FIPS HOLIDAY GIFT GUIDE DAY 7: DESIGN GURUS

Every day this week, Amanda, FIPS writer and creator the douchey gift blog You're Welcome will be providing you with gift suggestions that you can buy right here in Park Slope.  Today's edition is for the impeccable Design Guru in your life.

While you’re still sitting on the old, stained futon you had in college, this friend buys a leather couch from Restoration Hardware.  Where you have a Billy Bookcase from Ikea, she has a handsome cherry wood credenza. In short, this friend has spent more money on throw pillows than you did on your entire living room set.  And while it may be daunting to try and pick something out for someone with such impeccable taste, if you think small, you might be able to get something she can appreciate and incorporate into her scheme.

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FIPS HOLIDAY GIFT GUIDE DAY 6: HIPPIES

Every day this week, Amanda, FIPS writer and creator the douchey gift blog You're Welcome will be providing you with gift suggestions that you can buy right here in Park Slope.  Today's edition is for the hemp-wearing, pot-smoking hippie in your life.

So you've got a hippie friend.  She stocks her fridge with soy milk and tofu, leaves socialist propaganda out on her coffee table, and lectures anyone who eats meat about the atrocities committed by the cattle industry. Of course, when she's drunk, all of this goes out the window and she orders a gigantic cheeseburger with bacon from the diner and then cries all day when she wakes up and realizes what she's done.  The best day of her life was the day they went to that Phish concert back before the band broke up and then got back together again.  Pick up these gifts and your tree hugger friend will spread the "good vibes" to you forever.

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FIPS HOLIDAY GIFT GUIDE DAY 5: DORKS

Every day for the next week, Amanda, FIPS writer and creator the douchey gift blog You're Welcome will be providing you with gift suggestions that you can buy right here in Park Slope.  Today's edition is for those lovable dorks that you can't get out of their Superman t-shirts.

It used to be that dorks were the lowest common denominator.  Steve Urkel had to event this elaborate machine to transform himself into the smooth-talking Stephan Urkelle, just so that snooty bitch Laura would give him a shot.  But something has shifted—mega-nerd Mark Zuckerberg is Time's Person of the Year.  Our hero worship of bazillionaire genius nerd Steve Jobs has gone off the charts (you paid more attention when he died than when your own grandmother did).  Tina Fey still pretends she's the dork she was in high school even though she's a rich, powerful, and HI-LARIOUS multiple Emmy-award winner.  Who run the world?  Dorks. 

That's why this particular Dork is still clinging to his Steve Urkel ways.  He hangs onto his comic books and is constantly glued to his computer, coding some super-secret future revolutionary program that he hopes will transform him into Stephan Urkelle (with the bank account of Mark Zuckerberg). 

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FIPS HOLIDAY GIFT GUIDE DAY 4: FOODIES

Every day for the next two weeks, Amanda, FIPS writer and creator the douchey gift blog You're Welcome will be providing you with gift suggestions that you can buy right here in Park Slope.  Today's edition is for those Food Network-loving, self-righteous menu item-ordering foodies.

You know the type.  While she whips up picture-perfect souffles and roasted Cornish game hens, you're standing slack-jawed in front of your stove, crumbling under the pressure of having to make a box of Velveeta Shells & Cheese.  Regardless of your jealousy, you never miss one of her dinner parties, and you can always depend on her for the best restaurant recommendations.  She's a foodie through and through, and lucky for her, you live in one of the best neighborhoods for foodie acoutrement shopping.  Let the gluttony begin!   

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FIPS HOLIDAY GIFT GUIDE DAY 3: BALLERS

Every day for the next two weeks, Amanda, FIPS writer and creator the douchey gift blog You're Welcome will be providing you with gift suggestions that you can buy right here in Park Slope.  Today's edition is for the Ballers who act like scary adult-children; spending their money on whatever they want, being responsible to no one.  What a bunch of jerks they are.  

This Baller has little to no responsibility to anyone but himself.  If he wants to stay out until 4AM drinking grain alcohol and walk home yelling the lyrics to Vanessa Williams' "Save the Best for Last," he can do it.  If he wants to spend money on stupid shit like iPads and Wiis and $400 t-shirts, he can do it. 

The life of a Baller is an awesome one—so awesome that it is 100% certain that haters gonna hate.  His boozy, fun-loving, spontaneous life might seem amazing to someone who is tied down by a nagging wife, whiny children, and a soul-crushing mortgage payment, but if that stupid switcheroo movie The Change-Up has taught us anything, it's that a meaningless life of drinks and vacations and beautiful women isn't all it's cracked up to be.  Just kidding, it's awesome.  Don't let that fucking lucky Baller bastard know how much you hate him.  Get him these gifts instead.    

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