Guess I'll Cancel My Hair Appt At My Fancy NYC Salon Now

Yo Rapunzel: You guys wanna borrow my printer?

(via Gowanus Lounge)

I Feel Really Weird About Going Into My Old Korean Deli While I'm Carrying Bags From Union Market

Back in the day I used to go to my 11th street bodega for everything. It was way closer, cheaper, and friendlier than Dagastino's near 6th, and jesus god did I hate that overpriced shithole. I was so psyched when I first discovered the 11th street place- decent vegetables, organic milk, good selection of cleaning shit; all-in-all a great place for the midweek re-stock.

But damn, when I heard they were opening a Union Market on 7th? I was ecstatic. That's when the South Slope really arrived. Fuck gentrification guilt and all that bullshit - I'm over it. If we gonna do this, we gonna do this, I don't give a fuck I'll say it: I love Union Market. Ok, so it's expensive as hell, but you get what you're gouged for. What's your other option? Yeah, like I'm gonna get lox and whitefish from a place that sells lotto.

Anyway, I've been friendly with the eccentric Mr. Miagi character at the 11th street place for years now. So even when I knew I'd be getting organic Romaine and Dagoba Chocolate instead of his stank Nestle, I always swore I'd go back to 11th street regularly for stock items and to support the local business.

And I do still represent - I go there for shit like GOYA BLACK BEANS (better and cheaper than any organic-ass shit you can get at Union Markup or Fairway) So I walk in with fifty dollars worth of groceries from Union Market, and holding my gigantic plastic bags of yuppie organic bounty, I pay him a dollar-thirty-five for a can of beans. That includes tax.

Now mind you, he's never said anything to make me feel bad. In my fantasy though, he's going through my bags saying "whata-this? You can a-buy tomato *here* we have tomato... Milk you buy-a here, we *have*!! Next time you buy from ME ok!?"

He's never said anything like that. Regardless though, I feel like he's starting right into the double-bagged designer plastic, burning a hole clear through my avocado butter.

I feel totally weird and self-conscious going in there like that. I suppose I could hide the bags at home, but fuck that; I'm not makin a second trip just for black beans.

FUCK Krispy Kreme: 7th Avenue Donut Shop is Where It's At

Save for one forgettable, beer soaked evening, I've never eaten anything at this place. I mean, like no *real* food. In fact, I don't hoof it over to this fine establishment often. But when I do, its for one reason and one reason only: the best fucking donuts on the entire motherfucking planet.

I'm having difficulty declaring, with common everyday words, how much I truly, madly, deeply love these donuts. But, I do. I really, really love em.

I often order a "double header" which is an invention (from my own mind's eye) consisting of one marble twist and one coffee roll combo. However, I've also tried the:

*chocolate frosted
*vanilla frosted
*jelly
*boston creme
*chocolate coconut
*plain

And they are all epic.

I could write symphonies for these donuts...beautiful poems...or deep, meaningful (read: inappropriate) love letters.

Here's the deal: they make all of these donuts, FRESH, right in this place. Like, there is no big truck that comes by in the morn and delivers this precious sugar cargo from the same fucking industrial kitchen in Midpoint that all of the other diners get their mediocre pastries from. This shit is Fresh Prince from Bel Air FRAYSH, son. No joke.

On top of their undeniable donut delish-ush-ness, these suckers are CHEAP. Like recession 08' cheap (we bought 7 donuts tonight for $3.85!).

Anyway.

All that's really left to say is this: if you haven't ever tried any donuts from 7th Avenue Donut Shop, do it. I swear on my life you won't be sorry.

SEX IN THE SLOPE: 1 + 1 = ?

Ok, fuck it. We're just gonna go for it and see what happens.

Also we're guessing that all of you horny motherfuckers are just as curious as we are, so here it is:

How old are you?
Are you: married/single/dating?
How often do you get it on?

That's it.

Answer in the comments (and feel free to go stealth anon if you want some prive)

FIPS ToDo's

*Bemoan the fact that I'm not actually talented enough to create anything worthy of submission to the BKLYN DESIGNS 2009 exhibition competition, and then encourage all of your asses to. They just extended the deadline, yo! (OTBKB).

*Bah humbug, or Brookyule? (happy Channukah!) Send in your best holiday/seasonal pics to GL pronto (Gowanus Lounge).

*While you're at it, email the peeps at NY Mag (reasons@nymag.com) to tell them all the reasons you lurv NYC. The best submissions will make it into their Dec issue (Daily Intel).

*Go to costco? We're totally out of diet coke. I've gotta card...anyone wanna exchange a ride over there for entree into BK's finest discount establishment? (right here, right now).

*Kiss my 401k goodbysies (Didja hear? We're in a recession) (Daily Intel).

*Dream of a time when I can afford to do shit like this again: oh, how I would love to go paperless (ed note: why the eff is it so damn expensive, tho??) (Pixily).

*Whine about my "quality show fatigue:" Mad Men! Gossip Girl! Celebrity Rehab! It's sooooo haaaaard! (Buzzfeed).