Whassup: Hollandaise Edition

via foodbeast.com

Ah, the post-Thanksgiving, pre-Christmas interregnum. God help you if you actually thought you were getting any work done these next three weeks. You are not. So why not just go all out with the not-trying, and spend every night partaking of Brooklyn's fine entertainment options. You may get yourself fired, but hey, the New Year's just around the bend, and someone will be hiring. Welcome to Whassup: Hollandaise Edition:  

* Thursday, Dec. 5: Heart of Darkness: In Space!, Bell House: In space, no one can hear you laughing uproariously. (Congratulations, you've just read the one billionth iteration of the "In space, no one can hear you…" construction.) Unfortunately, you would also not be able to breathe or hear Todd Barry make calm-voiced cutting remarks in space. Both huge losses. Un-unfortunately, this Heart of Darkness special will not actually take place in space, but instead, at the Bell House, right here on Earth. And Todd Barry will be there, using the abundant oxygen and atmospheric pressure to its full potential. Comedians Elizabeth Gallagher and Rich Stein, along with musical guests The Mast join this live variety show. 8pm, $10-$12.

* Friday, Dec. 6-Saturday, Dec. 7: Crafted at the Canal, 9th St. and 2nd Ave: This holiday craft fair celebrates re-use, a rare commodity in this disposable culture of our -- sorry, laptop's acting up. Just gonna quick throw it out and get a new one…Ok, back. Anyway, they'll have shit like photographs framed in reclaimed lumber, jewelry born from recycled bike skeletons, classic dolls reanimated by evil, and hand-crafted furniture. This fair, you see, she's crafty. 5-9pm Fri, 10am-5pm Sat, FREE to attend (cash only for purchases). 

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Whassup: Thanksbrooklyning Edition

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If you're doing life at all right, you are starving yourself today so that you may gorge on dry, flightless bird and bread-based casserole tomorrow. Therefore, with the blood-sugar dropping, the screen may appear but a blurry haze right now. But soldier on, Park Slope givers-of-thanks, holiday celebrations don't mean you must give up your regular Brooklyn partying ways. Welcome to Whassup: Thanksbrooklyning Edition: 

* Wednesday, Nov. 27: 45 Candles, Union Hall: The '80s did, in fact, end. And yet, we never did get to find out what happened to Ferris Bueller, the Breakfast Club Gang or Say Anything's stereo-wielding anything-sayer. Tonight, we learn their fates in a series of fan fiction pieces that imagine if John Hughes characters had "grown the fuck up." My guess is they're all forced to deal with teenagers as irritatingly self-absorbed as they were. 8pm, $7.

* Wednesday, Nov. 27: Thanksgiving Eve with Black Dragon, Littlefield: NYC-natives Black Dragon play  joyous funk to get you in the holiday spirit, and help work off some booty weight before Thursday's gorgeathon. 9pm, $10.

* Thursday, Nov. 28 (aka Thanksgiving): Open Restaurants: Just because your mom is far away in Kansas, wondering what sins you've gotten yourself into in New York, doesn't mean you can't eat well over Thanksgiving. Brooklyn Based lined up four restaurants where you can still book a Thanksgiving dinner, while Brokelyn goes for broke(lyn) with a megalist of 24 BK restaurants open on Turkey Day. If you do go this route, be sure to tip well -- you know serving assholes like us can't be fun on a holiday. 

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Whassup: Whole Fools Edition

 Image search result for "Whole Foods" (via farm5.staticflickr.com)

It's been a big week for NY-gentrification news. Tragically, graffiti haven 5 Pointz got white-washed in advance of its imminent condofication. So, that was sad. A little more positively (hopefully?) and of use to Slope-area eaters of foods, the long-promised (threatened?) Whole Foods announced an opening date: Dec. 17. So, mark your calendars…with the date to avoid 3rd Ave. and 3rd St. in Gowanus. Because it's going to be a madhouse. The Co-op is going to feel so jilted. Welcome to Whassup: Whole Fools Edition:

* Thursday, Nov. 21: Safe Streets Meeting, CBE: This community meeting will address recent traffic deaths and ways to make the streets safer. A topic that just might be worth Tivo-ing your Thursday night lineup for. 7:30pm-9pm.

* Thursday, Nov. 21: Grist Comedy Benefit, Bell House: Environmental site Grist has corralled a stellar lineup of comedians to spew their hilarious CO2 into the air. Green wisecrackers include Eugene Mirman, Wyatt Cenac, David Cross, Kurt Braunohler and more. That's some powerhouse comedic observation right there. 8:30pm, $25.

* Friday, Nov. 22: Reflektor Sale: You know, I used to really like Arcade Fire. Their 2007 show at Randall's Island is still one of my favorites. But, damn, if they haven't turned the preciousness up another notch lately. Now, they want people to dress up for their shows. Is it just me, or is Arcade Fire the Wes Anderson of rock? Anyway, all that aside, they are bringing their three-ring circus of indie-ness to Barclays Center Aug. 22 and 23. Tickets go on sale today. Now go find the perfect skinny tie for the show, and you're all set. 

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Whassup: First Snow Edition

via dumpday.comWell, we got a little snow this week, as every single Facebook friend in NY said in their statuses. It's a good thing they did, too, because I refuse to look outside to check the weather. It raises the risk that I might glimpse a bird, realize the absurdity of working in an office, strip off all my clothes, and run free into the wilderness as a wildman. Then, my credit cards would lapse, and I'd lose my Netflix account. But now that the NYC sky has broken its snow seal for the season, we can look forward to probably at least a couple white dumps that almost instantaneously turn brown with muck. All the more reason to attend fun events at places that serve core-warming whiskey. Welcome to Whassup: First Snow Edition:

* Thursday, Nov. 14: Veterans Read, Old Stone House: Here's a very Brooklyn-appropriate, and very cool, way to honor veterans: a collection of service-men and -women-turned-writers will share their work at this reading, hosted by Brooklyn Reading Works. Authors include Air Force vet and poet Lynn Hill, ex-Marine and fiction writer Phil Klay, and more. Attending this event might even be more meaningful than attaching a yellow-ribbon magnet to your car. 8pm, FREE. 

* Friday, Nov. 15: Gorilla 2 Opens, Bergen St.: If you enjoy Gorilla Coffee's fine brews and history of drama, then your options for simian-themed java enjoyment double today. Gorilla will open a second spot at 472 Bergen Street, and it sounds like they're fancifying things a bit, with "a rotating list of single-origin coffees," according to Park Slope Stoop. You are intended to learn coffee-ish things from the baristas, instead of just hoping that the cute, perky one is hitting on you (she's not).

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Whassup: Bye, Bye Bloomberg Edition

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It's been charmed week, New Yorkers, with 2 a.m. magically turning into 1 a.m. and Michael Bloomberg transforming into a steaming pile of lame foie gras. It's true, Slopers, Mayor Mike is out the door. So, let's honor Hizzoner by doing all the things Mike Bloomberg hates: Drink a Big Gulp! Smoke in a bar! Be over 5-feet tall! Welcome to Whassup: Bye, Bye Bloomberg Edition:

* Thursday, Nov. 7: B-52s, Brooklyn Bowl (Williamsburg): Here in Brooklyn, we got us a music venue, and it's as big as a whale. It's called the Barclays Center. Anyway, this show is not there, but it is likely to be awesome. Fred Schneider and the girls are set to misbeehive in the best way possible. If you had access to MTV in the '80s, this should sound like nothing but fun to you. 9pm, $52. 

* Friday, Nov. 8-Saturday, Nov. 9: Wasabassco's Sexy Anniversary, Bell House: Brooklyn's own cabaret show celebrates year nine with two nights of the classiest debauchery located anywhere this close to the Gowanus. Each night promises "staggering sexiness" and more pasties than you can shake…some other pasties at. 8pm, $20 each night. 

* Saturday, Nov. 9: Billy Joel Tix, Barclays: He's got a jersey "retired" in the Garden, but New York's own goblin of a pop singer, Billy Joel, will be playing Brooklyn's arena in December. I think it would be the awesomest if you could get a sizable contingent to boo when "Piano Man" starts. FiPSters, are you willing to shell out up to $240 for my amusement? But for serious, if you want to see a middle-aged man don shades and belt out "Uptown Girl," this is the day to snag tickets. $64.50-$240. 

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