Bedbug Terrorism...Shit Just Got REAL

By the time you read this I may have very well strapped some concrete blocks to my ankles, and jumped off the side of the Brooklyn Bridge into the rough (ish), icy (ish) waters of the East River to end it all. Cause quite frankly, I don't know how the fuck I can go on with my day knowing that aside from worrying about getting bedbugs:

• on the subway
• at the movies
• at high-end retail stores
• at your office
• AND EVERY OTHER MOTHERFUCKING PLACE ON PLANET EARTH

Now I gotta worry about Bedbug terrorism!???? On craigslist?? AYFKMWTS!?

Some stupid motherfucking, cocksucking sonofabitch recently placed the following ad:

Free Bed Bugs/ Good Sabotage, Revenge (Midtown)

Do you hate your roommate and are moving out? Leave a fantastic goodbye present. Nothing says ‘Eff You!’ like some BEDBUGS. I have bedbugs safely stored in jars for the perfect sabotage. Free of charge, will meet anywhere. 

Ok, fine: who knows if this person is full of shit or not, but evenso: the whole idea of this just puts me at a code red level 9 suicide watch.

Do they have bedbugs in Canada? Alaska? Hawaii?? WHERE CAN I GOOOOOO????

(via Brick Underground)

Signs of the Times

Ha! Gallows humor from the peanut gallery. At least nobody lost any body parts on this, the summer's original bad driving site.

Also, the eye-catching marketing sign below, which confirmed that my seven-year-old can indeed read.

"Please don't sell me, mommy."

Send us your signage and we can start an occasional photo series. Or not. We don't really care either way.

Disaster Prep For Morons

So, I've been thinking about how woefully unprepared I am for any actual disaster.

When caught in the eye of a twister, for instance, do you REALLY want to fight your way out of the car and lie in a ditch or should you stay put?

I would have thought this was an unlikely scenario for us in Park Slope except....

As it happens, I could probably keep ignoring the whole slightly end-of-days vibe except for a constant stream of reminders in the last 24 hours and the fact that I couldn't think of anything else to write about.

Click to read more ...

Opossums are the New Raccoons

Ok, so technically I have not yet heard of any opossum sightings in Park Slope yet, BUT IT'S ONLY A MATTER OF TIME, PPL.

The genius powers that be in Brooklyn decided that the best way to deal with our ever alarming rat problem in the borough was to release a crapload of opossums, who would then (logically?) tear the rats apart limb from limb with those big sharp teeth of theirs. Ok, so lemme get this straight: the sweet, non-offensive geese get their own, custom-outfitted WWII gas chamber, and the rats get to fight it out for themselves and go three rounds with the city's crack opossum squad?

Well, gues what btchz? When a rat sees an opossum coming, this is generally what they look like:

The rat's were all singin' Jay-Z songs and takin a ride on the Cyclone as the lazy assed opossums basically caught not a single one of those bitches. Oh also, they started breeding, and now we have A MOTHERFUCKING OPOSSUM PROBLEM IN BROOKLYN TOO.

I have no goddamned clue who wins in an opossum v. raccoon battle royale, but I sincerely suggest someone research that shit pronto.

Oh, and keep your doors locked, ppl: otherwise a rat, raccoon, opossum OR tornado may very well kill you.

(via Daily Intel)

BREAKING: Rite Aid Car Crash

Straight from Gogo Gowanus's cell phone comes a blurry pic that indicates that the Rite Aid on 5th Avenue and 10th is providing our nabe with a new, much needed parking spot: IN THEIR FRONT FUCKING WINDOW.

Oopsie.

UPDATE: Fips reader Sarah had a better pic and some scoop: A big crowd was there and the store was roped off with police tape. Lots of people taking photos, lots of police trying to get folks to steer clear of the accident site. Not sure yet what exactly happened, but the front left side of the car is smashed in so maybe some other car ran into it first and made the driver lose control?