Haagen-Dazs Free Cone Day From 4-8pm [GET FAT 4 FREE]

Sure, it'll probably be packed with screaming children, but FYI, Slopers: Ye Olde Häagen-Dazs on Seventh Ave at President Street is giving away free cones from 4-8pm. No, for once, I'm not lying.

Get your gluttony on, y'all. And I'll see you at the Prospect Park Y tonight to burn off that Vanilla Swiss Almond.

[SPONSORED] Spring Clean with MyClean

“It’s so hard to find good help these days,” someone without any real problems might say. 

But honestly, when it comes to finding someone to come in and clean your sad little apartment, shit is HARD.  The process is always a little weird and a lot sketchy—you often feel so grateful that the house cleaner shows up at all that you pretend not to notice how they didn’t bother to move the coffee table when they were sweeping, or actually clean the bathtub with soap and water.

Enter MyClean, a service that does two wonderful things: 1.) Ensures reliability and accountability on behalf of the people cleaning your home and 2.) allows you to book it all completely online so you don’t need to actually speak words out loud to anyone (always a personal goal of mine).

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YOU'RE WELCOME: HOW TO BECOME A GENTRIFICATION PIONEER

Picture it: your lease is up and you're suddenly priced out of Park Slope. 

You don't want to leave Brooklyn because it gives you street cred with the people you went to high school with.  They think you're tough and interesting for living in Brooklyn because they are the type of people who think that New York City consists of Times Square and Ellis Island. 

What are you going to do?

I'll tell you what you're going to do!

You're going to be come a Gentrification Pioneer!

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ROYAL WEDDING PARTY IN DUMBO

Maybe it was indicative of the times, maybe it was the unmonitored access to my mother's tabloid magazines, or maybe I was just a weird fucking little kid, but I was absolutely OBSESSED with the British Royal Family from the ages of 8-13.  Princess Diana died when I was 11 and OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDD: I think I single-handedly kept The National Enquirer in business as I insisted that my mother buy every brimming with Mohammed Al Fayed's murder conspiracy theories-filled issue. 

So when news of Prince William's upcoming wedding broke after about a 10-year lapse in juicy royal gossip (aside from Prince Harry's hi-larious Nazi costume), I was immediately sucked back in.

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Park Slope Baristas, Bartenders and Bikram Yogo Instructors: HOT OR NOT?

Our run-in last week with David, the Connecticut Stud Muffin-Man got us thinking: if there's a majorly hot dude working at CM, the're gotta be hot dudes and smokin' chicks working all over this goddamned neighborhood!

So, we decided to make a nude calendar!

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