ROYAL WEDDING PARTY IN DUMBO

Maybe it was indicative of the times, maybe it was the unmonitored access to my mother's tabloid magazines, or maybe I was just a weird fucking little kid, but I was absolutely OBSESSED with the British Royal Family from the ages of 8-13.  Princess Diana died when I was 11 and OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDD: I think I single-handedly kept The National Enquirer in business as I insisted that my mother buy every brimming with Mohammed Al Fayed's murder conspiracy theories-filled issue. 

So when news of Prince William's upcoming wedding broke after about a 10-year lapse in juicy royal gossip (aside from Prince Harry's hi-larious Nazi costume), I was immediately sucked back in. 

And let me tell you, it was pretty scary as an adult to recall intimate details about Prince William's life that I only know because I studied that family like a tiny baby British historian. If you held a gun to my head and asked me to recite all of Prince William's 400 middle names, I could do it.  And THAT, ladies and gentlemen, is what the scientific community likes to call "shades of autism."

SO: THE WEDDING. IT'S FRIDAY. WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?

There are tons of parties (ie: people getting drunk in pubs) going on on Friday, but your best bet is going to be the Royal Wedding Party in DUMBO. Big Apple Brits is pairing up with the DUMBO BID to host this extravaganza, which will air the wedding on a giant screen under the Manhattan bridge starting at 5:30AM.   

The ceremony will be replayed throughout the day, and the DUMBO Loft will be hosting an all-day open bar (yes, you heard me) for $60, where you can gulp down British ciders and the like until you're sitting in the bar, yelling/crying into your cell phone to your boyfriend about how YOU deserve to be treated like a Princess for once. 

If you can't skip work to watch an event that has no real political significance (I'm not wrong), you can still catch the festivities later that night—the party continues on with a full-scale wedding reception starting at 8pm (tickets are $40).  They've got live music, a cake, and custom cocktails.  No word as to whether your Aunt Donna will be on-hand to do an embarrassingly sexual version of the hokey pokey. 

Sorry, that's what my family weddings are like. 

It might surprise you to find I'm not royalty.