BREEDER REPORT: I Got Peed On At The Berkeley Lincoln Playground



You know how sometimes you look at something or see something...and its just so deeply fucking confusing, your brain is not able to process the information in a way that even remotely makes any sense?
Like right now for example:
Still confused? Well let me enlighten you ppl: according to the Park Slope Parents blog, this is a Bed Bug-a-Boo! You know, like a cross between a Bugaboo and a bedbug! Your worst nightmare crossed with your worst nightmare! And apparently we're going to meet some at this year's Halloweeen Parade!
BWAHHHAHHHHAHHHHHHAAA! ISN'T THAT FUNNY!??
Anyone?
Hello?
Ok, fine. If you don't think *THAT'S* funny, how bout their zingy description??:
–The hedge fund mommies have them, though, like a little botox and a tuck, they keep it to themselves.
–The fashion set surely has them; they need them…the pricier, the better!
–The alterna-daddies have them (they go great with a Diaper Dude, Chuck Taylors, and wicked tats).
–The best nannies have them, though they’d never brag about it to mommies.
The Bedbug-a-boos! They’re all the rage in Brooklyn. Watch out, or you’ll be getting them, too!
TEE HEEE HEEE HEE [BARF].
HA HA HA [PUNCHES SELF IN FACE]
LOL [STOMPS ON KITTEN'S HEAD].
(via PSP Blog)
Look ppl, the choice is yours: either stop having bebes or get rich enough to send your kids to private school. Cause there ain't no more room in either P.S. 321 on 7th Ave OR P.S. 39 on Sixth Ave.
According to the Daily News:
FIPS reader, Princess Pony Party Amazing, called our attention to this exclusive party invite:
Exceptional Eyecare. Incredible Eyewear. AND FREE “BABYSITTING”!!!
That’s right BREEDERS, cancel your nanny, cause the eye doctor has a new hobby (other than his self-proclaimed passion for working with Dry Eye Sufferers)...Taking care of your kiddies! What child doesn’t love going to the doctor? Park Slope Eye is turning their clinic into a mini movie theatre for your obnoxious children, in order to conduct cray cray eye science experiments on them, thank you for your patronage.
And what will you be doing during your off time? GETTING WASTED, LADIES!!!! On a Mini Mommy Vaca!!!
They have even provided you with the name of the closest happy hour, so if the kid by mistake performs Lasic eye surgery on someone, you can come reverse that shit pronto.
Ok, so there might be a chance that Park Slope Eye is secretly planning to dry your little one’s eyes out so that the doctor can get all passionate and whatev about fixing them. BFD. The more important issue is what four-year-old wants to sit all the way through Up? That movie had me crying within the first ten minutes.
Did anyone send their kid to this? Are their eyes all fucked now or did they come back normal? Is Park Slope Eye turning this hang sesh into a weekly event, because sign me up DUH.