MISS TRANSIT AUTHORITY: A GUIDE TO ST. PATRICK'S DAY
Nadine | Tuesday, March 17, 2009 at 12:05AM 
This St. Patrick's Day, in the hopes of preserving a proud and storied tradition of throwing up on East 88th street, I offer you a brief, useful formula for avoiding needless (and of COURSE) undeserved hassle
if you feel like getting shitfaced anywhere but inside (since your uncle's somebody's mistress was Irish. Or Brazilian. Or, whatever).
The etiquette of public drinking should always entail the instantly legalizing properties of a paper bag. If the energy and finances expended on enforcing / reforming Rockefeller Laws was redistributed
to a trip to C-Town for a 10 pack of brown bags, we'd have less crowded prisons and much more fun on the Q train.
Embodied in this picture is the unspoken understanding that, once slid into a sack, any 'illegal' (ugh, I know, I know, I'm a fascist mule just for TYPING it and I deserve to have my Wii and copy of Das Kapital REVOKED) substance steps outside New York's legislative domain. Really, try it:
-Take one (1) paper bag
-Open it
-Insert 40 oz. beer/child pornography/meth lab equipment/ Tyler Perrys 'Madea Goes to Jail' (cause that shit is so funny it really SHOULD be illegal)
And you can be sure the only thing you'll get a ticket for is feet upon the seat. Or being Muslim. Whatever.
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Reader Comments (1)
25 years ago I used to work in Penn Station. 9PM on St Patrick's day you could not walk across the Station without steppin in puke or on a passed out teenager.
Ah, the Dinkins Administration