Brooklyn Mutt Show: Adopt, Bitches

Shit like the Brooklyn Mutt Show is precisely the reason why I fucking love Brooklyn. I braved the Great Flood and hauled my ass to the Brooklyn Lyceum to check it out. With action-packed categories like 'Sloppiest Kisser' and 'Least Useful Pet Trick', the Brooklyn Mutt Show is co-organized by BARC (a privately funded, no-kill shelter in Williamsburg). It's a 2-day event and Sunday was the grand finale, with the 'Canine Best Costume Cavalcade' closing the show.

BARC had on-site a simple one-page adoption application, along with 3-5 dogs that they brought from the shelter in order to encourage adoption. There was a $150 adoption fee (sell some of your elderly porn collection) and they were allowing future dog owners to start the process right there. The adoption contract on the back didn't require anything extraordinary -- just making sure that you won't treat your pup like this motherfucker. Check it out even (especially!) if you're an asshole -- a dog will make you a better person and more pleasant to be around. And if you're single, your chances of getting laid will skyrocket. Trust me.

If you weren't able to make it to the show, get in touch with BARC...they've still got lots of great bitches up for adoption.

After I got back I had a weird craving for beef jerky. Day in and day out I am temped by the sweet and smokey whiff every time I open this fine bag. Well, it was was pretty fucking good, not gonna lie. Good thing I'm not proud.