WHO GIVES A SHIT: Park Slope Sex Survey

I have a question: why is NYC SO god damned slutty?

Since I've moved to Brooklyn from the Boondocks of Mars, Pennsylvania I have been baffled by the massive amounts of strange ass this city seems to partake in on a nightly basis.

I feel like NYC is the geographical equivalent of some 12-year-old boy who discovers jerking off for the first time. The difference being, 'grown' New Yorker's aren't confined to hiding under their sheets or in the bathroom. As a matter of fact, it seems most NYC dudes have been with Jen, Brenda, Laura, Aubrey, Felicia, Bridget, Gertrude, Becky, Sabrina, Amber (insert some weird Brooklyn name) etc. They've been with so many chicks that they often can't remember names, or even the number of women they've been with.

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Babeland vs. Park Slope BREEDERS

While it kills me that we can't track down the actual poster that FIPS reader Slope Rock Chick is referring to (the pic to the left is just something I google image searched), this is still a pretty fab tale:

Recently, during these icy winter months the folks at Babeland seem to have gotten the bright idea to try to warm things up ‘round Park Slope by plastering every construction fence in the 4th/5th Ave area with a wall of giant advertising posters featuring a tattooed, probably-naked-but-still-suitable-for-MTV/CW, couple ready for a roll in the hay. Suggestive, but not terribly offensive--even by my blush-at-the newsstand sensibilities.

Anyway, it seems that in Baby Slope, some mommies and daddies don’t want their little whatevers asking any birds’n’bees-type questions, so the posters were immediately torn down.

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THE BEST FIRST DATE BARS IN PARK SLOPE

I've been going on awkward internet first dates for years in this neighborhood, so if there's one thing I know, it's that finding the perfect first date spot is harder than you might think.

So when I saw this e-mail in my inbox this morning, I cheered that I wasn't the only one searchin'. Take a look (names have been changed to protect the innocent):

From: Emily Valentine 
Sent: Monday, February 14, 2011 8:17 AM
To: NineDaves
Subject: quick advice: good bar?

Hey! I have a first date with a lawyer from South Dakota (well, he lives here now) tomorrow night. He lives in the East Village, but offered to come to Brooklyn to “try something new.” Where should I suggest? I go to the same 3 bars over and over, as you know.

There's a lot of requirements for the perfect first date bar: you want a place that's interesting, inexpensive, and intimate. It has to be quiet but not too quiet; casual but not dingey. There can't be a lot of other singles there (lest he/she find someone cuter), but you also don't want to be in couples kingdom. It's always nice to leave the door open for an upgrade to dinner if the date is going well, so staying close to a few good restaurants is key. You also need an escape route if things start sucking, so being within walking distance of a subway is also clutch. Add all this into the typical first date jitters mix ("Please god, let him look something like his picture!"), and the pressure to find a good spot can become totally overwhelming. 

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Brooklynites Are Hella Kinky

image via OKCupidAnd the deeper you go into Brooklyn, the kinkier they get.

So says this sex heat map from OKCupid.

"Among Kings County’s happy horndogs, Bushwick shines forth as an examplar of both maximum interest in sex and minimum discernment in message response. Rudder’s explanation for Bushwick’s rise to the top? “Viva la loft parties!”

NICE WORK, BUSHWICK DUDEZ! (IN YO FACE, PARK SLOPE LOOZERS!)

(via NY Mag)

V-Day Special Report: Let's Stay Together

Ok, so OBVIOUSLY Valentine's Day wins the award for stupidest holiday on record.

After all the lame red-rose flower deliveries at work, Russel Stover variety packs at at Duane Reade, and grown fucking men on the subway clutching teddy bear mugs with "I love you" helium balloons attached, it's enough to make any sane mofo buy a cubic zee abstinence ring and just call it a goddamned day. And yep: this is coming from someone who's lucky enough to have husband.

So yeah: I srsly feel for anyone who's not paired up on V-day. FIPS CARES! And so we have two suggested solutions for dealing with this v-day crap: immersion and education.

1. Immersion: If you give a shit about flying solo, and wanna meet some other hot-n-sexy single dudes and ladiez, buy a ticket to our upcoming pre-v-day singles dance party on Sunday, February 13. People who met at previous events GOT MARRIED, are still dating, and (duh) got laid. Like a lot. We even have a couple of rounds of speed dating for those of you who are srsly in it to win it (hosted by Jinners from I Heart Nerds fame), an hour of free booze from Solerno,, whoopie pies from Trois Pommes and yep: a gaggle of hot, single FIPS writers on hand who you can try to seduce/trick into liking you. Oh and if you meet someone cool, you won't have to be alone on d-day v-day.

2. Education: Read about some other success stories from our fave bloggers/writers around the interwebz. These people have all managed to find other btchz/bros to pair up with, and they're sharing all their best scoop and advice on how you can do the same.

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