MTA To Install Security Cameras On Trains!

Wait, sorry: not trainS, I mean T-R-A-I-N. They're installing a security camera on one train.

OH! And also, they're not going to watch the footage in real-time...its just going to be downloaded somewhere.

See, its all part of a pilot program to test this idea on other trains. Only they can't even come close to actually being able to afford this pilot program.

In fact, they can't even afford the FEW FUCKING CAMERAS being used on this one lil mystery train (uhm, they can't tell you WHICH train it will be on bitches, cause otherwise all the subway performers will ONLY be on that train)--someone donated them.

The cool thing is, if someone tries to sue them later for some bullshit slip-n-fall, they *might* be able to go back and look at the footage and not have to pay the mofo a bazillion dollars. So that's kinda nice for the MTA. But if someone is getting raped, or maimed, or murdered on the train late at night, they'll still totally get raped, or maimed, or murdered cause no one is watching the footage in real-time. Cool, right?

Your money at work.

Oh well, its nice to see the cash from the subway fare increases going toward smart programs like these.

(When the fuck does that British dude who's taking over get here?? Sheesh).

(via NY Times)

If You Hate The MTA With Ever Fiber of Your Being, Raise Your Hand...

So, wait?! Does my unlimited monthly Metro card NOT work today because of this stupid fare increase?? You know, the one that took effect as of y-e-s-t-e-r-d-a-y upping fares to $2.25?

Just for funzies, I'd like to say: FUUUUUUCKKKKK YOOOOOOOU, MTA! If ever there was a prime, motherfucking example of getting something for nothing, it's what you bizzatches keep doing with your rate increases. You get more of our money, and we get more of your bullshit.

Only in NY...

(via the Daily News)

UPDATE: my monthly unlimited card, which is set to expire June 30th DID actually work today despite the rate increase. You MTA bitches are LUCKY.

Q: How Much Does It Cost To Get Your Name on the Atlantic/Pacific Subway Hub? A: $4 Millies

Yep, it's true. U.K. bank Barclays is ponying up the cash to the MTA in order to get their name splashed all over that motherfucking station.

Sounds like a great deal to me!

Let's see:

* worst Target in the U.S? Check!

* worst Pathmark in the U.S.? Check!

* dirty/disgusting subway station? Check!

* angriest AND most incompetent employees at any retail establishment A-N-Y-W-H-E-R-E? Yeppers!

Congrats, Barclays--You should be bankrupt in no time!

(via Daily Intel)

If You See This Dude, Ask Him To Marry You

I am so not kidding people.  FOR REALZ.

I saw this guy on the Brooklyn bound Q train last night at around 7:30pm. Here's what went down: dude was sitting pretty in his very own, lap of luxury seat (let me remind you all: seats on the Q train are about as plentiful as no skills required six figure income jobs right now). I was minding my own bizness, leaning back against the door, when I look over and see this guy get up for a woman and give her his seat!?

Like for no fucking reason! Just some woman!

Keep in mind, this woman was not:

*old

*handicapped

*pregnant

*OR hot

She was just some chick...and this guy gave up his seat for her!!

Fuck Cinderalla, y'all...I'd like to officially introduce you to the last Prince Charming standing in all of NYC.

Great Balls of Fire

Yesterday, my subway car caught fire.

Okay, maybe I'm being dramatic.

I don’t know if the car was on fire, or if the track was on fire, or if some homeless man was on fire on the platform. What I DO know is that there was a fire somewhere near me.

I’m not prone to panicking, but when riding on the subway, I have very little confidence that my conductor (who can barely put together a coherent sentence) will be in control of the situation (ie: the GIGANTIC BLAZING FIRE).

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