MISS TRANSIT AUTHORITY: A GUIDE TO ST. PATRICK'S DAY

This St. Patrick's Day, in the hopes of preserving a proud and storied tradition of throwing up on East 88th street, I offer you a brief, useful formula for avoiding needless (and of COURSE) undeserved hassle
if you feel like getting shitfaced anywhere but inside (since your uncle's somebody's mistress was Irish. Or Brazilian. Or, whatever).

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Subway D-Bag OR Not? Exhibit #2: Old Man Hubbard

Ok, fine.

Everyone had a shit ton of opinions on whether or not its acceptable to leave an old woman OR an old man standing in the subway, while the youngins luxuriate in a seat nearby.

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The Q Train Sucks So Hard, People Are *Literally* Shitting On It Now

Apparent-ly...

"I've noticed this several times in the last couple of months, including yesterday and today - there has been a pile of excrement on the (closed off) steps towards the end of the train on Manhattan bound side of 7th Ave. B/Q station. I feel for the person who has to do this, and I feel for the person who has to clean this up, but I also feel for the subway riders who have to encounter this smell and sight on an increasingly regular basis."

What do you think, bitches?:Rogue shitter or someone taking a stand against the evil MTA?

(via Brooklynian)

Suck It Chet

If I see one more Real World: Brooklyn cast member wearing a Brooklyn t-shirt, sweatshirt, or zip-up hoodie, I am going to lose my shit.

Example? Chet (my arch-nemesis), wearing that F train subway t-shirt in last week’s episode (even though he and the cast members drive everywhere in a brand-new SUV)? Can we say P-O-S-E-U-R?

Hey, MTV: if you want to show a bunch of self-absorbed dicks what it’s really like to live in Brooklyn, they should be required to take the subway during rush hour, pressed up against someone who hasn’t showered in weeks while the conductor (aka: Queen Latifah) screams about a signal malfunction and implores you to be patient, even though you’ve already been holding your breath for 40 seconds to avoid breathing in the stankonia coming from your new boyfriend, Mr. NoSoap.

Then, and ONLY then, can you wear an F train t-shirt. You can wear it with pride, as it highlights the war wounds and battle scars you’ve gotten just trying to make it the fuck home every day.

(ed note: YEAH!  What she said! Also, Chet: I don't give a fuck what you say...you ARE gay (see pic above)).

MISS TRANSIT AUTHORITY: Homo, Euro or Auto(Cad): A Study in Generalizations

I like looking at men on the subway.

So do you. Even you straight guys. Please.

And though this city is the epicenter of hot dick, there's great potential for embarrassment, rejection, or plain misinterpretation based on appearance. As I'm especially drawn to assertive style and atypical facial hair, I occasionally cannot distinguish between whether or not a gentleman is European, an architect, or gay, and thus if he's making eyes at my tits, my shoes, or my brother. Though I try to avoid all three prototypes for my own metro romance, I feel it necessary to share this primer to help riders know whom to solicit directions of, whether going to Marquis, Pieces, or that Zaha Hadid thing in the park. Thank me later.

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