Obnoxious Asshole Needs A Roommate

Oh fuck, everyone, I need a roommate starting May 1.

When considering potential roommates, here are my options:

A.) Men—No, too messy.
B.) Gay Men—No, too dramatic.
C.) Women—Yes, but probably crazy.
D.) Gay Women—Maybe, but definitely crazy.
E.) Someone I know—Preferred.

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When's Lunch??

Yes, even your lunch has a website now.

Scanwiches.com smacks their sandwiches down on a scanner before devouring them, and damn do they look good.

You know what? Fuck that Lean Cuisine I have in my purse. I'm ordering in.

Where's your favorite place to get a killer sandwich in Park Slope?

An Open Letter to Pole-Leaning Douchebags On The Subway

(via Flatbush Vegan)

Dear asshole fuck on the subway,

I know that you think that because you're wearing a Brooks Brothers suit (ed note: we couldn't find a Brooks Brothers suit wearing ahole...sorry. This Asian one will have to do) with gold cuff links, douchey horn-rimmed glasses, Gucci loafers, and a watch that costs more than my parents' house that you own the place, but look around.

You are on the A train my friend–where all men are created equal.

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Sushi Smackdown: Shitake can’t hold a candle to JPAN

via Brownstoner

I love it when I get new takeout menus in the mail—the creepy, cryptic return addresses written in scary handwriting. I think, this is it—the mob has finally tracked me down and is sending me this letter to let me know that they’re going to kill me for my indiscretions (read: my big, fat mouth). My adrenaline kicks in as I rip open the envelope to see yet another take-out menu. Ah, safe for another day.

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Eff You, Moutarde

I’m always up for trying new restaurants in the neighborhood, so I was excited to go to Moutarde (239 5th Ave, on the corner of Carroll St.) on Valentine’s Day.

The long and short of it was that our food was mediocre and the service absolutely sucked. The fifteen-year-old waitress couldn’t tell us the specials because “they were still figuring them out” despite the fact that it was 6pm.

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