WHASSUP: Rando Edition

What the fuck is with this weather? Where is Spring? Last week I had the flu. This week I'm drenched. I'm not having it, NYC. My only defense is this lineup of choice offerings designed to take your minds off the miserably cold deluge that's visiting.

This week I've curated some real winners for you to take in and enjoy. Your assignment, if you choose to accept it, is to go to at least one of these Godforsaken events and tell me about it. Leave a comment, send us an email, use the pony fucking express. I don't care.

So, WHASSUP? Damn, you're pushy:

Thursday, 5/1, RENT, The Gallery Players: RENT was the angst-driven, alternative anthem of the late 90’s. If you didn’t have the pleasure of seeing its Broadway turn, or the movie (and I use that term loosely) be sure to check out the Gallery Players. This hidden gem on 14^th has has hosted some serious talent—including yours truly. I'll be reviewing this show in case you need my brilliant rundown before you commit. Adults $18, Seniors/Children $14, 8pm

Friday, 5/2, The Cat’s Meow: A Cheetah Print Prom Party Fundraiser: I choose not to remember prom—the paisley cummerbunds, awkward photos, my untimely butt cut. Perhaps the cheetah print madness will shine new light on the obligatory dance of yesteryear. $5-$20, 8:30pm doors, 9pm show

Saturday, 5/3- The Amazing Brooklyn Scavenger Hunt, Fort Greene: I fucking love Fort Greene.  Everytime I’m there I make a new discovery, take in a boozy brunch, or visit the Nets. Combine that magic with a scavenger hunt and you’ve stumbled on perfection. $30, 12:30pm-3:30pm

Saturday, 5/3, MCA Day: Celebrating the life of Adam Yauch, Littlefield: Brooklyn, Bronx, Queens, and Staten, from the Battery to…Littlefield. Come celebrate one of the greats. ‘Nough said!  FREE, 11am

Saturday, 5/3, The 140^th Kentucky Derby, Union Hall: I don’t subscribe to those zany hats, but damn if I don’t love those fucking ponies. I’m not quite baller enough to wager more than pennies, but that doesn’t stop me from choosing a horse I’ve never heard of—based on ridiculous name alone—and screaming at the TV while standing on my couch. Tally ho! FREE, 1pm

Sunday, 5/4, When In Robe Spa Party, Body By Brooklyn, 275 Park Ave, Brooklyn: You’re turning an upscale spa into a club and I can still get a massage?  Hello, heaven. $25, 10pm

Monday, 5/5, Chica Libre, Barbes: This is my random Monday offering. No, Chica Libre is not a Mexican wrestler—that I know of. You can, however, expect some serious latin beats, good drinks, and a French tinge that’ll have you reaching for your beret and a croissant.  $10, 9:30pm

Tuesday, 5/6, The Fancy Show, Bar Reis: This new weekly comedy show in the basement of Bar Reis promises to be a real hootenanny. Seating is first come, first serve so don’t dilly dally. FREE, 8pm

Wednesday, 5/7, Simply Unemployable Love, Union Hall: I chose this event based solely on the title because I feel that it really speaks to my plight in life. Maybe it’ll be funny. $5, 7:30pm doors, 8pm show