Stupid Cupid: Profile Of A Park Slope Single Chick

 

We here at FiPS have heard your gripes about dating in the Slope, or lack thereof. After seeing the results of our Fall Sex Survey (parts 1 and 2), we've decided to help out the single population of Park Slope one by one. Throughout February we'll be featuring the most eligible Park Slopers in our FiPS community. First up is Heather from South Florida, who now resides in the South Slope.

We asked Heather to describe her ideal mate in 140 characters or less. She says:

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FiPS wants to find you a date!

 

Remember back in November when we found out most of Park Slope wasn't getting laid? Well, we've resolved to do just that (or at the least get you a date). During the month of February we'll be featuring the most eligible Park Slopers in our FiPS community.

If you're interested in being featured on FiPS as a hot Slope single, send us an email at effedinparkslope at gmail dot com. You can also use our contact form. Just remember to write "Stupid Cupid" in the subject line.

Here's what we'll need.

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Park Slope Craigslist Personals: Bachelorette Edish

 

What are your plans for 2012?  Finally invest in a beer-making kit? Really start getting coffee at the bodega since it’s only fucking 75 cents? Cool, but what about your love life? What about getting effed in Park Slope?  For inspiration, I’m attempting to match this lovely local bachelorette with three potential Park Slope connections! You’re welcome, pers-n6uuf-2791791953@craigslist.org, and may you reach your corporeal goals! 

First let's meet:

The Bachelorette: Spanking. And dates. - 27 (Park Slope)

Hello out there -- it's officially a new year. So I'm looking forward to new possibilities! My ideal winter date would be a guy in his 30s who is handsome, has his life more-or-less in order, and likes to indulge in a little kink. I do not want a crazy S&M boyfriend or whatever. Just want the pool of men I date to be guys who really like spanking, and are good at it. Life's too short to wait till the third date to disclose that, right? :)

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Dating in Park Slope REALLY IS Stupid [We're All Going to Die Alone]

If there's one thing we've established here at FiPS (besides the whole "babies are the devil and where's my local organic arugula, goddamnit?" thing), dating in Brooklyn can kind of suck. And in Park Slope...well, it's something of a death wish. So, naturally, as a freshly-single-holy-fuck-I-forgot-how-to-do-this-dating-thing young woman, I'm ostensbily already screwed. But stir in this post from Brooklyn Is Stupid, and I basically want to end it all.

This week, a guest blogger on Brooklyn Is Stupid posted her (incredibly stupid) tale of dating a Park Slope writer. She makes a hell of a case for why dating blows in the entire borough, "Brooklyn has an abundance of over-educated, under-employed, whiny, artsy types. They’re overly analytical and egotistical, and tend to wear skinny jeans," but adamatly throws writers on the top of the pile for the most insane. And she posts an actual email recieved from a writer she'd gone out with three times to prove it.

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Who's Got Hoes In Different Area Codes?

Fellas: Does your girlfriend shovel massive amounts of food into her face? Does she selfishly hoard all the leftovers? Ladies: Does your boyfriend only hang out with ‘the boys’ in a borough far, far away? Does your significant other own a white fedora?

If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, you are most likely a victim of Double Borough Dating!

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