Union Street Is A Cesspool, And It's Obvs The Food Coop's Fault

(duh, this pic is so NOT Union Street)

Or not.

We really can't be sure.

But Ingrasir is wondering the same exact fucking thing:

Why is Union Street always covered in garbage? Both sides of the street feature strewn about trash every day... Is it the co-op? Spillover from the Tea Lounge? Bussacco? Scottaditto? Who do you complain to in order to get it cleaned?!?!?!?!

There is a long and spirited discussion regarding this ish on Brooklynian, but our FAVE response comes from Carmen:

Everyone who is complaining itt needs to move to bedstuy. Until you have used condoms wrangled up with chicken bones and tumbleweave rolling across your stoop on the reg, no bitching allowed.

On the reg!? Totally fucking brilliant.

Bravo, Carmen (and also pick up your fucking trash, people.  I live on Union Street and Oliver ends up eating all the shit that you mofos strew all over the place. Then I gotta go fishing it outta his mouth, and its pretty damn revolting.  Like CHICKEN BONES! Where the FUCK do all those chicken bones out on the street come from!? Cause we got em here....not just in Bed Stuy).

BREAKING: FAT PANTSLESS WOMAN DESCENDS ON PARK SLOPE

FIPS reader joe_paluka just contacted us with the scoop of the century: apparently a pleasantly plump, anti-pants, out of her fucking mind (?) woman is roaming the streets of Park Slope.

From Joe:

She had on a winter coat, a backpack, patent leather shoes, but no pants. It looked as if she'd just forgotten to put her pants on. She was strolling purposefully down the street, as if heading to the subway or on her way to work.She was acting as if she was doing nothing out of the ordinary.

Is she crazy or trying to make some kind of fat acceptance statement or what?

Anyone got any more scoop on this Norma Nopants??

A Fuckit List

Holy shit, am I pissed that I didn't come up with this idea!

Thanks to Jack Nicholson, you bitches have probably all heard of a Bucket List: i.e. that aspirational (but also kind of retarded and/or ghey) list of things that you want to do in your life, before you actually kick the bucket.

Most people put shit on there like: run with the bulls in Pamplona; Do an open-mic night; Fly in a hot air balloon; Bang a hot, barely legal hooker, etc.

Click to read more ...

Raccoon To Park Slope: OH Yes, You Will Be Mine

Please be on the look out for a wild, very pissed off Sunset Park Raccoon who is hell bent on becoming a Park Slope resident.

The dude probably read that bullshit about Pslope being the 7th Dreamiest neighborhood in the country or something. We really don't know...but he is not above eating through the windows of your beautiful brownstones, giving your children rabies OR fucking your nannies to make it happen.

WATCH OUT, EVERYONE! (and good luck kosherdave!)

"Last night I came home to my cat sitting on my bed, staring out the window. I thought I saw his reflection and that it was what he was staring at, then I realized it was a HUGE raccoon staring into my apt and I noticed my cat was actually growling at it. It had chewed through the screen of my window and tried to get in. The window was open about 3 inches.

Anyway, the thing was NOT scared of me. I tried to shoo it away and I closed the window, but for the next few hours it sat there and my other cat came to see it and they tried to smell each other thru the window. It actually seemed like it wanted to come in to be with the cats. Or maybe eat them."

(via Brooklynian)

If You Own A Snuggie, I Automatically Like You

Dear Daily News Staff Writer Erica Pearson,

Should you ever wish to hit the streets of Park Slope again in your Snuggie, FIPS would be more than happy to join you. Or...uhm...follow you around and hurl insults at you.

Also, what is your feeling on the Snuggie vs. Slanket controversh?

Yours in snuggitude,

Fucked in Park Slope