BREAKING: METHODIST HOSPITAL – ADDERALL DRUG RING??

FIPS has done its share of investigative reporting when it comes to the clusterfuck that is the Methodist Hospital, and then again here we discovered that Methodist WILL give you a c-section whether you want it or not!

Until now we thought the only good news about Methodist was that they have hawt ER doctors, but NOW THIS: Methodist is the place to go to get all the good shit (like Adderall... this IS Park Slope after all, ppl.)

Some bitch (Pauline Wiltshire – anyone knows her?) who lives in the nabe had a whole operation set up that involves residents and workers at the Methodist Hospital. This went down for the last 1.5 years: she got a shit-ton of prescripsh Adderall, placed ads on Craigslist (like this one – you're welcome), accepted payments via PayPal, and mailed the amphetamines via the USPS. I sure hope she played it safe and sent the shit via certified registered mail with a tracking number and a delivery confirmation signature.

Apparently she's a student at Windsor University School of Medicine in the West Indies (the fuck?), and she wasn't coming to kick it back in the BK until Christmas. Staying consistent with her good business practices, when undercover Drug Enforcement Administration agents e-mailed her for some Addy, she made sure she could satisfy the demand. So she had her sister Sarah (who works at a law firm!) send the pills from Tennessee. Stellar customer service, if you ask me.

I can't find Pauline's mug shot unfortch (she's under house arrest on a 50K bail), and Sarah hasn't been charged (yet?), but this pic of the sisters on The Smoking Gun is almost as good.

So, again, does anyone know her?? I want her Methodist contacts...

I Came, I Saw, I Ate Pork: Bacon Takedown

Before you get all worried about how I'm gonna survive this attack of the bacon, let me assure you that I already have set appointments this week with my dietitian, my nutritionist, my naturopath, my personal trainer, and my cardiologist has a defibrillator on standby in case shit goes south. Now some basic stats about the Bacon Take-Down that went down this Sunday at The Bell House:

• there were 21 varieties of bacon dishes
• total amount of bacon consumed: 300 lbs

It basically went down like this: you eat a shit-ton of bacon:

Gabi Porter for MetromixJust when you think it's over, THINK AGAIN. There's more bacon.

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FIPS CARES: Dogz Up For Adoption

That's right, sometimes we care, and we're not ashamed to admit it. I came across TWO great puppies from two separate families who have to give their pooches up because of change in their living situations. Just so happens they both have a little Lab in them!

The brown hairball of cuteness is Knut. He is a 4 year old Lab/Pit mix. He's a real sweetheart, who loves other dogs and kids, but ain't so hot on cats. Knut has been living on a farm for the last few years; his fam just relocated to Brooklyn and now they have to give him up... So they're looking to find a new loving home for Knut. If you know anyone who can help, e-mail Michael at michaeldolannyc-at-gmail-dot-com.

Now, if none of you bitchz has ever known the singular joy of owning an older dog, you have been MISSING OUT. Meet Luca, a sweet 8-year-old Lab mix who lives with a family on Roosevelt Island. In his aged wisdom, Luca is great with kids, people and dogs. He is neutered, microchipped and up to date on all vaccines. Obvs it's very hard for the family to let Luca go (I mean, dude's MICROCHIPPED, ppl!), but their child has severe allergies. I have a spesh place in my heart for the older dogs, since I know how grateful they are for a place to just chill out and be loved (but mostly chill out!) If interested or have any questions and would like to meet Luca, you should email at Susan at sarcelay-at-verizon-dot-net

Let's do something to help these pooches! Why should you give a shit? Cuz we may be helping your ass next.

FIPS CARES: Clothing Repairs & Alterations?

I believe it was the wise Black Eyed Peas who once said (and I quote): "They say they love my ass in / Seven Jeans, True religion..." Couldn't have said it better myself.

Anyway, remember that recesh that sent our economy flying into a giant pile of shit? Well, some of us mofos are still waiting to get over that, except the problem is -- our gentrified jeans ain't waiting. I'll spare you the details (FINE, my thighs are currently a leeetle too close together -- it's a genetic defect), bottom line: I need someone who can do a decent job fixing my hot pants, preferably without charging up the ass for it.

Thoughts? Suggestions? As always, if you're afraid of the Slope tailor mafia, feel free to go stealth anon.

 [ed. note: OH SNAP! I got another tip that Janine is an absolute miracle worker. You can reach her at sewjanine@gmail.com].

GORILLA COFFEE: COMING BACK BIGGER AND STRONGER?? [COFFEE WARS]

There was some action at Gorilla this morning, and, of course, FIPS conducted an inFIPStigation to bring you the latest in coffee wars. Here is the moment you have been waiting for since Saturday morning, people: GORILLA COFFEE IS REOPENING IN A WEEK!

They're renovating now, or as @evanchooly put it: "probably had to scrub the scorn and derision off the walls..."

Ouch?

So, inquiring minds want to know: In case you still give a shit, are you going to go back?