WHASSUP: 80s Dance Party + Speed Dating Returns to the Slope

No one's sent me shit to post for you this week, besides a free '80s dance party in Gowanus on Saturday night, so instead of giving you an events rundown, I will try to enchant the sex lives of our single readers.

Because everyone's obviously on a secret mission to turn you all into BREEDERS, I Heart Nerds speed dating is returning to Union Hall on Sunday, September 5.  Shit fills up pretty quickly, so I figured I'd throw it all over to you early to get your single asses registered for a less lonely Labor Day weekend.

Nerdy guys register here.  Nerdy ladies register here.  Now get talking about your gripes with that old PC-2700 RAM and how excited you are about ununseptium, then go get naked, since that's obviously the most logical segue.

(Shirt via CoverMyTorso)

Where, Oh Where, Are Park Slope's Buff Do-Gooders?

Hey, we want in on this action!  We've got the autistic kids but not the hotty models? Yes, per Gothamist, 150 of the city's finest are paddling around Manhattan to benefit eight different autism organizations. Haul your cupcake-bedazzled bellies and big butts over to the promenade NOW for a gander.

WANNA BE A BLOGGER?

Cause I know just the bitch who can teach all your asses how to blog verrrry HARD: m-e!

That's right, ppl...yours truly is going to be teaching an Intro to Blogging class this Fall at Mediabistro and if you take it, I'm pretty sure it will rule your face.

I will share all my tips-n-tricks and maybe you will discover once and for all whether blogging actually totally fucking sucks or totally fucking rules. Also we can make fun of all the FIPS commenters, and do each others hair, and live tweet everything that happens in class...or something like that.

Anyway, for realz: if you want to learn how the christ to put together one of these blogging thingamajiggies and not have it totally blow, sign up.

Shooting At Heatwave BBQ

Verrry impressive.

After last year's garbage-palooza at the annual Heatwave BBQ in Prospect Park thrown by MIH Ventures that left the park in shambles for dayz, attendees decided to srsly step up their game this year...by shooting each other.

From the Brooklyn Paper:

"One man was badly wounded and hundreds more were terrified when gunmen exchanged seven shots into a massive crowd outside Prospect Park last night after the controversial “Heatwave” gathering ended..."

A witness went on to explain: 

“It was not an amicable atmosphere,” said the witness. “Guys were getting out of fancy cars with bodyguards.”

Another witness said, “It was like it had been building up to something for quite some time,” describing six or seven shots.

Uhm, I have a groundbreaking idea: how's about the Parks Dept NEVER issues another permit to these MIH mofos again??

Brooklyn Kinda Love: Your Love, On Cam

So, maybe your Real World: Red Hook audition didn't work out because you didn't have enough sex with strangers, or your frequent discussion of ovulation schedules wasn't exactly the kind of fodder for which MTV was hoping.  We have sympathy, really.  I mean, come on: CHET.  Anyway, someone heard your cry, and your chance at stardom has been revived.

A documentary called Brooklyn Kinda Love is looking for BREEDERS and DINKS (read: "couples") ages 18-35 to star in their film about what relationships are like in this fine borough.  Produced by the HBO Taxicab Confessions crew, they'll follow you around for about five days a week or four to six months, capture the levels of awesome and sorta shitty through which your epic love story goes, and you will receive monies and eternal reverence.*  Apply here: 877-402-2278.

I say that if a pair from the Slope gets picked, they get a blog franchise on FIPS.  Thoughts, Erica? I mean, really--what better place to look than Park Slope, where single people come to understand that we've clearly done something wrong if we're not already pledged in holy matrimony.  My obvious personal bitterness aside, the Slope is a casting director's playground for about nine billion reasons, though you don't read this blog for me to tell you them.  Seriously, though, let us know if you've thrown your hat into the ring.

*FIPS cannot vouch for the levels of either of these.

(via Brokelyn)