ATTN ALL MOMS WHO DON’T WANT THEIR KIDS TO BE VICTIMS OF CRAZY EYEBALL EXPERIMENTS

FIPS reader, Princess Pony Party Amazing, called our attention to this exclusive party invite:

Exceptional Eyecare. Incredible Eyewear. AND FREE “BABYSITTING”!!!

That’s right BREEDERS, cancel your nanny, cause the eye doctor has a new hobby (other than his self-proclaimed passion for working with Dry Eye Sufferers)...Taking care of your kiddies! What child doesn’t love going to the doctor? Park Slope Eye is turning their clinic into a mini movie theatre for your obnoxious children, in order to conduct cray cray eye science experiments on them, thank you for your patronage.

And what will you be doing during your off time? GETTING WASTED, LADIES!!!! On a Mini Mommy Vaca!!!
They have even provided you with the name of the closest happy hour, so if the kid by mistake performs Lasic eye surgery on someone, you can come reverse that shit pronto.

Ok, so there might be a chance that Park Slope Eye is secretly planning to dry your little one’s eyes out so that the doctor can get all passionate and whatev about fixing them. BFD. The more important issue is what four-year-old wants to sit all the way through Up? That movie had me crying within the first ten minutes.

Did anyone send their kid to this? Are their eyes all fucked now or did they come back normal? Is Park Slope Eye turning this hang sesh into a weekly event, because sign me up DUH.

Erica Reitman, Parenting Columnist?

I ran into the recently axed Smartmom, Louise Crawford in front of PS 321 the other day and we discussed her upcoming road trip to drop off her son at college in Chicago, me having weathered the very same ride just last week when my aunt passed away. Did you know, by the way, that Ohio (NOT NYC) is the bedbug capitol of the US of A? We did not discuss the demise of her Brooklyn Paper column or speak in the third person.

I like Louise. I even liked her edgy writers convention picks. But, I laughed out loud when I saw that the L Magazine (which, btw, i thought was a lesbianic publication), wrote an obituary to Smartmom's column, enshrining it as "the worst column in the history of local papers" and calling for our great FIPS vixen to take over.

Ha!

Only if she gets to write in the "royal we" and has to write actual, real life  parenting advice!

Personally, my vote goes to ME. Or, if not, that hilarious mom run amok, who I have already told Erica is surely her breeder soulmate.

Is Methodist's Labor & Delivery Unit Way More Fucked Up Than Other Hospitals'?

K, so remember when we talked about the fact that all the BK mamas are defecting to go birth their tiny terrors on the the Isle du Manhattan? You told us your Methodist horror stories here.

Not too long after, we got an anonymous email from a reader who calls herself "Rogue Nurse," an R.N. at Methodist in the Labor & Delivery Unit, about the c-section sitch happening there.  The tl;dr version of it is, in this nurse's opinion, that the entire operation is fucked (in Park Slope.  Yep.).  Clickity-click for the full dispatch:

Click to read more ...

BREAKING: Rite Aid Car Crash

Straight from Gogo Gowanus's cell phone comes a blurry pic that indicates that the Rite Aid on 5th Avenue and 10th is providing our nabe with a new, much needed parking spot: IN THEIR FRONT FUCKING WINDOW.

Oopsie.

UPDATE: Fips reader Sarah had a better pic and some scoop: A big crowd was there and the store was roped off with police tape. Lots of people taking photos, lots of police trying to get folks to steer clear of the accident site. Not sure yet what exactly happened, but the front left side of the car is smashed in so maybe some other car ran into it first and made the driver lose control?

Who Gives A Shit: Ghost Stroller?

photo: @aboutmattlawOk, so there are ghost bikes to commemorate the spots where unlucky bikers sadly lost their lives, and now there is a ghost stroller on the corner of Union and 6th ave to commemorate?? Uhm?

Anyone??

I'm guessing this is some smart assed hipster artist who found a stroller on the street, spraypainted it white and is now commenting on the "death of the neighborhood."

What's your theory?? Anyone have scoop??