Cool Or Not Cool: The New Religious Children’s Book Section At Barnes & Noble?

Photo of another B&N via allbeggars.blogspot.com

I don’t know about you nerds, but I am all about my kid become a God-fearing Christian. And by that, I mean I hope he fears Christians.

But now, thanks to the geniuses over at the 7th Avenue Barnes & Noble, we have to worry about our children going all evangelical on us. And you know what that means: Republicanism is just around the corner.

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Yo, Jews: High Holy Days Guide For The Synagogue-Less

You know how it kind of costs like a bazillion dollars to be Jewish? Yeah, well it does.

First of all: there are eight nights of Chanukkah, meaning you need to get at least eight presents for everyone; second of all: if you want to celebrate the Jewish holidays (at least the big ones) you have to be a member of a synagogue, which costs thousands of dollars, and then you have to have tickets, which costs hundreds of dollars. Third of all: all Jews like to stay in nice hotels, so that gets expensive. I'm not sure why, but it's just a fact.

Anyway, the High Holy Days kick of this week with Rosh Hashanah, so we put together a handy guide for those of you chosen peeps who want to celebrate the Jewish new year but don't have any place to go. Happy 5772, y'all!

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GOODBYE WORLD: Get A Jump On Your Weekend Rapture Schedule

Here at FIPS we've obviously been a little obsessed with this rapture bullshit and it's hard not to be with these mofos walking around the hood with signs on their shoulders. On Monday afternoon my crusty friend Dot called me and said she saw 3 trucks on 3rd Ave heralding the end of the world...and then, of course, she instantly wondered what that would mean for property values in the North Slope.

Needless to say my interest was piqued. Since I'm the kinda guy who needs the deets I did a little sniffing around to see exactly what the schedule looked like for this rapture jobbie. And it's jam packed!

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Who Gives A Shit: What's Your Religion?

I don't really get religion.

My father's idea of celebrating his lapsed Jewish faith was to light a candelabra (we didn't have a menorah) and play the Fiddler on the Roof album with accompanying ukulele. My mom said she thought that if God was anywhere he was in nature, not in some judgy, smoky Catholic church of her youth. I used to sing in a cool Episcopal choir that once did a great production of Joseph and The Technicolor Dreamcoat. That's it for my religious education.

Much of the stuff people say and do in the name of their various religions seems more like mental illness to me than faith, truth to tell.  The whole thing seems implausible to my cynical brain. And I find zealots to be a tiresome lot.

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BOD 4 GOD

Look sharp: This is the greatest thing Christianity has done since (TO-DO: Think of good thing Christianity has done.)

According to care2.com, the Journey Church (a "modern evangelical" church with a big fat location here Park Slope) is telling its members to lose some weight or go to hell.  

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