What the Fuck is Up?

Ok, so in case you haven't noticed my 9543 posts about the Naughty Office Party Holiday Meatup (that's right, we wanna get you laid), we've been a teensy bit pre-occupied here over at FIPS HQ with sexy Santa costumes, and x-rated photocopy porn.

My RSS reader might be dead...I'm not sure and haven't bothered to check. And I haven't been on Brooklynian since my "Fips is pathetic" thread got way too positive and somone deleted it.

So what the fuck is going on this week? How is everyone? What are you doing and who are you doing with? I miss you assholes.

Talk to me, Park Slope Zeitgeist (in the comments...duh).

Is Your Bebe A Goth?

photo via NY Shitty

Now THIS is a trend I can totally fucking get behind: GOTH BABIES!

Do it, BREEDERS. Just say Y-E-S and let your kids' freak flags fly! (the bebe guyliner and bebe lace-up Doc Marten boots are just out of frame).

(Daily Intel via NY Shitty)

Further Proof That The Brooklyn Paper Is Totally Fucking Retarded

Le sigh.

It's shit like this that makes me wonder how in the Christ is the Brooklyn Paper is even considered a real newspaper?

Oh wait, its not.

Anyway.

Of course, they've weighed in on exactly how we should, as all for one and one for all Brooklynites, be responding to the hate parade that's gonna go down here on Saturday when the Westboro Baptist Church rolls on in with all their homies:

• Buy an ice cream cone and eat it really messily — so messily that news photographers can’t help but take a picture of the disgusting scene. Say you are protesting the tyranny of neatness in America today.

• Dress up in Antebellum garb and hold signs indicating your contempt for the Tariff of 1833. If asked, say you are a Whig.

• Wear a black-and-white-striped shirt, a beret and white face paint and perform a mime piece in protest of the widespread hatred of mimes worldwide.

Yes. I am totally fucking serious, people.

Here it is.

Retarded Asshole Bigot Fucktards To Descend on Park Slope

It's always fun when we're able to find a group that's way more annoying than all the tofu-lovin Coopretards, even more bitch-slappable than the stroller hogging moms at the Teat, and sooo much more offensive and deplorable than our own whiny, can't STFU bitchy bloggin' asses...and sheeet did we hit the jackpot with these mofos: The Westboro Baptist Church of Kansas.

I guess these fuckers were given leave from their mental hospital, and/or their Wal-Mart shifts, and somehow managed to collect enough food stamps to buy themselves some greyhound tickets from Kansas, a metro card and some turkey jerky? Cause they've done and dam gum embarked on The Remixt and Remastered Tour of Ignorance and Hate, OH Niners! Yee Ha!

This Saturday, they are scheduled to show their asses up at Temple Beth Elohim, on Garfield Place and 8th Avenue, from 9:45-10:15am (check out their handy dandy itinerary to see some of the other stops they'll be making!).

Click to read more ...

Department of Health: Back the Fuck Off of Me-n-my Dog

ICYMI, over at FIPS Headquarters, we all have some pretty strong opinions. And, duh, just because I'm foreign, I'm no different.

Yeah, dissent may rule round here, but also there are a few truths that us BALLERS hold to be pretty fucking self-evident. Here's one: kids ruin sex lives, and dogs get you laid.

Anyway, we already established why kids are more annoying than dogs, so no need to repeat it.

But here's what the fuck I'm all fired up about:

While some BALLER Jew friends of mine were busy with Rosh Hashanah and dealing with their BREEDER families this weekend, I took their totally fucking adorable dog and decided to utilize this amazing weekend weather for the precise purpose that God gave it to us: to chill outside with the dog and pound back a couple beers.

Click to read more ...