents are gonna take over 5th ave at 3rd street like its their own fucking pride parade. It's the annual Harvest Festival at the Old Stone House park, people!

Tons of adorable kids will be interacting with BABY ANIMALS at the petting zoo (yikes!) while their parents bulk up on really necessary vegetables like legumes and what not.

According to Park Slope Parents, there will be pony rides (adorb), "monster making," crafts and a bunch of other junk. Shit goes down at 11:00 am and lasts til 3:00 pm.

I guess the childless are allowed, but remember, this event is kid-friendly, haters.

PROTEST SHIT: Park Slope Versus the PPW Bike Lane

OMGZ DO THE NEW PPW BIKE LANES MAKE YOU SO ANGRY YOU WANT TO SCREAM? DO YOU THINK BIKE LANES ARE SOCIALISM IN ACTION? RAH RAH SIS BOOM BAH BOOOOO BIKE LANES? Then you're in luck.

FIPS reader Anne wrote in about a protest against those new PPW bike lanes that're making everyone extra cranky.  It's happening next Thursday. (Anne astutely notes that we even have the best protests. We are #1, duh.)  The scoop:

Thursday on PPW and Carroll Street, there’s going to be a protest against those fucking bike lanes.  You know the ones that reduced the number of parking spaces, created a three lane road into two lanes causing more idling cars, fender benders, honking and traffic congestion, not to mention that the bicyclists don’t heed any traffic laws and zoom through lights then when you yell at them they tell you to fuck off.

This shit's happening Thursday, October 21st at 8:30 (call in dead to work and blame it on the bike lane) if you wanna go.  Bring a sign and your favorite Abbie Hoffman quote.  And don't shoot the fucking messenger, K?  I am just your humble disciple of all things Park Slope, as well as Anne's candid admission: "I must confess, my dogs McLovin and Blue like the bike lanes.  They present a nice smooth surface to poop on."

R U pencilin' it in?

Photo: votingfemale.wordpress.com

WHASSUP: Park Slope Restaurant Tour

This is the first Google image result for "delicious yums."

Next week, one of my fav things is happening in the Slope, so put down your breast pumps and clear your calendars, you busy bees.

*Thursday, Sept 23: The Park Slope Restaurant Tour is going down along Sixth, Seventh and Eighth Avenues.  Never been?  Basically, delicious restaurants put delicious things out for you to sample.  You eat them and walk along.  You tell yourself you're not gorging yourself on food, because the bites are small and you are walking, but actually you are and it's okay.  

Last year, I hadn't been to Anthony's, Fonda or Brook-Vin, but this thing turned me onto 'em, among others.  Anyway, if you're waiting for me to say something FIPS-y, keep on waiting, because I actually love this event.  Full list of participants here.

Oh, and if you see me hobbling down Seventh with my cane, yes, I do accept piggyback rides.  Just sayin'.

STFU Marrieds? The Newlywed Game Is Casting

Are you a disgustingly cutesy, newly married Park Slope/NYC couple desperate for a free trip ANYWHERE but here?

If so, you should totes apply for the new Newlywed game.

Here are the deets:

*You must be married less than two years

*Have great personalities (which true confessions, already eliminates about 50% of our commenters)

*And be able to attend a show taping in NYC.

If you're down with all this bullshit and want to make a fool of yourself on national TV cable TV, send an email with your names, date of wedding, current city and state, and contact email and phone numbers to: castingnewlyweds@gmail.com

Hurry up, ppl...if you've been married for 2 years already your baby making window of opp is wiiiiide open, so you wanna get in this embarrassing reality TV shit over with before you start a fam and have to show up at fucking PTA meetings-n-crap.