WHASSUP: The Latest Edition

So, Park Slope, have you been attending my special, hand-picked events? I sure have no way of knowing because very few of you have reached out with your experience. I'm not condemning you for being shy and I'm sure as hell not encouraging you to give me a ten page rundown.  I just want to hear your thoughts—good and I guess bad too.  After all, how else will I ever continue to throw this shit at you if I have no idea what you like.

Here's the deal: I tell you WHASSUP, you tell me WHASSUP.

Without further ado, here's WHASSUP:

Thursday, 5/29, Shipwreck and Word Present: The Great Gatsby, The Bell House: As if Hollywood baby-man, Leonardo Di Caprio, didn't ruin this movie enough—a merry group of misfits plans to take over The Bell House and further rape the literary masterpiece. How do you like that, "Old Sport?"  $10, 8pm

Friday, 5/30, Brooklyn Contra-Dance, Camp Friendship: What in the fuck is this? All I can ascertain from the ad is that it must be where communes and line dancing meet on the other side.  If you should go, please, please tell us about it. $15 general admission, $12 students. Beginner’s workshop 7:30pm, event 8pm-11pm

Saturday, 5/31, Comedy Battle Rap, Union Hall: When I think of comedy and rap my mind goes straight to my boy Weird Al's Amish paradise—you too? There's just something about funy rhymes...I love em'! $10, 7pm doors, 7:30pm show

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WHASSUP: Memorial Day Edition

If you haven't already called in sick for the rest of the week (cough...cough) and jetted off to a tropical paradise, I have some recommendations for you that are sure to put some pep in your staycation parade. Park Slope is full of many splendors and let me tell you, this week lacks no splendor. You'll be dancing, grooving, laughing, eating, and relaxing. What's better than that?

If you are on that pimped out G6, watching Finding Nemo on a drop-down, headed somewhere I've never of—I'll assume my invitation was lost in the mail.  No hard feelings.

So what is up, you ask? Here's WHASSUP:

Thursday, 5/22, Clean Eating Support Group, Whole Foods: If you haven’t been to the new Whole Foods then you must be the boy in the bubble. Every-fucking-body has been to the new Whole Foods. The parking—atrocious. The view—Gowanus Canal. The aisles—crowded beyond compare. The selection—glorious. $15, 7pm

Friday, 5/23, The 90’s Summer Jam Sing Along, Union Hall: Who's ready for summer? I can't hear you! Spring may be too legit to quit, but it’s almost sum, sum, summertime, so come on down and rock out with your cock out. Make sure your alarm is set—you may just be saved by the bell. Whew! That’s about 90’s as I can go without hating myself. Bye, bye, bye.   $10, 9:30

Saturday, 5/24, Smokey’s Secret Family, Barbés: This cat is rad. Ever heard of Congolese rumba? No, it’s neither that insipid “dance” class at NYSC, nor the vacuum that your yappy dog has been pleasuring since last summer. It’s wrapped in African and Cuban influence and served up hot. $10, 10pm

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WHASSUP: Try New Things Edition

 

What do you get when you combine two evenings in Gowanus, some old subway trains, a bunch of hippies, and body science? An awesome fucking week of merriment, that’s what. I have curated perhaps the best, most obscure collection of local shit to do. You’re gonna want to thank me now.

So WHASSUP? Ch-ch-check it out:

Thursday, 5/15, Current: Gowanus, Gowanus Loft: Free is my favorite flavor, so I pride myself in bringing you lovelies quality free offerings. Local art for view and sale, painted with mud from the banks of the Gowanus. “Is he joking?” You’ll just have to find out for yourself. Free, 12pm-8pm

Friday, 5/16, Bosley, Union Hall: My criteria for handpicking events is dependent on a number of different factors. This particular offering reminded me of that shittastic infrared hair comb. Oh yeah, and the music sounds like a blast. $10, Doors 8pm, Show 8:30pm

Saturday, 5/17, Tongue in Trees, Barbés: This is some fantastic, hippy shit. I’m talking a serious, wavy gravy, tie-dyed, tree tonguing, flower fest. Grow out your hair and don your dashiki.  $10, 8pm

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WHASSUP: Almost Mother's Day Edition

This is an important week, FIPSters. It's that time of year when we honor moms everywhere. They come in many shapes, sizes, and ages, but one thing remains in common—they birthed you, you ingrates. 
Your mission this week is to take dear old mom out on the town. She deserves it. I mean, shit, she changed your nasty-ass diapers.  

So WHASSUP?  Your mom is WHASSUP:

Thursday, 5/8, Beat Society Featuring Pharoahe Monch, Littlefield: Time to drop a beat and shake that badunkadunk. These dudes are going to be mixin’ it up all night long. $15-$20, 8pm

Friday, 5/9-Saturday 5/10, Brooklyn Power Pop Festival, The Bell House: This jaw-dropping lineup will have you power popping a big old boner. What’s better than one night—two nights, definitely two nights.  $35 (2 night pass)

Saturday, 5/10, House Party: East Coast vs. West Coast, Union Hall: I often find myself pondering, “Biggie or Tupac…Biggie or Tupac.” Hopefully this evening will finally set me straight. FREE, 11:30pm

Sunday, 5/11, Prospect Heights Community Farm Annual Plant Sale, 252-256 St Marks Ave.: Get out, buy a nice fucking plant, and take your mom to dinner. That’s it.  Sunday done! 10am-6pm

Monday, 5/12, Brain Cloud, Barbés: I mos def can identify with a cloudy brain at times. Why not kick back and listen to western swing—an amalgamation of all American music style that came before it. $10, 7pm

Tuesday, 5/13, A Night at the Movies, Pavillion Theatre: Take someone out on a date, anyone. Spring for some popcorn, but not too large because you really want to engineer your two buttery hands coincidentally meeting among the maize. ANY TIME.

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WHASSUP: Rando Edition

What the fuck is with this weather? Where is Spring? Last week I had the flu. This week I'm drenched. I'm not having it, NYC. My only defense is this lineup of choice offerings designed to take your minds off the miserably cold deluge that's visiting.

This week I've curated some real winners for you to take in and enjoy. Your assignment, if you choose to accept it, is to go to at least one of these Godforsaken events and tell me about it. Leave a comment, send us an email, use the pony fucking express. I don't care.

So, WHASSUP? Damn, you're pushy:

Thursday, 5/1, RENT, The Gallery Players: RENT was the angst-driven, alternative anthem of the late 90’s. If you didn’t have the pleasure of seeing its Broadway turn, or the movie (and I use that term loosely) be sure to check out the Gallery Players. This hidden gem on 14^th has has hosted some serious talent—including yours truly. I'll be reviewing this show in case you need my brilliant rundown before you commit. Adults $18, Seniors/Children $14, 8pm

Friday, 5/2, The Cat’s Meow: A Cheetah Print Prom Party Fundraiser: I choose not to remember prom—the paisley cummerbunds, awkward photos, my untimely butt cut. Perhaps the cheetah print madness will shine new light on the obligatory dance of yesteryear. $5-$20, 8:30pm doors, 9pm show

Saturday, 5/3- The Amazing Brooklyn Scavenger Hunt, Fort Greene: I fucking love Fort Greene.  Everytime I’m there I make a new discovery, take in a boozy brunch, or visit the Nets. Combine that magic with a scavenger hunt and you’ve stumbled on perfection. $30, 12:30pm-3:30pm

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