WHASSUP: Memorial Day Edition

If you haven't already called in sick for the rest of the week (cough...cough) and jetted off to a tropical paradise, I have some recommendations for you that are sure to put some pep in your staycation parade. Park Slope is full of many splendors and let me tell you, this week lacks no splendor. You'll be dancing, grooving, laughing, eating, and relaxing. What's better than that?

If you are on that pimped out G6, watching Finding Nemo on a drop-down, headed somewhere I've never of—I'll assume my invitation was lost in the mail.  No hard feelings.

So what is up, you ask? Here's WHASSUP:

Thursday, 5/22, Clean Eating Support Group, Whole Foods: If you haven’t been to the new Whole Foods then you must be the boy in the bubble. Every-fucking-body has been to the new Whole Foods. The parking—atrocious. The view—Gowanus Canal. The aisles—crowded beyond compare. The selection—glorious. $15, 7pm

Friday, 5/23, The 90’s Summer Jam Sing Along, Union Hall: Who's ready for summer? I can't hear you! Spring may be too legit to quit, but it’s almost sum, sum, summertime, so come on down and rock out with your cock out. Make sure your alarm is set—you may just be saved by the bell. Whew! That’s about 90’s as I can go without hating myself. Bye, bye, bye.   $10, 9:30

Saturday, 5/24, Smokey’s Secret Family, Barbés: This cat is rad. Ever heard of Congolese rumba? No, it’s neither that insipid “dance” class at NYSC, nor the vacuum that your yappy dog has been pleasuring since last summer. It’s wrapped in African and Cuban influence and served up hot. $10, 10pm  

Sunday, 5/25, Wasabassco’s Super! Heroes vs. Villains, The Bell House: Nerds, rejoice! Not only will you have your superhero fill, but they’ll shed their masked identities and show you their butts—for real. $20, 7:30pm doors, 8pm shows.

Monday, 5/26, Get the fuck out of Dodge, Anywhere but here!: Happy Memorial Day— day of bbqs, picnics, and general off-work merriment. This is your chance to break out of our tiny biosphere and explore. Check out the Hudson River Valley, tube the Delaware Water Gap, hit up Rye Playland—the opportunities are limitless!

Tuesday, 5/27, Tiny Rhino, Littlefield: 10 minute play festival/drinking game? Yes, I’ll have some of that. Apparently there are five main themes and each time they come around it’ll be bottoms up for you. $10, 7:30pm doors, 8pm show

Wednesday, 5/28, Wednesday Corps, Prospect Park: Help out a good cause, you lazy asses. You all love the park. It’s the most grass you’ve seen since your childhood in the Midwest. Your little shits destroy the grounds with their winter sledding, your dogs defecate on the flora and also the fauna, and you once missed the garbage can with your empty Starbucks and kept on walking. Time to give back. Volunteer, 10am-1pm