Dog Muggings: AYFKMWTS??

(this is not Lexie)

If you think this friggin recession is over, think again ppl. I mean, how can the recession POSSIBLY be over when shit like this is goin down (FYI, Lexie is a little Westie who lives up the street from us and is buds with Oliver; his mom sent along this note):

"I ran out of milk Sat night at 6.30pm so bundled Lexie up in his little green coat and walked down to Union & 7th to get some milk from Ace Supermarket. I tied lexie to the door (where I could see him through the glass) and grabbed the milk. As anyone who's been in Ace knows, the milk is located right inside the door, so I only had my back turned on Lexie for 10 seconds or so ( I know, I know: people will shout at me for leaving him alone outside and I  never normally do, but I needed some milk!). I was back outside within less than a minute, and when I came out someone had STOLEN THE GREEN COAT off of lexe's back!?.

WHAT. THE. FUCK??? I mean, who does that? 

I thank god the dog coat thief didn't steal Lexie, but I never expected my friggin dog to get mugged!

Lexie is OK post traumatic incident, but I swear to God: if I see someone with a dog in Lexie's green coat you better run in the opposite direction!!"

Ok, see!? How in the fuck can the recession be over if people have now taken to stealing motherfucking dog coats right off of your dog's motherfucking back!?

Un. Be. Lievable.

BREEDER RANT: Pissing on Park Slope?

So, I'm pulling up to park my "I wouldn't-be caught-dead-in-this-before-I became-a-BREEDER" minivan to the holy temple that is PS 321 to pick up my daughter, when something catches my eye. Outside the passenger-side window, I see this little fucker standing  there, with what looks to be his two moms, groping inside his sweats. The dude then pulls out his little pecker (!!??) and begins to piss (right there on 7th Ave!), missing my BREEDER-mobile by inches.

WHAT!!??

Needless to say, I am disgusted and appalled. I mean, for Christ’s sake, you can’t just piss all over Park Slope like that!.

Click to read more ...

'KILL JEWS' [Can We All Just Agree That This One Falls Under 'Not Cool?']

photo: Stephen Brown/Brooklyn Paper

This shit kinda makes me rethink the Hasidic driver post.

Some nice BREEDER picked up like two dozen "Kill Jews" strips of paper strewn along Sixth Avenue yesterday before turning them over to the police.

Daym, people.

(via The Brooklyn Paper)

Desperately Seeking Kook

So there's an event at The Bell House. You're all like "Where the fuck is Gowanus?  How far will I have to walk?," but you want to see a band/go to a tasting event/one of Erica's meatups/whatever else they have going on there, so you start walking.

Perched on the corner of a particularly desolate stretch of nothing, on your way to The Bell House, you'll see some pretty expansive graffiti along the way declaring that "Kook wants your soul."  Pretty ominous, except for the "Kook" name.  Of course, when my friend and I left The Bell House about 4 hours later, "Kook wants your soul" was screamed into the night (and on the long walk back home).  

Since my first Kook sighting, he's popped up in several places around the nabe. 

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Cool or Not Cool: Riding Your Bike With A Chainsaw?

Yo, I just walked my ass over to Duane Reade to get a fucking digital thermometer....99.9, bitches.

So, yeah, I'm not feelin so good. But emails like this *always* make me feel better.

From a FIPS reader:

"At around 4:30 today I was walking up 8th Ave with my two kids and I saw this police car turn the wrong way down Montgomery Place.  Then this guy came running out of his building to flag down the officer because he apparently had placed a call to them to report a man riding his bicycle up and down 8th ave "singing loudly, talking to people strangely and CARRYING A CHAINSAW!"  My 4-year-old son was fascinated by this story but I have to wonder, did anyone else see this??????"

Uhm, did you?? Because, if so, I NEED TO KNOW RIGHT FUCKING NOW.

Also, I gotta ask: Cool or not cool: riding your bike with a chainsaw? [I vote not cool, FYI].