Target Even More Fucked Than We Previously Thought

And let's be honest folks...that's no easy feat.

As some of you might recall, FIPS Undercover did a rollicking four-part series that delved deep into the craptastical shitteousness of, what we believe to be, the worst Target in the United States of America. But as bad as we thought that mofo was, we *may* have found a Target that's even worse...in East New York

Not that we're surprised.

So, check it: apparently an East New York Target employee got a bright idea that she wanted to steal some flat screen TV's. So the bitch hid her BF in a broom closet for five hours, and then the dude tried to set fire to the store. In the chaos, Bonnie and Clyde were all set to steal eight flatscreens. Instead they got arrested.

Oh yeah...and caused $100,000 worth of damage to the store.

BWWAAAHHHAAAAAAA!

Uhm, Target? We totally fucking told you so.

(via 1010 Wins)

Hi Target, Corp! [Waves Hello]

Thanks to our handy little statcounter program, we see you clicking all around our lil ole site.

We hope you are enjoying our four-part takedown of your Atlantic Center Mall Tarjay!  What with the helpful staff there, plentiful resources and surgeon-like level of cleanliness in the store, it really was quite a hoot to put it all together!

Anyway.

In the meantime, do let us know if you have any questions about:

*The deeply disturbing level of suckage at the Atlantic Center Mall Target

*What you might do about this deeply disturbing level of suckage

*How Park Slope originally got its name.

*Or anything else you might be curious about!

Really...we're here to help. FIPS CARES, yo!

FIPS UNDERCOVER IV: Target, Atlantic Center Mall [A Final Plea]

This is part four of our four part series in which we attempt to uncover, once and for all, why the hell Target at the Atlantic Center Mall sucks a big dick.

ICYMI, Here's part one, part two and part three.

Dear Target Corporation,

Over six months ago, we embarked on a journey.  There was danger all around us, and uncertainty around every corner, but the people had spoken and our mission was clear: figure out WTF is going on at the worst, most horrendous joke of a retail establishment in (we're guessing) the entire U.S of A: Target at the Atlantic Center Mall.

The conditions at this store are so hard to believe for the average Target-goer, at times the people turned on us. We were accussed of being racist....manipulating the situation....planting Starbucks coffee cups.  Alas, we can confirm, without reservation, that we are responsible for none of those things.

Here's the thing, Target: I LOVE your asses.  I have been to Target stores in California, New Jersey, Florida, Connecticut and other parts of New York.  On every single one of these occassions I have encountered friendly staff members, shelves busting with stock, reasonable check-out lines and clean aisles.  I LOVE that you guys are forward thinking and work with all sorts of cool up-and-coming designers.  I LOVE that you used a Sam Prekop song in one of your commercials.  And I LOVE that you guys give a ton of money to great charities and support awesome community and cultural organizations (like the First Saturday series at the Brooklyn Museum of Art).  Mostly, you guys fucking RULE.  Target is seriously one of my fav-OH-rite stores....for realz.  HOWEVER, the Target at Atlantic Center Mall is truly an abomination...and you guys really need to do something about it.

True, I am a bitchy, smart-ass, know-it-all blogger--and it might seem like the easy thing to do to just dismiss my ranting. But I'm honestly sharing these videos with you for your own good.  Actually, no...WE are sharing these videos with you for your own good. Because I'm quite sure that I speak for a majority of my Brooklyn and NYC homies when I say: this is the worst Target I've ever seen.

So, please get your act together.  Pretty please, with sugar on top?

In lieu of an actual letter, we are asking that everyone who has ever had a bad experience at this Target to leave a comment below and "sign" this missive along with us.

Together we stand, united we fall.

Sincerely,

FIPS (& the frustrated citizens of the BK)

[A special, gigantic, Brooklyn We Go Hard thanks to :30 Second Life, who busted his ass (and almost got arrested) to bring you all of these kick ass vids.  Go to his site a lot AND follow him on Twitter]

FIPS UNDERCOVER III: Target, Atlantic Center Mall [Worse Than A Pap Smear]

This is part three of our four part series in which we attempt to uncover, once and for all, why the hell Target at the Atlantic Center Mall sucks a big dick.

ICYMI, Here's part one and part two.

NEWSFLASH: it's February. Christmas was over a month and a half ago. Now Duane Reade wants you to buy their Walt Whitman variety pack, chalky conversation hearts and pink M&M's. Back in our fave-oh-reet retail establishment, however, they *still* seem to be "restocking their shelves." That Christmas rush must have been fierce.

Dear anyone who is still claiming this shit is all a fluke: F.U.C.K. Y.O.U.

Click to read more ...

BREAKING: Self-Obsessed Jewish Blogger With Tiny Penis Thinks it's All About Him

In a psychotic turn of events, The Onion is ripping ME off!

I mean, what are the fucking chances that they just happen to post THIS right smack in the middle of all FIPS' Target Glory?

Okay, it's not exactly a rip-off - I mean, their spin is much funnier and more innovative than ours, but don't you think the chances are pretty gddamn high that they got this theme from us?

Cmon, whaddya think?