UPDATE: Jonathan Ames Wants Our Tivo

Yeah, so its looking like Jonathan Ames *might* be down for taking our Tivo.

Dream big, people! Soon after posting our Tivo offer yesterday morn, I received the above tweet back from JA himself.

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Man, These Senior BALLERS are BITCHES

Yes, kids are annoying as shit, but jaysus.

This retirement community in Florida wants to chase out this little red-headed 6-year-old girl whose mamz is buying crack pipes at the bodega. While her mom is gettin all Whitney Houston'd up, she's shacking up with granny and gramps, but as she's a wee bit under the age of 55, and their lovely little house is located smack dab in the middle of a retirement community, the senior BALLERS are p-i-s-s-e-d.

Grandma and Grandpa are willing to leave, but they can't sell their house because of the recesh-n-all, and their daughter is a crackhead, and man, the whole thing is just sad, sad, sad.

Hey, I know! Maybe Park Slope Parents can do a fundraiser for them?! And buy their house! And then start like a community, co-op time share program in Florida for stressed out Park Slope parents?? They can plant an organic garden, and hang hemp curtains and shit!

FIPS CARES!

(via Buzzfeed)

FIPS CARES: Wedding Photos 911

FIPS cares! (really...we do).

Ok everyone, listen up! We have another FIPS CARES community assignment. Why the fuck should you care? Cause maybe we'll be helping your ass next.

Emily needs our help:

I'm a regular reader who lives in & loves PS. I'm getting married this weekend in PS.  Yeah!  Only thing is, the weather is probably going to suck, big time.  Do you think you could help me by asking if people know of any place where a happy couple might be able to take some indoor pictures w/ their folks?
Help me FIPS, you're my only hope!
Cheers,
Emily

Hmm...what do you guys think??

The Montauk Club could be cool, but they usually have events there on weekends (and I'm not sure they'll let you just waltz on in). Same goes for Picnic House in Prospect Park. Maybe the main branch of the Public Library in Grand Army Plaza? A subway station for some fun shots? (I would go for 2/3 at Grand Army Plaza as its the "cleanest" in the nabe). Any other ideas?

Let's show Emily that FIPS CARES!

FIPS CARES: ROOMMATES & HEROES

FIPS cares! (really...we do).

Ok everyone, listen up! We have some more FIPS CARES community assignments. Why the fuck should you care? Cause maybe we'll be helping your ass next.

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FIPS CARES: Strap-Ons

Well, its been awhile folks, but just so you know: FIPS [still] CARES.

We have a rather compelling FIPS CARES request this week from Park Slope rez nyhydro50:

I have a fantasy. There's no easy way to say it, so here goes - I want to get done by a girl with a strap-on. I live in Park Slope, and I am not fat or ugly. If you are interested email me nyhydro50@aol.com. Talk Soon!

I have to say the "Talk soon!" with the cutesy exclamation point is really what got me (though, in contrast, the aol email addy is pretty much a deal beaker. Who the fuck still uses AOL???).

Anyway.

I assume nyhydro50 is a dude, but I'm really not sure. Anyone (with looser email restrictions than I) wanna help this poor soul out??

p.s. this post was, unfortunately, NOT sponsored by Babeland.

FIPS CARES: Lost Ipod

FIPS cares! (really...we do).

Ok everyone, listen up! We have another FIPS CARES community assignment. Why the fuck should you care? Cause maybe we'll be helping your ass next.

"Bloomie" is a Friend of FIPS (FOF) from way back in the day (like November). And now she needs our help:

While running for the bus this morning my ipod dropped out of my pocket and by the time I realized and turned around and headed back it was long gone. If you hear of anyone who found an 80 gb black ipod classic in a hard case with purple headphones could you pretty, please let me know? I dropped it on Prospect Avenue bt 5th and 6th.

I know the economy is horrendous and we're all poor-n-shit, but if you find "Bloomie's" ipod, let us know and I promise we'll write a big fat post about how awesome and cool and hot and rad you are.  Cause FIPS CARES!

Hi Target, Corp! [Waves Hello]

Thanks to our handy little statcounter program, we see you clicking all around our lil ole site.

We hope you are enjoying our four-part takedown of your Atlantic Center Mall Tarjay!  What with the helpful staff there, plentiful resources and surgeon-like level of cleanliness in the store, it really was quite a hoot to put it all together!

Anyway.

In the meantime, do let us know if you have any questions about:

*The deeply disturbing level of suckage at the Atlantic Center Mall Target

*What you might do about this deeply disturbing level of suckage

*How Park Slope originally got its name.

*Or anything else you might be curious about!

Really...we're here to help. FIPS CARES, yo!

Swine Flu: The Real Facts

Ok, ok, I know everyone has their panties all up in bunch over this whole Swine Flu bullshit.

It's scary...it's spreading...and its heading right for your politically forward thinking, self-important children! [kidding...of course.  Totally kidding, people].

Anyway.

So, as everyone knows, FIPS CARES and we really just wanted to take some time out to ensure that we were doing our part to help spread correct information about this porktastical flu.

To find out, definiitively, whether or not you or your loved ones have contracted Swine Flu, please click here immediately: Do I have Swine Flu?

(via Gillian The Great)

FIPS CARES: FASHION FOR ALL

FIPS cares! (really...we do).

Ok everyone, listen up! We have another FIPS CARES community assignment. Why the fuck should you care? Cause maybe we'll be helping your ass next.

One of our fave FIPSers, Felicia Sullivan has put together an amazing event "Fashion For All" and she needs A LOT of fucking help.

Click to read more ...

BREAKING: FIPS HOTTIE 'LEAH' HAS A SWEET LITTLE ASS

Well, the internet sure has arrived. When I was a lad, the only people who used computers were big disgusting unshowered men who stank so bad they tended to commit suicide. Not anymore - you should have seen the turnout for last night's FIPS Booze Cuise - a whole slew of great looking young people! And they use fucking computers! Well slap my ass and call me Erica.

The party even had its requisite hottie, LEAH, who all the guys kept pretending not to look at over their pints of park slope pilsner.  Boy was she hot.

Now listen, here's why I'm posting:

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