Whassup: Bye, Bye Bloomberg Edition

via animalnewyork.com

It's been charmed week, New Yorkers, with 2 a.m. magically turning into 1 a.m. and Michael Bloomberg transforming into a steaming pile of lame foie gras. It's true, Slopers, Mayor Mike is out the door. So, let's honor Hizzoner by doing all the things Mike Bloomberg hates: Drink a Big Gulp! Smoke in a bar! Be over 5-feet tall! Welcome to Whassup: Bye, Bye Bloomberg Edition:

* Thursday, Nov. 7: B-52s, Brooklyn Bowl (Williamsburg): Here in Brooklyn, we got us a music venue, and it's as big as a whale. It's called the Barclays Center. Anyway, this show is not there, but it is likely to be awesome. Fred Schneider and the girls are set to misbeehive in the best way possible. If you had access to MTV in the '80s, this should sound like nothing but fun to you. 9pm, $52. 

* Friday, Nov. 8-Saturday, Nov. 9: Wasabassco's Sexy Anniversary, Bell House: Brooklyn's own cabaret show celebrates year nine with two nights of the classiest debauchery located anywhere this close to the Gowanus. Each night promises "staggering sexiness" and more pasties than you can shake…some other pasties at. 8pm, $20 each night. 

* Saturday, Nov. 9: Billy Joel Tix, Barclays: He's got a jersey "retired" in the Garden, but New York's own goblin of a pop singer, Billy Joel, will be playing Brooklyn's arena in December. I think it would be the awesomest if you could get a sizable contingent to boo when "Piano Man" starts. FiPSters, are you willing to shell out up to $240 for my amusement? But for serious, if you want to see a middle-aged man don shades and belt out "Uptown Girl," this is the day to snag tickets. $64.50-$240. 

* Saturday, Nov. 9: Walking Tour, Downtown Brooklyn: The Shakespearean Theater for a New Audience will lead culture lovers (or, at least, culture-be-able-to-standers) on a tour of BAM, the new Polonsky Shakespeare Center and other sites. No word on if they'll visit the corners where Biggie used to sling dope. Reservations required, FREE.

* Saturday, Nov. 9: Meltdown w/Jonah & Kumail: The NYC Comedy Festival brings Jonah Ray and Kumail Nanjiani to the Bell House, where they will be ritually melted down into a pure comedic goo. Actually, the name "Meltdown" probably refers to the CRRRAZZYYY prices. Kumail is a personal favorite, mostly because he is one of the best comedians at Twitter. And I'm not even saying that snarkily. The show is sold out, but check the craigslists. 7:30pm, $20. 

* Tuesday, Nov. 12: Bar Food Blowout, Pork Slope: Dale Talde, food king of Park Slope, will welcome CraftBar's Lauren Hirschberg in part two of Pork Slope's "Bar Food Blowout." Both celebrated chefs will make gentle love to your mouth in the form of creative, indulgent takes on bar-food standards. They will feed you so good. So good. Menu includes buffalo pig tails, a kielbasa hero, and "assorted pickles" (coincidentally, the name of my failed high school punk band). Two seatings, 7pm and 8:30pm, $20 each.

* Wednesday, Nov. 13: Indie Media Camp, BK Based: Do you live in Brooklyn and fancy yourself a writer and/or media person of some sort? But I repeat myself. Of course you do. So, come learn from those who have successfully launched sites/brands/blogs how to do it. Our brothers in Brooklyn-blogging arms, Brooklyn Based, will take you through the paces in 7 hours of media boot camp. They will break you down, to build you back up again into a kick-ass blogger. So many people will want to comment "first" on all your posts. 9am-6pm, $6.44-$9.24.

* Wednesday, Nov. 13: Historic Trolley Tour, Green-Wood Cemetery: Even with Halloween over, there's still a good reason to visit the cemetery (aside from seances). Green-Wood is hosting a set of three rotating tours every Wednesday, through the end of the year. 1pm-3pm, $15 (package deals with memberships available for $30 to $50).