BREEDER RANT: Pissing on Park Slope?

So, I'm pulling up to park my "I wouldn't-be caught-dead-in-this-before-I became-a-BREEDER" minivan to the holy temple that is PS 321 to pick up my daughter, when something catches my eye. Outside the passenger-side window, I see this little fucker standing  there, with what looks to be his two moms, groping inside his sweats. The dude then pulls out his little pecker (!!??) and begins to piss (right there on 7th Ave!), missing my BREEDER-mobile by inches.

WHAT!!??

Needless to say, I am disgusted and appalled. I mean, for Christ’s sake, you can’t just piss all over Park Slope like that!.

As I get out of car, I’m debating whether or not to say anything to the mom(s?) or just let this one slide, but my decision was made after I came around the curb and saw the little menace waving his mini-wang around and pissing from side to side in an arch--as if we were at that hourly water show at the Bellagio Hotel. Ok, that did it for me.

“Hey!” I yell to one of the moms. “There are bathrooms you can take him into all up and down the avenue here.” Mom #1 looks back at me icicly like I’m the lunatic and tells me this whole thing is none of my business.

Well this really gets my self-righteous, smug, holier-than-Thou-Park Slope-mom hackles up (what is a hackle anyhow?) “Yes, it is," I screech, "it’s UNSEEMLY!”

I have never before used that word, and I will probably never use it again, but boy did it feel GOOD. Mom #1 then hurls something back at me about her kid's age, and then implies that I’m the prude as, clearly, there are loads and loads of people who find nothing wrong with the practice of little boys taking their peckers out of their pants and pissing all over 7th avenue (right in front of 321, no less!).

At this, I yell back that there are laws against public urination and she shoots back with: “for MEN not LITTLE BOYS!”  “NOT TRUE!” I yell back (is it?), and on and on it goes until I become conscious of the din of high-pitched little squallers streaming out of the holy temple school, and realize I best be movin’ along to greet my precious darling who, for the record, would never even think about pissing on 7th avenue (at least, I think).