Sushi Smackdown: Shitake can’t hold a candle to JPAN

via Brownstoner

I love it when I get new takeout menus in the mail—the creepy, cryptic return addresses written in scary handwriting. I think, this is it—the mob has finally tracked me down and is sending me this letter to let me know that they’re going to kill me for my indiscretions (read: my big, fat mouth). My adrenaline kicks in as I rip open the envelope to see yet another take-out menu. Ah, safe for another day.

The most recent menu I’ve received is for Shitake (385 Flatbush Ave at Sterling Pl.), a new Japanese restaurant in the area. I think, great, because if there’s one thing Park Slope needs is another fucking Japanese restaurant, but I’ve been on a sushi kick lately (I hope I don’t get mercury poisoning like Jeremy Piven, though—wouldn’t want to miss a day of work that probably equals out to about $40,000), so I decided to give it a try.

Their menu is pretty extensive but still has the standard fare. I decided to order a few different rolls and get them delivered.

Here’s how the phone call went down:

Lady: HELLOSHITAKEHOWICANHELPYOUUUUUUUUUUUU? (What is this phenomenon with Asian restaurants placing their loudest, craziest person on phone duty? Make her dispense the sake or clean the bathrooms or something. Put Mr. Myiagi on the phone—he’s so zen that I might even order the more expensive Rainbow roll).
Me: Hi, can I place an order for delivery?

Everything is standard from here until I try to give her directions to my apartment.

Me: It’s the second apartment, but the third buzzer (the fuck if I know why that is)
Lady: BUH-ZAH? (she is clearly hearing this word for the first time)
Me: Yeah, you know, the buzzer (I am searching for synonyms for “buzzer” in order to ensure that one of my stupid neighbors doesn’t get my sushi that I had pre-paid for on a credit card.)
Lady: IDONTKNOWWHATYOUSAY.
Me: Um, it’s the third bell. You know, bell.
Lady: BELL?
Me: Yes, bell. (I am over this. I just wanted some goddamn sushi, not to play ESL teacher over here)
Lady: IAMNEWHERE. (Usually, when someone says “I am new here,” they mean that they are a new employee, but it’s clear to me that when my friend says “here” she means, you know, this country)
Me: Tell them to press the third button on the door.
Lady: OHHHHH BUTTON.

Great. Whatever. Despite the language barrier, I get my sushi relatively fast, and while it’s okay, it was pretty bland and doesn’t dazzle me like JPAN does.

Truth be told, I only broke away from JPAN for this little excursion because they tend to be a little on the expensive side and Shitake is much easier on the wallet. However, I’d rather go easier on my stomach and taste buds than my wallet...annnnd this is why I’m broke.

(ed note: JPAN rules our fucking faces. Both Benjamin AND Erica are devotees, so if you have never tried it, I implore you to order it now. ALSO, if you don't order the Volcano roll we will hunt you down and punch you in the face).

Comments

[Jeff]

1) You get takeout menus in the mail? I've never heard of this.

2) Go to Ten. I haven't personally had better sushi in the Slope.

[ann onymous]

Have you guys tried Mura? I think it's totally the way to go - much better sushi/sashimi, and if you ask if anything is particularly good today, they usually have a few unusual items - live scallop, uni, o-toro etc... I haven't had good experiences with j-pan at all.

[P1]

As the first comment said TEN is the best. I have been to bunch of the Sushi restaurants in the slope (not jpan so I have no comparison) but they (zagats, blah blah etc...) say that blue ribbon sushi is the best in BK and I find it over priced and not worth it. I tried a bunch of other places, but Ten is the best. The fish seems the freshest that I have had in the slope.

[anon]

oshima sushi (on 7th avenue at berkeley place) is AMAZING.

truly.

[hyperock]

Where can I find decent Uni in this neighborhood? Every other place I've tried have been horrible.