Whassup: You Deserve This Edition

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So, Brooklyn has bacon cronuts. That is a thing that is true. Gothamist calls them the best cronut-knockoffs around. And they have bacon on them. And Nutella (!). And they're in Brooklyn. SHOVE THEM IN YER FAAAAAACCE. For breakfast, lunch and dinner. Do it. They can be purchased for consumption and/or humiliating, almost-sexual worship at Le Petit Bakery in Ft. Greene. Because Brooklyn, bacon cronuts are your right. Welcome to Whassup: You Deserve This Edition:

* Thursday, July 18: "Enter the Dragon," BK Bridge Park (DUMBO): Brooklyn Bridge Park has a new summer movie series (sponsored by the SyFy network, which I still think is a stupid name). The theme is tourist-worthy cities, and today's entry takes you to Hong Kong to watch Bruce Lee kick every single ass so much. Takes place on the Harbor View Lawn, with a genuinely awesome view of the Manhattan skyline behind the screen. 6pm, FREE.

* Thursday, July 18: 'Rime of the Ancient Mariner,' Bandshell: Spooky cabaret theater artists The Tiger Lillies take on Samuel Taylor Coleridge's classic poem of high-seas curses and big, blatant metaphors. Taste the salt brine in the air and feel the scurvy in your bones. Then buy a Six Point at the concessions stand. 6:30pm Doors, FREE ($3 suggested donation).

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Whassup: Seven-Eleven Edition

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Hey, everyone -- it's the unofficial new mascot of New York day: 7/11! Celebrate by drinking the biggest soda gulps you can stomach before immediately dying of massive diabetes and obesity. FREEDOM! Welcome to Whassup: Seven-Eleven Edition:

* Through Saturday, July 13: BK Hip-Hop Festival, Various Sites: The Brooklyn Hip-Hop Festival enters its ninth year with headliners Pusha T, EPMD and Redman. Brooklyn, as you may be aware, had a decent history as a source of amazing hip-hop artists, long before it developed a reputation for kick-ass artisanal cronuts or whatever. This fest celebrates that heritage with musical performances, alongside panel discussions, an award show and a block party. Maybe Northwest will even show up. 7pm-11pm, $20+.

* Thursday, July 11: Belle and Sebastian and Yo La Tengo, Bandshell: When I tried to purchase a ticket, it appeared to be sold out. But the BRIC site doesn't officially say that, so maybe you'll have better luck. In any event, why would you buy a ticket, anyway? BRIC benefit shows should be viewed from outside the gates, as God intended. And this is a good one, particularly if you are an indie-music nerd who came of age in the '90's. Any such folks in Brooklyn? I guess we shall see. 7pm, $42.50.

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Whassup: Independence Day Edition

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It's America Day, y'all! Finally, the one date on which it's totally cool to love America as much as a Fox News anchor does. That is to say, deliriously, passionately, kind-of-creepily. However you express your America love -- quoting Bill Pullman, draping your naked body in the Stars and Stripes, or just flat out love-fucking a bald eagle -- this day is for you. Welcome to Whassup: Independence Day Edition:

* Thursday, July 4: Back to the Beach, Rockaway Beach: Sixpoint and something called My Social List (which I presume is a communist plot) are hosting the first of Rockaway Beach's free summer parties. The concert also celebrates Rockaway's speedy recovery from Hurricane Sandy. In any event, it's a good excuse to start getting your Independence Day drunk on in the afternoon. 1pm, FREE.

* Thursday, July 4: ID4 BBQ, Freddy's: After the concert, train it back Slope-ward for Freddy's Independence Day BBQ. You can bring your own comestibles to char, or partake of the meats, veggies and soy-based products supplied and cooked by Freddy's resident grill-masters. $3 for all taps, because this is America, and you will put beer inside you. 2:20pm.

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Whassup: Dickin' Around Edition

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As Anthony Weiner appears ready to rise again in NY politics, I feel it is my duty, as a Brooklyn "writer," to make at least one penis pun in print -- even if this is an events column, with even less political relevance than The Post. So: surging Weiner. Here comes Weiner. Weiner's gonna be hard to beat. Anthony Weiner's got a big old penis to show you on Twitter direct messaging. (That last one may be a little on the nose.) My point is this: you live in a city in which exposing one's unremarkable genitalia does not disqualify one for major political office. YOU LIVE IN THE GREATEST CITY IN THE WORLD!! Now, get out there and enjoy it. Welcome to Whassup: Dickin' Around Edition:

* Through Sunday, June 30: Chekhov's "Seagull," Prospect Park: Not many people know it, but the USS Enterprise's chief engineer was also a playwright. Recently, some "Star Trek" lovers turned one of Chekhov's fictional plays into a real work, "The Seagull." It's an action-packed tale of a giant space seagull that nearly devours a dashing young starship engineer. Just kidding, of course, this is Anton Chekhov's "The Seagull," the classic Russian drama, put on here by the New York Classical Theatre. It's a "roving" production. Yes, that means the play moves, dragging the audience with it, through the park. In other words, they force you to exercise. Those monsters. The Times called this production "smoothly directed" and praised the familiar, classic lines. You'll call it, "Free, so why not?"  Enter at Parkside and Ocean Avenues, walk to the Rustic Shelter by the Lake. 7pm, FREE (donations welcomed).

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Whassup: Solstice of the Earth Edition

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The summer solstice is in the offing, which means we can all finally do what we've been waiting for all year: sacrifice a virgin to the sun. Now, I don't know if that was even ever a thing, but you tell me how to properly mark the OFFICIAL return of the bestest season in Park Slope. Of course, if murdering the innocents just isn't your style, there're plenty of other ways to propitiate the golden disc's angry wrath -- primarily by drinking fermented things and moving your various parts to rhythms. Welcome to Whassup: Solstice of the Earth Edition:

* Through Wednesday, June 22: Bushwick Restaurant Week: Every neighborhood in Brooklyn will eventually be hip for a while. Bushwick's in the throes of that, or just starting, or probably already over, depending on how tight the jeans are of the person making the judgement. Nevertheless, the 'hood is saying screw it to Manhattan's Restaurant Week and even screw it to Dine In Brooklyn and hosting their own week of deals on meals. Go see all the delicious ways to get fat in Bushwick.

* Thursday, June 20: Blackalicious, Bandshell: Original headliner Big Boi is out, but this show still features Blackalicious, the favorite group of politically conscious white dudes who were into hip-hop in the early 2000s. Aw, but there's a good reason: shit's good. It's good shit. Celebrate Brooklyn has scored some pretty nice acts so far this summer, and Blackalicious ranks up there. 7:30pm, FREE ($3 sugg. donation).

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