FiPS CARES: GET YOUR ASS IN SHAPE WHILE CURING CANCER
Even though it's not yet officially Spring, we've been having a de-facto Spring since November. So, you know, it's that time of the year when I start to think about all of those things I should be doing to make myself a Better Person. I should get my big, fat, tired, white, lazy, union ass in shape. I should call my mom more often. I should start working on that cure for cancer. Since you hate cancer, don't call your mom very often, and also have a big, fat ass, I'm assuming you're with me on this.
As it happens, you could be doing all three of those things in one fell swoop, if only you could be persuaded to sign up for Team-in-Training. Team-in-Training is a non-profit organization that trains first time marathon runners to compete in an actual real-life, honest-to-God, sure-as-shit race. And almost all of it's paid for -- travel and everything -- because they do it as a fundraiser for Leukemia and Lymphoma research. Upon signing up, you choose the race you want to run, you call and e-mail all of your family and friends and tell them the inspiring story of how they need to give you money so that you can exercise and cure cancer.