Gettin' Wild in Park Slope

Do you live in perpetual fear of bedbugs, Mama Rosa employees, and robber raccoons? Well, add this freak to your list cuz he is so NOT kidding around: Wildlife Control Guy!

How his neighbors on 15th Street have not thrown him a welcoming block party yet is beyond me. There is little we know about WiCon Guy except for the evidence presented by his car.

 

I'm guessing this is not the guy who answers your 311 call to Animal Control, but that's just a hunch. For his day job, he either:

 

a) Runs a hearse company catering to deceased Furries.

b) Professionally collects Ghostbusters paraphernalia.

 

A man's car says a lot about him, no? Particularly when he posts helpful notices like this:

 

"Park Close At Your Own Risk"

You know, in case the wildlife gets out. Effective means of preserving your back bumper.

 

In other words: don't try to fuck with WiCon Guy. One of you did though, and he has a message for you:

click to enlarge

It says: "To whoever put the dead rat on my bumper: Now, that was funny! But it was illegal too, so I took a picture in case we catch you." And yep, that's an "I Heart Hunting" sicker below.

Most interestingly, WiCon Guy has a phone number. There is no way in hell I'm calling him and risking my number showing up on his Caller ID. But someone should! 718-832-1111.

So in conclusion, if you see a weird dude, who probably wears full-on Hazmat gear, shouldering a rifle while strolling Prospect Park, never fear, WiCon Guy is here!

Note: Eesh..I just looked up this number, and it goes to Naruto Ramen...so that's what's in the dumplings?!?

BREAKING: People At The Park Slope Food Coop Hire Hookers!

Short of the raccoon decapitation story, I'm pretty sure this is the best submission we've ever received here at FIPS HQ.

You see that pic of that woman in a hoochie mama dress, wearing fuck me heels up above? Well someonnnnne who works at the Coop is looking for her cause this bitch allegedly stole their dog!? And she may or may not be a hooker!? And they're offering you cash mon-ay if you can find this little skank-a-rella! And two months worth of Coop shifts! (ok, kidding about that last bit...cause two Coop shifts would be worth more like $2500).

Anyway.

Our new fave Coop Spy is this dude Aaron Naparstak, who noticed this remarkable flyer on the bulletin board outside their office during his last make-up shift. And sidenote: Aaron also confirms that's its totally fucking annoying to work with all those mofos with tales of bitchtastical shift leaders and check-out girls who ring your ass up while on conference calls. But who cares about any of that shit now...THERE'S A HOOKER DOG THIEF ON THE LOOSE!

Our list of shit to be deathly afraid in Park Slope is gettin kinda hectic, hunh?:

• Bedbugs
• Tornadoes
• Raccoons
• Opposums
• Hooker Dog Thiefs

I'm off to get Oliver micro-chipped....AH-gain.

So, About That Tornado Thing in Park Slope

There is no set of worldly circumstances that would allow you to not know that we just had a fucking tornado pass through the Slope.  When I surface at 9th Street daily, the list of things I don't expect to see generally include a Mets win, a yellow cab, and anything open at 10:15pm.  Usually, I don't think to include "tornado" or Brooklyn Industries without any windows.

The gentleman currently sitting to my right, who has spent a good deal of his life in Oklahoma and Kansas, is laughing at me as I type.

Anyway, send us your photos.  Better yet, send 'em to me so I don't give Erica an inbox heart attack.  Twitter says she's still recovering, anyway.

Edit 11:01pm: Photos from FIPS reader Vautrin. Thanks!

8th Avenue between 3rd and 4th Streets:

3rd Street between Eighth Avenue and Prospect Park West:

Greek Catholic Church between 2nd and 3rd Streets on Eighth Avenue:

Edit 11:52pm: Photos from Californian Caitlyn, who picked a pretty shitty/rad time to visit. She says, "I'm visiting from California--where we really don't have tornadoes--and was stranded at the Tea Lounge during this afternoon's sudden thunderstorm. I took a few photos on the walk back to my friend's place on Eastern Parkway across from the Brooklyn Museum."

Edit 7:44am: Photo of Flatbush from Michelle Citrin.  She says, "Trees flatbushed!"

 Edit 11:10am: Our beloved Gogo Gowanus sent these, a laundromat at 4th Ave and 13th Street shredded:

And via Katie Clark, 6th Ave between 13th and 14th Street:

Edit 3:06pm: From Heather D:

Oh Hey There, Just Takin' My IGUANA for a Little Ol' Walkeroo

We have our share of, um, personalities in the Slope.  Of course, our weirdos are pretty tame, and all things considered, they don't even flirt with the levels of strange in some of the other city nabes.  But I should be used to seeing some odd shit every now and then, yeah?

Okay, so how about a lady walking a fucking iguana down Eighth Avenue at Windsor Place on a leash?  This was not in the repertoire of "weird shit I expect to see daily in Park Slope" (or, if it is, guess I'm a little rusty on my lizard maintenance, in which case I'm deeply sorry).  So, for the love of research and all of your asses, I asked if I could take a photo.  And did I get a photo?

Yes.  But I was thinking like a "You keep your iguana on the sidewalk while I take out my phone" kinda photo set up, not a "OH HEY HERE'S MY IGUANA WILL YOU GET HIS GOOD SIDE OH THERE HE GOES!"  Anyway, his name is Smooch and he would have liked to have stayed, but he wanted to get home to watch the tennis.

Who Gives A Shit: Rogue Balloon Animal Gangs?

Ok, this one is weird. Mostly because I manage to keep a pretty long and detailed list of all the annoying kiddie bullshit that goes on around here, but even I had never heard of this before. An anon FIPS reader wrote in to share her frustration with the rogue balloon gangs invading Prospect Park.

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