WHO GIVES A SHIT, BREEDER EDITION: Where Did You Pop Out Yer Kid?

Because all natural births should be immortalized in stone.  (Photo: Gawker.)

I hate to break it to you guys, but the secret's out: the inhabitants of  Brownstone Brooklyn like to breed.  (That's us, in case you're keeping score.)  Gothamist's reporting that our BREEDERS are so fancy-ass, we refuse to pop our babies out in this borough, despite the fact that we carry around our Coop groceries in Brooklyn tote bags, and tell everyone how so over living in Manhattan we are.  (Truth, if you still have that scorecard handy.)

So, your Q of the day: BREEDERS, if your spawn entered the world in this fine city, where was he/she/it born?  And I suppppose if you're joining the legion of Park Slope Parents soonish, you're welcome to respond, too, since lately I'm getting the feeling every fucking person in this city besides me is pregnant.  (Yes, I give up my seat on the F...but do YOU?)

As snarky as I'm dying to get on this one, I suppose I'll have to step back and let you all steer the ship; the closest I've ever gotten to a Brooklyn hospital is my daily walk past Methodist.  (Side note: I do have a few friends--mostly native New Yorkers--who carry around cards that read, "If found injured in Brooklyn, transport to Manhattan hospital for medical treatment.")  Fire away in the comments.

THIS JUST IN: THE ITALIANS ARE IN CHARGE HERE

Click to Englarge (image via very small arrayAs you may have surmised from my obsession with documenting every business in Park Slope, block by block, I'm a fan of deconstructing the makeup of cities. What it really boils down to is that I’m in love with maps. How much do I love them? Once, I was on a "date" and my female companion and I went into a Barnes & Noble and we sat on the floor for almost an hour looking at maps. It was like something out of a Wes Anderson film, right down to the part where things never worked out between us. I still had my maps though. They’ll never leave me.

To be honest, it's been a while since I've had good map, so when I stumbled across this map earlier this week, I just about lost it in my shorts. That's figuratively, of course. I was wearing pants anyhow. So this map...it breaks down the "Most Common Type of Restaurant in a Zip Code According to the Village Voice Restaurants Guide." Wait...the Village Voice is still relevant? Wow. Well, I guess it’s better than using Timeout NY as the basis of your map. They're kinda douchey.

According to the map breakdown, Park Slope's DOMINATED by Italian restaurants. I suppose it makes sense. There are a pretty good amount of Italian places and this was once an Italian-dominated neighborhood. Personally, I live on enough pasta at home that when I go out, there’s a 99% chance I'm not going Italian. That means that over time, I've effectively programmed my brain to devote zero real estate to their existence. That being the case, I would've thought that Japanese or Mexican would've prevailed, but I guess it's really a moot point. In five years everything will be New American Fusion anyhow.

See more from the map makers, very small array, here.

Is ProPark Doing Fireworks, or What?

I can't find any information on whether or not Prospect Park is doing fireworks on the Fourth of July.

Anyone got the scoop?

BREAKING: Mack's 140 = DUNZO?

image via MetromixHot off the presses, we just received the following tip from an anon FIPS tipster...a FIPSTER about Mack's 140 on 7th Ave:

Under the cloak of night the asshole owner Tony, who told no one what the deal was, not even his staff, dragged all the food and liquor out. He bailed on the joint after it wasn't living up to his expectations.  Not that they should have been that high given the space was so sterile and blah, nor did he give a crap about any customers. I truly did see him berate customers and staff alike. The place has been locked up since Monday with no signs or explanations.  Apparently he brought in partners who are taking over the joint and reworking it into a high end Italian restaurant though he still will have a stake in it. Here we go again. What a said missed opportunity for a much needed real bar on the North End of 7th Ave.

Well, well, well. Gotta confess: I checked that place out twice and thought it was insanely mediocre both times. And I agree re: the ambience...there was none.

Anyone else have scoop?

EPICK and the Mother Fuckers Do Southpaw: One Night Only

I first got in touch with FIPS (or fucked as i like to call us) because my little brother, the hip hop artist formerly known as Egglard, was playing a show at Southpaw and I thought... where better to publicize his EPICK awesomeness than a blog that shares his love of titular profanity?

Unfortunately, Erica was busy eating Robicelli's cupcakes and watching the Bachelor/Lost/CashCab, and thus did not see my prophetic email in a timely fashion.

What his fans are saying:

"Songbird of our generation." Epick

"How can you continue to humiliate me like this? If you don't change that name, I'll never talk to you again. By the way, are you coming up this weekend?" Epick's mother

"Six inches of skill, maybe six and a half." Epick 

"Good for a white dude." Epick's nephew

"Upwardly mobile." unspecified critics

So, you probably missed the genius that is my brother the first time around, not to mention his big-ass (i mean kick-ass) backup band and his smoking hot single sister Sara out in the audience. 

But your time is coming. All hail Epick and his fellow vanilla but not vanilla ice hip hoppers. The eldest and I are going to take naps so we can stay up late. See you there!!