BREAKING: GORILLA COFFEE IS C-L-O-S-E-D!?

I'm going apeshit here.

We got intel from the dudes at Sprudge that Gorilla Coffee had every employee walk out last night on their oppressive hipster-in-chief. Baristas, roasters -- everyone!

I went on a down-n-dirty inFIPStigation this morning, and it's true: Gorilla is indeed closed. I guess indefinitely (???), since there's not a note or anything on the door...

SON OF A BITCH??

Did Gorilla operate a sweatshop in the basement and exploit little Park Slope children, paying them well below international minimum wage? Did the the owner threaten to remove the leather-bound copy of the Communist Manifesto from the window display? No one has spilled the beans on exactly what has happened yet thoug this was a telling comment from Sprudge:

100% true. Everyone gave written resignation and walked out after the tyrants refused to comply with basic respect. How long this will last and whether or not an agreement will be reached is still yet to be answered. But the baristas (former rather) of Gorilla Coffee deserve much props for their guts. Norma Rays of coffee!

And so I'm left sad...confused...and wondering while sipping on my April 7th roast with the cupping notes of raisin, almost, blood orange, and chocolate.

So, you tell us! Is this IT for Gorilla?? Anyone got the 411?

(p.s. If any of the disgruntled Gorilla employees wanna get in touch with FIPS and share their side of the story, email us! effedinparkslope at gmail dot com).

More:

• Gawker
• NYT Diner's Journal Blog
• Sprudge
• Shot Zombies
• Brooklynian
• Gothamist

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Yeah, dissent may rule round here, but also there are a few truths that us BALLERS hold to be pretty fucking self-evident. Here's one: kids ruin sex lives, and dogs get you laid.

Anyway, we already established why kids are more annoying than dogs, so no need to repeat it.

But here's what the fuck I'm all fired up about:

While some BALLER Jew friends of mine were busy with Rosh Hashanah and dealing with their BREEDER families this weekend, I took their totally fucking adorable dog and decided to utilize this amazing weekend weather for the precise purpose that God gave it to us: to chill outside with the dog and pound back a couple beers.

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