Whassup: Hollandaise Edition

via foodbeast.com

Ah, the post-Thanksgiving, pre-Christmas interregnum. God help you if you actually thought you were getting any work done these next three weeks. You are not. So why not just go all out with the not-trying, and spend every night partaking of Brooklyn's fine entertainment options. You may get yourself fired, but hey, the New Year's just around the bend, and someone will be hiring. Welcome to Whassup: Hollandaise Edition:  

* Thursday, Dec. 5: Heart of Darkness: In Space!, Bell House: In space, no one can hear you laughing uproariously. (Congratulations, you've just read the one billionth iteration of the "In space, no one can hear you…" construction.) Unfortunately, you would also not be able to breathe or hear Todd Barry make calm-voiced cutting remarks in space. Both huge losses. Un-unfortunately, this Heart of Darkness special will not actually take place in space, but instead, at the Bell House, right here on Earth. And Todd Barry will be there, using the abundant oxygen and atmospheric pressure to its full potential. Comedians Elizabeth Gallagher and Rich Stein, along with musical guests The Mast join this live variety show. 8pm, $10-$12.

* Friday, Dec. 6-Saturday, Dec. 7: Crafted at the Canal, 9th St. and 2nd Ave: This holiday craft fair celebrates re-use, a rare commodity in this disposable culture of our -- sorry, laptop's acting up. Just gonna quick throw it out and get a new one…Ok, back. Anyway, they'll have shit like photographs framed in reclaimed lumber, jewelry born from recycled bike skeletons, classic dolls reanimated by evil, and hand-crafted furniture. This fair, you see, she's crafty. 5-9pm Fri, 10am-5pm Sat, FREE to attend (cash only for purchases). 

* Friday, Dec. 6-Sunday, Dec. 8: Dick Fest, IndieScreen (Williamsburg): Grow up, I'm just talking about Dick. Philip K. Dick, that is. Yes, the author of sci-fi mind-benders like "VALIS" and "The Transmigration of Timothy Archer," and inspiration for such films as "Total Recall," has now inspired an indie-film fest. Stories by Mr. Horselover Fat himself will grace the screen, in celluloid fashion, so that you may discuss their musings on the nature of reality while high later. Various screening times (most after 7pm), $55 3-Day Pass, $10-18 Day Passes.

* Saturday, Dec. 7: Elijah Ocean, Union Hall: Brooklyn-based singer-songwriter Elijah Ocean will soothe your wearied New York soul with the strains of gentle folk. Get his attention, and he might wave. (Get it? Ocean? Wave? I'll show myself out.) 8pm, $10.

* Sunday, Dec. 8: Beatles Trivia, Bell House: Honoring the most New Yorkiest of the Beatles on the anniversary of the shitty day that took him away from his, Trivworks will host a night of free Beatles trivia. The question, "Who is the best Beatle?" will result in a massive fight, ending only when hip-choice George prevails due to this being Brooklyn. 8pm, FREE.

* Thursday, Dec. 12: Bob Windows Quartet, Jalopy (Red Hook): "Saloon singer" Bob Windows (rumored to bear a striking resemblance to Slope-area country troubadour Alex Battles) will warm your souls with the Bing Crosby-est pre-Christmas you've ever had. Be sure to request that olde tyme date rape classic, "Baby, It's Cold Outside." Ah, the standards. 9pm, $10.