THE FIPS GUIDE TO WHAT THE HELL YOU SHOULD BRING TO GOOGAMOOGA

Okay, jerks.  Googamooga is TOMORROW and you are probably moderately excited about it, since they’ve been sending us a barrage of daily emails that provide mediocre and confusing updates about who else will be on-hand for the festival. 

Here’s what it comes down to: it’s an all-weekend food fest punctuated with music performances.  If you’re going to be spending hours upon hours in the park, you’re going to want to bring a few creature comforts. 

Like every outdoor festival, Googamooga has a laundry list of shit you can’t bring with you (weapons, fireworks, lawn chairs, drugs).  Please note that you also can’t bring in any instruments of fun, like footballs, boomboxes, and frisbees.  Naturally, since they want you to pay for food and drink, you can’t bring coolers or any outside food. 

So what CAN you bring?  Lucky for you: we've put together a guide to what the hell you can bring with you to Googamooga, with items you can purchase right here in the neighborhood. 

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FIPS Valentine's Day Gift Guide

Oh fuck, it's almost Valentine's Day and you have no idea what you're supposed to get for the love of your life.  Newsflash: you're pathetic.  Don't you think you should know what to buy the person you spend all of your free time with?  This is the person who sees you naked and holds you when you cry when you're drunk like a little baby, for Christ's sake.  

FINE.  You're not alone.  None of us know what to get our significant others, either.  So, we've put together three choose-your-own adventure gift guides, featuring items you can pick up in the neighborhood (you know, on your way home from work on February 14).   

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FIPS HOLIDAY GIFT GUIDE DAY 10: DOG OBSESSIVES

Every day this week, Amanda, FIPS writer and creator the douchey gift blog You're Welcome will be providing you with gift suggestions that you can buy right here in Park Slope.  Today's edition is for the dog-obssessive in your life.

Consider, for a second, the pet owner.  People who own cats are fairly indifferent to them, only because the cats could, in turn, give a fuck less about them.  But dog owners?  Watch out.  Every dog owner is at least vaguely obsessed with their dog, but this particular breed of dog owner is batshit CRAZY obssessed.  She truly considers her dog her child, dressing him up in stupid outfits and planning elaborate birthday parties for him, generally acting like a psychopath.  All Dogs Go to Heaven and Homeward Bound are her favorite movies, and she's very quick to tell you that Barry Manilow's "Mandy" is about his dog. 

You've found yourself thinking, "If I have to hear one more thing about this goddamned dog, I'm gonna choke this bitch with her Extend-A-Leash," but try to reign it in.  Ain't nothing wrong with a little puppy love, right Donny Osmond?    

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FIPS HOLIDAY GIFT GUIDE DAY 9: CO-WORKERS

Every day for the next week, Amanda, FIPS writer and creator the douchey gift blog You're Welcome will be providing you with gift suggestions that you can buy right here in Park Slope.  Today's edition is for the co-worker you hate but have to pretend to like.

Douchey co-workers.  We all have them.  They’re constantly talking, and whether or not you’re actually listening (you’ve got your headphones on, dammit!), it doesn’t matter to them.  When they’re not guilting you into coming out after work for happy hour, they’re dragging you into the bathroom to tell you some benign bit of gossip that you don’t care about.  So what do you get for someone who you really just want to go away?  Office politics dictate that you have to get them something, so here’s some stuff that will get you off the hook and get them off your back (at least for five goddamned minutes).

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FIPS HOLIDAY GIFT GUIDE DAY 8: DRUNKS

Every day for the next week, Amanda, FIPS writer and creator the douchey gift blog You're Welcome, will be providing you with gift suggestions that you can buy right here in Park Slope.  Today's edition is for the drunks you can't wrestle off a barstool on a Friday night or a Monday afternoon.

You can't remember the last time you saw her sober.  In fact, you can't remember ANY time you saw her sober.  She is your drunk friend.  You can't bring her to a work event because she'll trip and fall right into the arms of your boss, or she'll sleep with that guy in the Finance Department.  BUT, she is GREAT on a particular kind of Saturday night.  The kind of Saturday night where the goal is to black out and wake up in your underwear on your kitchen floor.  Help keep your drunken partner in crime well-lubricated (that's what she said) this holiday season, when we're around our families and need all of the booze we can get. 

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