Cool Or Not Cool: Inked Up Tokidoki Barbie?

I don’t know about you fools, but I know what’s on my Christmakkuh list this year: Mattel’s new limited edition Tokidoki Barbie! She’s like a combination of Katy Perry (in her pink hair phase, natch!) plus that girl from TLC who’s dating Jesse James, with just a splash of Ed Hardy for good measure.

Apparently, parental units the world over are in a tizzy about how this new Barbie might scar their children. One PO'd mom told ABC, "I think it is disgusting. I personally think tattoos are trashy." God knows tattoos and hair dye are a precursor to meth-addiction. The worst part? Barbie’s dog is named Bastardino. HOLY FUCK NO.

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Cool Or Not Cool: The New Religious Children’s Book Section At Barnes & Noble?

Photo of another B&N via allbeggars.blogspot.com

I don’t know about you nerds, but I am all about my kid become a God-fearing Christian. And by that, I mean I hope he fears Christians.

But now, thanks to the geniuses over at the 7th Avenue Barnes & Noble, we have to worry about our children going all evangelical on us. And you know what that means: Republicanism is just around the corner.

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Perverted House Husband Trolls The Park Slope Subz!

Reasons To Fear The Subway:

1. Bed Bugs
2. Death by rat king
3. Being masturbated on
4. Accidentally sitting in a pee-filled seat (totally happened to me)
5. Lecherous pervs snapping pics of your cleave.

That’s right single ladies, there’s a depressed Park Slope hubby wandering around the subway with a wedding ring, and he wants to get off on your boobs. Check out this alert from Urban Baby:

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Return Of The Blob! Giant Mushroom Tries To Kill Us All!

Photograph by Andy Newman/The New York Times

Hide yo’ kids, hide yo’ wife, hide yo’ Bugga-boo too, ‘cause the mushroom of Lincoln Place is going to make you vomit in your mouth (Remember that song from last summer, you guys?) 

Park Slope has it’s very own Reishi Fungus, a giant mushroom that looks like an ookie cookie gone wrong, next to the playground on Lincoln Place. And caution –– don’t stop to pick up any loose change you might see, because NYT photogs put a shit ton of quarters all over the place for size reference.

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Learn How To Touch Your Baby (Not Like That)

Do you ever look over at your baby, and it’s peering up at you all, "Can't you bitchez see I'm in major need of a massage?" Well, now you can finally learn how to stroke your baby’s body without getting arrested!

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