WARNING: Your Tasty Icy Treat *May* Be Germier Than The Seats At The Pavillion Movie Theater

Yes, I realize its supposed to fucking SNOW TODAY, people, but we are cutting edge here at FIPS. So when everyone is all focused on winter-n-shit again, we're rolling it back to focus on Spring. And what do we all do the second it warms up? We buy ice cream...or ices in the case of FIPS reader Ally, who is hoping that her brush with disgustingness will help to save even ONE of you from contracting monkey AIDS. Behold:

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WHASSUP [Eat This, Drink That Edition]

* A new bar is opening up in the old Cattyshack space (see above): Mission Dolores. This place is a collab between Mike and Ben Wiley of Bar Great Henry, and it should be open in a couple of weeks-ish (Brownstoner).

*Bar Reis's sandwich shop experiment, Reis 100, has been closed (does mean that you now can't get those sandy at Bar Reis?? Cause that would BLOW). Anyway, its going to be replaced with an Italian, small plates concept restaurant which will focus on affordable, local fare (ZagatBuzz).

*There is apparently a new bagel shop opening on 7th Ave, a whole block away from La Bagel Delight. At the moment, I'm totally confused about this bullshit, as that is like the LAST FUCKING thing we need here (hello future business owners, if you are looking for ideas, people, read our "Coming Soon to Park Slope" post).

*Some mom made a list of "baby friendly" bars to go to with your offspring. Surprise, surprise, Union Hall is on the list. The post mentions their rule that strollers are not allowed, but newsflash Union Hall: I was there a couple of Fridays ago and that place was OVER-fucking-run with strollers. So no one is paying attensh to that one (NY Post).

*The owners of Hotel Le Bleu realized that their rooftop bar sucked...probably after the neighbors started a campaign to get the place shut down due to all the annoying noise. So they are now going to replace it with a rooftop Italian restaurant. Wow, do we all remember this unforgettable quote from the Brooklyn Paper only last year about this "gamechanging" event?: “Everything that you thought was, now isn’t. Everything that you wish could have been, has now become.” Yes, indeed (The Brooklyn Paper).

So Apparently That New "Secret" Restaurant Behind Loki Lounge is a Steakhouse: Benchmark

So says, Gothamist.

You can choose from 5 different cuts of steak, and of course the meat is pasture raised and locally sourced (I mean, wtf do you think it would be? This IS Park Slope). Also they are planning to build an "aging room" for in-house cured meats and sausages.

Chef Ryan Jaronik (formerly of Monkey Town in Williamsburg) is rockin it out in the kitchen.

Ok, so I'm officially intrigued.

Also, this seems like as good a spot as any to bring up a pet peeve of mine: why in the fuck do you people who get your meat well done even EAT meat? What is the point?

Personally, I think that anything beyond medium is pushing it a bit too far (and I like to go rare or medium rare), but when you head into the medium well/well done zone, that shit doesn't even taste like meat anymore!?

Anyway.

Yeah: Benchmark...it's open for dinner (brunch is coming soon).

[Anyone tried it??].

FIPS Food Throwdowns: The Sweet & Sour Edition [Szechuan Delight vs. Red Hot II]

FIPS Food Throwdowns is a monthly series where we order the same exact thing from two different Park Slope restaurants, get it delivered, and evaluate which was better.  It's a culinary smackdown...a triumph of the delivery will. 

If you're unfamiliar with FIPS Food Throwdowns check out our first one, where the sombrero-wearing ayayayayyyy ridiculous Rancho Alegre beat out Barrio in a guacamole throwdown in the biggest upset of 2010 (not counting the Sandra Bullock/Jesse James debacle, of course. It's embarassing how much I care). 

This month, it's all about the Asian invasion, baby!  And by Asian invasion, I mean something really inauthentic like sweet & sour chicken.  Szechuan Delight versus Red Hot II—who will be the champion?  

Both places will be judged by certain criteria:

Ordering ease: Ever had to spend 15 minutes on the phone just trying to order a fucking chips and guacamole only to find out they have a $30 minimum and don't take American Express?  Yeah, thanks, Los Pollitos II.  We appreciate it when a place makes it simple.

Delivery time: Anything under 15 minutes is a miracle.  Anything over 45 minutes, I'm grabbing my torch and pitchfork.  

Price: Because you should never spend $40 on takeout unless it's 4AM, you're drunk, and you decide that you and your two friends need 5 large pizzas.  

How'd it hold up?: Soggy fries, leaking miso soups, cold pizza—even though I know my food is being slung over some guy's shoulder and transported on a bike, I'd like it to not look like it was.  

Taste: Obviously.

Bonus: Extra sauces?  Plastic containers that you can use again for lunch?  Score.

So, let's do this!

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WHO GIVES A SHIT: COMING SOON TO PARK SLOPE?

Ok, take note:

NONE OF THIS SHIT is actually coming to Park Slope...Y-E-T.

But, hello future business owners: WE NEED THIS STUFF! ALL OF IT!

So, yeah: here's my list of restaurants/businesses/services that *should* be in Park Slope, but are not:

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