Rachel's Fabulous Flaming "Happy Hour"

Photo via Seamless

How much would you pay for a margarita? Back in my day, we'd congregate at El Sombrero in the LES & blow our paychecks on crack margaritas. I don’t know...what did they cost in 2003 LES dollars? $25 a pitcher? Whatever it was, no biggie. They had crack in them & you could get them to go in a Styrofoam cup.

I'm almost 40 now. El Sombrero has closed. These days in Park Slope, the equivalent is Rachel's...I guess. The lady friend, a mutual friend & a few other acquaintances have spent many day-off late afternoons/early evenings enjoying cheap, apparently potent margaritas beneath the tacky ass flames of Rachel's signage.

A week or so back, the aforementioned mutual friend had SHOCKING news to report...Rachel's had raised the price of EVERY SINGLE ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGE ON THE MENU. Bottles of Corona were now $11. Margaritas now ranged from $10-$13. To say the least, she was incensed.

I called bullshit. While mutual friend is a longtime friend, she occasionally fails to get the whole story. I turned to recent Yelp reviews. Big S. wrote "This place is just sort of weird. Why are bottles of beer $11 dollars unless you have a coupon in a cheap texmex joint?" Liz B. noted that "So.... There's really no $4 margaritas despite the huge sign that's permanently fixed above the entrance. However, the bartender seemed to take pity on us and give us $5 drink tickets that made our $10 margaritas half price... close enough.”

The other night, I stopped by in the early evening to see what the fuck was going on. I sidled up to the bar. A smiley bartender sidled over & I said "I'll just have a beer," ordering up a Corona draft. She poured it up. No need for a menu. "That'll be $4." In the interest of journalism, I remained unfazed. Then I asked her about happy hour.

"It's always happy hour here," she replied through a wall of grinning teeth.

“So is there a happy hour special?” I inquired.

She smiled. "Yes…and we also have a happier hour."

The distinction between the two wasn't clear. I left confused.

The next night, I returned. As I settled at the bar, a different bartender slid a menu in front of me. I turned to the drinks page.

Pomegranate Margarita...$12. A bottle of Modelo...$11. Had I stumbled into the same alternate universe that Yelpers & my mutual friend had? As the bartender quickly explained when she saw me looking quizzically at the drinks page..."All drinks are $5 off...ALL THE TIME." IT'S ALWAYS HAPPY HOUR HERE.

So WTF in the name of discount pricing is going on here? Rachel's has artificially doubled their prices in the interest of a neverending happy hour charade? They printed up a bunch of coupons & then gave up on that? Til recently, I'd avoided Rachel's because their gaudy neon flames adorning their building were so awful that they made the Drip Building look cool. Now, I'm going to avoid Rachel's because this weird promotional tactic is more ridiculous than Sandra Bullock as a medical engineer/software analyst/actress.