Hands Up if You've Ever Had Dirty Nasty Freaky Monkey Sex Behind the 5th Avenue Key Food!

Photo via Flickr User threecee

People.  People.  PEOPLE!

It has come to our attention that certain denizens of Park Slope have been shooting up and having sex on a dirty mattress behind the Key Food on 5th Avenue.  And, to add insult to injury, certain other denizens of our neighborhood have started to blog about the fact that you're on their block shooting up a bad bundle of antifreeze and turning tricks to pay for it.

Really, Park Slope?  Really?!?  Do you think that we have time to write FiPS posts about your sloppy drug and dirty sex habits?  We do not.  We're busy trying to save the world from people like you, if you must know.

In case you're not one of the nasty freaks shooting eight balls behind the grocery store, let me 'splain what's going down.  Gregory Place is that dead-end street behind the 5th Avenue Key Food, and while it's always had a reputation for a great place to spark up a doobie and get laced, the people on that block have started to notice that the sitchy-ay-shun has turned south in a big way.  Addicts are shooting up, people are making secksie time, and there are used condoms everywhere.

Click to read more ...

Park Slope: The #1 Hood for Ordering Steamed Kale, Fresh Dumplings, Affairs

Our posts on Park Slope, whatever the hell they're about, often lead to three very solid conclusions:

1. Everyone--like, everyone--is married. And if they're not, there's something functionally wrong with them, since this is obviously the only logical conclusion. You follow? Good, glad.
2. No one is having sex. Because: a) everyone is married or b) there's something functionally wrong with him her, in which case, see 1. You're still with me? Good.
3. There is no 3, because you've all stopped reading by then, since this exists, and you have a pre-natal yoga class to go to anyway...or because you're late for your DATE TO MEET YOUR MISTRESS FROM ASHLEY MADISON.

GOOD -- GLAD YOU ARE DEFINITELY STILL WITH ME ON THAT ONE FOR SURE.

Click to read more ...

New Park Slope Storytelling Series Focuses on Sex

There's no denying that Park Slope has sex on the brain (this is still our most viewed FiPS post). For those who can't get enough of a tingly feeling in your nether regions, a new storytelling show is coming to Union Hall, and it's focused entirely on... you know.

Click to read more ...

I’m Picking Up Good Vibrations…And Free Sex Toys!

From Kimchi tacos and Belgian waffles to mysterious street meat and dirty water dogs, New York City food trucks have something to fulfill almost any lunchtime craving.  But what if you have a hankering for a little afternoon delight on your lunch break? Have no fear, the Trojan “Good Vibrations” mobile is here!

Click to read more ...

Park Slope Massage Therapist Uses Half Naked Photos To Sell Services

When it comes to massage therapy pamphlets, I'm so sick of seeing candles, feet and women with rocks eerily lining their backs. I want SEX -- in bold, urgent letters. Lucky for me, one Park Slope massage therapist is DEE-LIVERING:

This self-described "Italian American cutie" took to Craigslist clone Backpage.com to post an ad for her, ahem, services:

Click to read more ...